Prophecy, Gods and me yappingArthurOww @ Tuesday, March 12th 11:05AM [link] |
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| Hello and welcome, my dear Karters and Kartesses, to this News! This one’s not delayed like last time lmao. We’re still in the fresh start of 2024, and some crazy things have happened already, although it’s not as crazy as last year was. Let’s check out what our special leaping February was made of. So, what has happened over the past month? We saw 4 new 3lap WRs on 4 different tracks and an insane 11 Flap WRs on 6 different categories, that’s the highest we’ve got in a month since… February of last year and the discoveries of ODB strats on RR and CM’s glitches. Might as well rename the month Flapuary. Going in chronological order, we continue the story from last month on BC where Alex keeps on improving his time with the new Spear shortcut and doesn’t make one, not two, but FOUR improvements from a 41.676 on February 3rd to a 41.252 on the 28th. Impressive stuff from the King, congrats Alex! ...see what i did there A day after KingAlex’s first record of the month, we saw some activity on rWS Glitch where Danny Boy, saddened to not be able to take the 3lap record (2/3 too hard), decided to get 2nd WW in 3lap and snatch the Flap record at the same time, resulting in a big near .3 cut getting a 21.346. Nice job Neptune Here’s a name you don’t see getting a WR often, ZCubed actually pulled through and managed to get only his 2nd Flap WR on GV Non-SC! On the 10th of the month he pulled out a 35.482 beating Luke by 4ms. Sadly he got bullied by Logan on the same day, who by the looks of it wanted the “ZCubed will never WR” meme to stay true and got a .446. When will ZCubed break the curse? A day later, Justin wanted to get 20$ from Hydr8ion and Arvo but he couldn’t, as the former World #1 failed to sub 18.350 on rYF flap to get the first God standard time here, goal of the bounty set by the two lads running the site alongside me. He still got a .354, enough to get WR from Jack, so nice job. Logan also wanted those 20$ but he had his eyes on another God time, rSL Non-SC Flap. That category being extremely rough standards-wise (my former 10th WW time being Legend A still hurts me) it was no easy task, but Logan being Logan, he eventually got the money by setting a 39.646, edging the standard by .004. And all of a sudden, only one category remained Godless, being rYF flap. What seemed way out of reach for years could potentially happen. We could actually get all God standards on the site, after so many years. The only obstacle standing in our way, was that one flap that even Justin himself failed to claim, rYF. Could it be done? After his rSL God time, Logan set himself a goal. To get all the God standards… Himself. We were already struggling to achieve a God-only timesheet with only WR times, and this lad, as good as he is at this fucking game, wants to do it himself? Surely he’s crazy, right??? Well, the day after getting rSL, he got to work on BC Non-SC and got not only the God time but the record as well, with a 45.751. He was still missing 5 God times if he wanted to achieve ARR perfection. A long way to go. The Flap records are so cool I almost forgot to talk about the 3laps lmao. Connor keeps on his activity from January but changes from DKS to rWS, and improves his own No-SC record by 28ms with a 1:48.247 on February 12th, then Luke comes back to DC on the 15th to reclaim his throne over Logan with a really cool 1:28.321 that “only” gets 2 stairdives compared to Logan’s 3, very nicely driven. 3 days later he also improved on Parkway Non-SC with a 2:10.546, .4 is on the way… Congrats to both of you! Last 3lap WR of this update comes on MG No-Glitch, where Alperen, getting like 3 BKPs in the same day at one point, finally managed to get a big improvement to a 1:40.416 on the 20th. .3 is his next goal, though .2 doesn’t seem that much out of reach… so good luck for your future attempts! You know me, I can’t help but to talk about Flaps every 2 minutes. Fittingly, we still have one more Flap record to talk about for this update. It’s from Braixen, and even if you might guess the track, you will never guess the time. We’ve seen Justin fail here, we’ve seen countless others finish mere milliseconds away from that major milestone; however, we had never been so close to completing it. How fitting for one of the legends of the game to complete the elusive task of finally completing the prophecy and beating the last remaining God standard to complete the WR time’s Godsheet. Braixen thus makes history and gets the 20$ bounty with the help of a new strat, smashing the God standard by 54 milliseconds with an 18.296. We’ve done it. I wanna say, on behalf of all of the Player’s Page staff, a massive thank you to everyone who committed to the task, from the first ever God standard achieved way back in December 2009 on RR by Jorge to that last effort from Braixen. At long last, the bet made by former players all those years ago has finally come true. Happy ending. However, do you know who’s not done? Yeah, you remembered obviously. Logan is not done. World #1 in every category, in Combined or Non-SC, in AF or Total Time… He wanted something no one else had done before. He wanted that perfect ARR of 0, the God ARR. He wanted the Godsheet. And so, he grinded. And grinded. Grinded as a World #1 would grind. And, to almost everyone’s surprise, he was actually getting those God times. It started on the 8th when he got GV2 Flap. Then a day later he got rPB Flap. As we’ve discussed he went on to ascend on the Non-SC Flaps of GV, BC and most difficult of all, rSL, and he also got rDH Non-SC Flap during this time period. Then on the 19th he got rPB 3lap. Then on the 20th he got RR 3lap. When he caught his 62nd God on BC 3lap, the whole TT community had their eyes on their greatest player. On February 25th, the man actually achieved what Braixen had done just a week before, with a smaller margin, as he got the 2nd ever God on rYF Flap with a 18.349. Beating the standard by one millisecond. As the stars aligned, only one single category remained in Logan Kebabby’s way. Three God laps on LC were the only obstacle left to the greatest achievement in the game’s history. Starting at a respectable Myth D standard, he had one mission. He set countless PRs, spent countless hours on the first track in the game. 1:09.140, 1:09.131, 1:09.109. At this point, only 10 milliseconds separated him from his Godsheet. The time to get was 1:09.099. And so. During the night between February 29th and March 1st, on a date that only happens once every 4 years. After a disappointing PB of 1:09.104, the stars aligned on that fateful day. The clock had already hit March 1st in GMT timezones, but people of Wyoming, Logan’s state of residence, were still living their last hours of February. And what a way to close out the month than to finish a Mario Kart Wii Time Trial that would go down in history. Getting onto WW Tops with a 1:09.094, he had done it. The oof guy from Wyoming had done it. As the clock hit March 1st, he was the undisputed God of Mario Kart Wii. My most sincere and admirative congratulations to you Logan, this may be a feat no one else comes close to accomplishing, at least for a very, very long time. And that concludes the intro! I call that an intro but it’s really not an intro, especially if you consider the fact that this is already 5 pages long on my Google doc. For one single month this is absurdly long, but I guess there were a lot of things to talk about huh? Anyway, how about we continue the News? COUNTRY OF THE MONTH: I said when I started this thing that I would not include USA, but for this month it’s hard not to acknowledge what we’ve seen from players of this country, especially Logan, but also Connor, Braixen, Justin. Basically the only WR activity from non USA players were from Luke and Alperen, so even though their standards are the highest of any countries, this month was an insane month even for them. TRACK OF THE MONTH: everyone played it during the month from what I’ve seen, both the glitch and the No-Glitch category, so I’ll give this award to N64 DK’s “long ass name” Jungle Parkway. I myself even made the fucking glitch, that’s not something you see often… QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “The part of the brain that makes people play MKWii only works if they are missing every other part of the brain” - OrangeYoshi, February 7th, 2024 ANCIENT QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “God overall will never happen.” - Mick, November 14th, 2009 This News Update covers from February 1st, 2024 to February 29th, 2024. Say hello to the 2 new players we count for this month: 1stmatt (no fucking way we got the full trilogy) Saruu (Spanish goat) The Gods (Top 10) #1 (#1) LOGAN KEBABBY got the godsheet as told previously, I don’t think there’s much else to say as my SummoningSalt-like paragraph earlier on already covered everything #2 (#2) Justin Hitchcock got his rYF flap as mentioned earlier, as well as a RR Flap, a 1:49.4 on TF Non-SC, a 1:45.4 on TF Shortcut and a 1:31.2 on rMC. He might not be setting PRs left and right like Logan but he still got it! #3 (#4) Arvo Koskikallio got many PRs to comfort his #3 placement and is now 4 AF ahead of Jack. Man’s making moves. He still lost a bet and had to record himself reading out loud the entire wikipedia page of some random shit I don’t even remember the name of, what even was that bet lmfao #5 (#11) Vincent Braixen got one single time this update and we’ve already talked about it since it’s his rYF Flap. He may have made history, but he didn’t cut much AF with that… Also he got kicked out of the Non-SC Top 10 by the guy right below him #7 (#10) Mitchell Healy worked mainly on LC and RR and was perfectly in sync with Logan to the point where I would struggle to figure out if the screenshots I was seeing on MKL’s Discord were from one or the other, before coming to the realization that they both PRed at the same time. He got a 2nd WW time on DKS Flap with an ace up the sleeve and a really nice 33.172 Myth A time on Moonview Flap but it doesn’t beat me haha loser (please have mercy and don’t improve this is the only good thing in my timesheet I don’t wanna lose spots this quickly) The two lads that wanted to be different apparently (11-25) #13 (#18) Zed R got 4 Non-SC PRs and they’re all absolutely jacked as what we’re used to seeing from Colin. The German #1’s best time this update comes on rMC where he BARELY missed the holy 1:30, getting a 1:31.001, surely you can make the final push! Who knows, with this and a few other PRs you could maybe pass Totom in Combined AF… #14 (#9) Eclipse is the embodiment of how Flaps are key to your AF cuts. This guy cut 9 AF in 9 PRs at this level, cutting 5 placements and getting into Top 15, and he ONLY played flaps. Best one is on KC with a 44.138, 9th on the PP tied with Shane who set his time a day later (lmao). Man I Love Flaps. The Legends + Jayu (25-50) #27 (#36) Danny Boy Enters Top 30 by improving his weak categories such as DDR (get 1:50 please), rYF Flap, MG Flap and… rWS Glitch okay maybe he didn’t only play for AF. We’ve discussed this previously so I won’t go much in detail. Top 25 when? #30 (#3) Luke Brown’s times have all already been discussed because he only got his 2 WRs. It shows, cuz he was #29 in the last News. He doesn’t care about AF. He misses out on the nerdiest and objectively best way to play Mario Kart. Not my fault! #31 (#39) Shane Hogan got some great PRs that allowed him to move 3 placements, with the highlight being that juicy 2:19.4/44.138 combo on KC No-Glitch. The duck is making moves. Don’t drink too much for St Patrick’s day next week, you know ducks don’t drink alcohol! #36 (#67) Exploder mostly stayed in his comfort zone playing rYF and set a banger 4th WW time of 58.752 #38 (#49) Jyran Liebs got too many PRs and cut 13 spots to get into Top 40, the Labies man is killing it this month. #39 (#57) Nara Hiero also enters Top 40, mostly by playing glitches like Parkway or rSGB. The price to pay when you’ve glitched so many tracks, you can’t even improve your blue chart without them lmao. I will take note of the effort on CM though, a 1:58.2 is quite respectable. #46 (#80) JAYOO barely gets onto the News thanks to a clutch parking lot simulat- I mean CM Glitch where the pasta glitcher got a 32.651 that’s not even CR because Cross actually got a .5 the day before this is too funny. Also he got his GV Flap WR printed on a shirt this month so this is clearly the highlight. The greats (51-100) #56 (#142) Intel Core mainly worked on his No-Glitch timesheet this month, and although there are some cool things there’s still a lot to work on. I appreciate the dedication though, you’re out here working on your red charts when some people on this site don’t even have a completed timesheet… staring at the guy with a Koopa on Jet Bubble pfp #59 (#81) Jacob Loerzel has seen the horrors many people made on his favorite track and is not happy about it. I’m sorry but sign clip was easier to learn… also I just noticed the stats page trolled me because he didn’t play this month but since I’ve already written that joke and I like it I’m keeping him in the News, Jacob you can thank my poor sense of humor for this appearance! #61 (#120) Nate Schultz improved on a bunch of tracks and set cool times here and there like a subbing 2:05.976 on rDS or a 1:44.682 on Moonview, and also he got a Flap with box clip on TF that’s like his 4th best Flap so nice job dude #63 (N/A) Alex Shoal actually played something else than BC Flap because he also improved on rYF flap after the new strat was found and implemented by Braixen, and this is epic. Could you please complete your Non-SC timesheet though, this isn’t 2008 anymore… #64 (N/A) Bryce improved on SGB Glitch with an impressive 1:15.715 (6th WW) finish on the 3lap, nice job, I find it so funny though how the only other PR you got this month is on the literal opposite type of track that’s rBC No-Glitch, make it make sense lol #74 (#61) Michele Gallastri got CRs on both CM Glitch (aforementioned, rip Jayu) and MMM beating Sal’s time from October with a 1:16.006 (go 1:15 / EU tops!). One category he couldn’t beat Sal on though was MG No-Glitch where he fell short of 32ms with a 1:41.784. Still cool. #77 (#65) Boshi got 2 PRs on… Both GV2 Flaps? Weird combo but sure, one’s even a 16.445 that’s on WW Tops so we take those. Also sorry I don’t update the forum often but in all honesty I don’t even update often and when I do update I forget that it exists. #80 (#48) Mo No improved on rWS to set the respectable duo of 1:51.8/36.2 and also subbed on rDH alongside it for a 1:35.9. Nice stuff! #81 (#66) ArthurOww I FINALLY moved from the #84 spot I was in since like forever, but now what? With a DKJP glitch under my belt I wanted to improve my CM but I’m the all time worst player on that track so that stayed at a 48 entering March, hopefully I can improve it soon but rn I’m focusing on DDR because my time there is ass and I want to get a 1:49. Watch me not get it and proceed to play a completely different track next. This is usually how it goes. #90 (#47) Acquiesce improved on one of his best tracks, rSGB with a 1:21.908/25.440 pair of PRs. He doesn’t miss. #99 (#104) Cederic cooks on rYF (59.8) and rPB Glitch (1:08.9) to take the last step and enter the Combined Top 100. Very well deserved. Now it’s time to do the same on the superior chart bro (I am totally not biased you know me well I’m only spitting facts, like 34.1 is BKS on MG No-Glitch) The good people that got lives unlike everyone you saw earlier (101-200) #107 (#98) NITROFOX has only registered one single blue chart PR, that’s a 33.1 on CM, but I can assure you he got like 1000000 more PRs he just doesn’t care enough about the PP to update them. Thanks for the AF I guess #109 (#70) 2ndmatt PR dumped on the 22nd so idk if all of these times were set this month but I know for a fact that juicy combo of 1:09.049 on LC and 1:20.864 on MC is from February. He’s proven to the world he can indeed play something other than rMC, and he’s ready to cut some more AF! …Probably, I didn’t ask him tho #120 (#107) Owen Smith improves his weaker categories to cut AF from the #146 spot he was at last month, although he allowed himself to showcase his Spear skills on rPB and got a 1:13.5/22.6 duo of PRs. Very nice. #121 (#124) James Collins isn’t as active as he used to but he still got one PR for the update, a… 10.9 on Goldmine Glitch Flap. I can’t judge you cuz I got an 11.8 but yeah that’s not the best PB you could ask for… #134 (#91) Supreme also got one singular PR this update (why do y’all keep giving me more work to do!!), it’s a 1:50.7 on DDR, now I’m gonna mention the fact that I almost wrote flap which is funny because a 1:50.7 flap on DDR is dead last on the charts by almost a full minute (my sense of humor is broken) #158 (#166) Rheece Wachow pleases me and improves on his No-SC timesheet this month, nice. Salvaged a few good PRs here and there especially in the retros, but DKJP was his best work as he got a subbing 2:14.9 and a very cool 42.9 on the flap, ranked at 34th as his best ranked time in the Red Charts. Man I love No-Glitch. #166 (N/A) Dragon returns to the game after leaving in 2017 and actually improved his best category, as the former WR holder on DC improved on his decade-old PR with a 1:29.637. Very cool return. Good luck if you wish to improve more of your old times! #173 (N/A) Falco got a 42.9 on BC Glitch Flap and cut one placement with it. *clap clap clap* #174 (#72) Fraterz got a 1:51.5 on WGM No-Glitch (that’s also his glitch PR lmfao) and that’s it. Bro how many of you are there that only played one category this month #181 (#141) Dylan Lepeirtz got quite a few PRs (finally) to pass 12 people in the leaderboards, and the highlight is that 34.4 on CM Glitch that’s almost Top 50 and his best ranked time, congrats! #186 (#88) Kenneth Bernales PBd on 2 categories being TF No-SC (1:51.4) and MT No-Glitch Flap (45.5). Barely enough to cut AF but he still climbed one placement, cool stuff #199 (#155) Ryan Lynch got a single PR on TF No-SC as well, a 1:51.5. Couldn’t beat Kenneth, rip The other good people just a bit worse at the game (200-300) #202 (#106) Pabloski Cuts 4 placements thanks to 2 cool PRs on rPB and DKJP No-Glitch, and is closing in on the Top 200, although I’ll say that No-SC Top 100 will feel much better when you eventually hit it. #203 (#92) Brian Lai improved on a bunch of categories to cut 9 placements and close out on that Top 200! Among those PRs I can note a cool 2:13.5 on Parkway as well as a 2:00.7 on rPG, keep up the good work #216 (#165) ElecTrick cleaned up some weak flaps he had rusting then went to KC to grab one of his best PRs, a 2:22.002 that’s Legend D. Sadly no sub :’( #296 (#205) Woomy only got one PR… OH wait it’s on GV Glitch Flap. Since Jayu isn’t here today I’ll make an impression of him hold on… *clears throat* “Based, porcodio �-�” #297 (#247) Emil Lönquist for this News cycle got a single time of 2:37.0 on rBC, getting up to a Hero D standard. There’s still some work left if you wanna get 64/64 Heroes in Combined but I believe you can do it! Good luck man! The Chads just here for the ride (300+) #301 (#222) Ncsr. improved on 14 different categories to cut 14 AF and barely miss out on being Top 300 this month. Here’s a spoiler for you though: he actually got it early march, so congrats on the W! #331 (#221) James Muraski...timesheets? I’ve seen you sending your times on the discord for so long I didn’t even know you hadn’t finished your timesheet lol. Well welcome to the charts I guess #335 (N/A) YangMK6 is pursuing his dream of beating Falco in all categories, and so, he submitted times for… His own best track, MT No-Glitch. Well Falco was ahead of him on this one so it’s justified, he even got a 2:17.7/44.7 duo so yeah, mission successful. You won’t be able to beat all his times if you don’t finish your No-SC timesheet though! #340 (#246) Dwt89_ timesheets onto the leaderboard, greetings from France to Ireland! (stop bullying us in Rugby please) #357 (#208) Pablo Hernangómez gets a single PR (how many of you did that this update) but it’s a great one as it’s a 1:31.7 on rMC. I myself don’t even have a time like this here and I’m Top 100 so clearly you have some AF to cut! #383 (#243) .VNix also got a single PR (seriously), on rSL, with a 2:09.6. The fact that a kart can get a 2:09 on this track is genuinely fucking impressive. #395 (#277) Leila FalB Massanova blessed us with a banger of a PB video, showcasing how she tricked Nitrofox into believing he beat her (basically hoarding) for the sake of revenge. Her plans didn’t work out very well though as he beat her back before she could release the vid of her hoarded time, and he actually found out about the hoard before she sent that vid cause of the ghost being in CTGP. Epic fail from the MKItalia dev, but guess what you did well? You actually made me wanna play DKJP glitch. That’s a fucking miracle. #398 (#237) Fireball works with efficiency by cutting 15 AF for only 3 PRs, and thus gets into Top 400 for the first time! Playing glitches surely helps on your Glitch AF huh… #405 (#251) Princessje11ybean comes backs after a few months and sets a few PRs on his worst tracks, but why did you change your discord name from Astra back to Narumi that name was so good #417 (#269) Chansey actually didn’t only play CM Glitch this month, and chose Moonview of all tracks to set a 1:46.7. Perhaps I treated you too harshly. Here, take this egg as a gift. 🥚 #441 (#272) Benito PR dumps on the 19th. He was last seen in July 2020 when he also PR dumped, so welcome back I guess, and see you in 4 years I presume #452 (#280) Calum Sutherland got 20 PRs to climb 14 placements, nice and rare to see in this part of the charts! #545 (#291) Cole Gate only got 2 PRs but managed to cut 2 AF and pass 1 player on the charts, good job! #562 (#283) Leo Perna cut AF big time with a -37, biggest this update. He passed 16 people with his 14 PRs. #572 (#311) Mattinatorr got 4 PRs, but it wasn’t enough to bring home the AF cuts. He still only gained 0.4 AF so we’re fine. #609 (#321) Charles Schrader got 12 PRs to boost himself by 5 placements and cut 9 AF, Top 600 is near! #646 (#329) MashingSapphic got 5 PRs, cut 2 AF, but sadly didn’t move any spots. At least she didn’t lose a placement! #730 (#372) Dillon Karst is our last player this update, as he cut 10 AF with 15 PRs and passed 10 other karters. Way to go! And there you go, that’s the update! And just like that we’re starting to get back to a more… traditional upload schedule. Hopefully that’ll last. I honestly have no idea what the rest of the year is gonna look like, but one thing is certain: there’s so much more Mario Kart to be played, and so we keep playing! Until the next update, have a good one, take care and enjoy that last bit of the News. Thanks for reading! Take a closer look at this month’s Site Records: Luke Brown beat the old Daisy Circuit crs time of 1'28"372 with a time of: 1'28"321 Alex Shoal beat the old Bowser's Castle lap time of 0'41"722 with a time of: 0'41"536 Vincent Braixen beat the old DS Yoshi Falls lap time of 0'18"357 with a time of: 0'18"296 Danny Boy beat the old GCN Waluigi Stadium lap time of 0'21"782 with a time of: 0'21"346 No-Glitch: Logan KEBABBY beat the old Grumble Volcano lap time of 0'35”486 with a time of: 0'35”446 Logan KEBABBY beat the old Bowser Castle lap time of 0'45”760 with a time of: 0'45”751 Logan KEBABBY beat the old N64 Sherbet Land lap time of 0'39”668 with a time of: 0'39”646 Luke Brown beat the old N64 DK’s Jungle Parkway crs time of 2’10”572 with a time of: 2’10”546 PLAYER AWARDS: Player of the Week: - February 1: Jyran Liebs for continuing his efforts made in January and cutting 13 AF and 12 spots to finish #39 on the 8th of the month. - February 2: Cederic for getting into the Combined AF Top 100 - February 3: Vincent Braixen for getting a 18.2 on rYF Flap, completing the WR timesheet with its last remaining God standard and fulfilling the prophecy former players set up back in 2009 - February 4: Luke Brown for getting 2 WRs in quick succession, beating Logan on DC and improving on DKJP Non-Shortcut, and getting back on track Player of the Month: - February: Logan KEBABBY for lowering his AF down to insane levels (4.87 Combined / 3.82 Non-SC), but most importantly being the first and only player to complete the GODSHEET by lowering his ARR to 0. 64/64 God standard times in the game, completed. PLAYER OF THE YEAR 2023: Logan KEBABBY with 33.3% of the community’s votes. MEME OF THE MONTH:  - Arthur’Oww, the guy that has totally never released a News after the due date |
The long awaited oneArthurOww @ Wednesday, February 7th 05:28PM [link] |
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| HELLOOOOOOO LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, Karters and Kartesses, how’s it going???? After an 11-month hiatus, your favorite News writer returns to spending way too much time going over every single one of y’all’s timesheets! How about that… I know you’ve missed me, and even if you didn’t, I do not care. As I’m here today, I offer you a brand new essay to sum up everything that has happened in the last few (actually not so few) weeks. Enjoy… But before we get deep into the big stuff, let me introduce you with this little paragraph (that's totally not being written last second because we forgot about it) to the Player of the Year 2023 voting! As always, it's a little poll for you all to decide which Karter stood out the most during the past year. Right now, you can go submit a list of 5 players maximum you want to nominate for this poll, and the 5 players with the highest number of votes get in that last decisive poll that'll be made in a week or two. You thus have little time to nominate, so I encourage you to go on the Player's Page Forum and place down your nominations list right now and right here. So, what has happened since the last News? Well, at first, basically nothing lmao. In July and August we saw a grand total of 5 WRs with August only getting ONE of them, the fewest we've seen since April 2016! Truly the WR scene is bleeding, since there isn’t as much activity at top level as there used to be, honestly expected due to the game’s age (no wayyy who would’ve thought) and the MK8DX DLC that came out during the year. Logan literally took a break to play MK8 at one point, and this really pushed down the WR activity (although his break wasn’t that long and he still got 15/32 records this update lol). We also saw the likes of Kasey, Sosis, Luke, Braixen and others setting WRs alongside Logan this News cycle. Let’s talk about it. First off, your usual Logan records. He became the 2nd player to break the 100 WR tally, after Luke, on July 22nd when he got a 1:28.411 on DC beating his former PR by .013. He came back to the track in January (this News is way overdue) to get a second PR, this time getting the first .3 with a 1:28.372. He then went on to focus on TF where he improved the Shortcut category 3 times finishing with a 1:44.178 right at the start of September, and improved the Non-Shortcut category once with an "ever so slightly closer to a 1:48" 1:49.039 on August 28th. Yes it's that one WR that avoided a 0 WR month and yes that means we cut a WHOPPING 35ms off the No-Glitch WR Total Time in August. Surely it's the smallest time cut in quite some time. Then he went on good old GCN Mario Circuit and literally got 4 WRs in a week to get that insane sub 1:30, a 1:29.945 on the last day of September. That allowed him to narrowly beat Luke and become the guy with the most WRs ever at 108 WRs entering October. Also remember when I said Logan played MK8? Well he literally got WR on the newly added MH there for a bit meaning he held both the MKW and MK8DX WRs of the track at the same time lmao that’s our champ Sosis also got a little mad that Logan dared to take MMM from him a few months ago, so he took it back and improved it as we've seen in the prior News Update, except he was really mad apparently because he improved again! The American becomes the first player to sub .3 with a 1:15.273 on July 25th, ggs Saucisse you’re a beast on your tracks as always We then get to Kasey who continues to break down rPG, getting the first 1:58.8 with a .890. Considering the fails that he's gotten recently, we'll probably hear more about the track in the next Update. I totally didn’t write that 4 months ago, Kasey definitely touched the track since and hasn’t gone on other tracks at all! I mean what I wrote is still relevant cuz we might see the track next News Update… However that's not his big WR for September, and that one surely requires an entire paragraph so hold on let me press enter twice rq 15 years of MKWii and he seemed to always have one world record. 15 years, and through LC, rYF, RR, rPB and plenty of other tracks, he remained one of the top tier karters all this time. His reign on his ace track was utterly insane, covering by himself almost half a second on a track where it's difficult to save even a frame at this level. He remained the owner of the track for more than a decade. And after a tie that seemed almost unbelievable, someone was, in the end, able to end this ownership. The track is LC, and as you probably guessed by now, someone other than Cole is now the sole proprietor of the track, and that guy is obviously Kasey that made history on September 30th with a 1:08.733. Cole's reign was established with a 23 consecutive WR streak that went on for 3702 days, so 10 years, one month and 19 days, from August 11th, 2013 to September 30th, 2023. It stands as the #1 longest lasting reign in the history of the game, #2 being MrBean on WGM Glitch with 2772 days. Cole's last WR was the one that lasted the longest in his reign by a landslide with 1404 days as the record, that's his 2nd longest lasting WR after the 58.970 on rYF, and just like that, one of the all time greats of the game is left with no record for the first time in years. All I need to say now is huge congrats to Kasey and, well, the king's dead, long live the king. May you be the one to improve this track even further. I said Logan got his 1:29 on rMC on September 30th, and Kasey also broke LC on that same day, right? Well, well, let me tell you something: I had never seen this happen before, but on that last day of the month, 2 other WRs were set, by 2 different players, on 2 different categories, meaning we actually got 4 people getting 4 records on 4 categories all in one day. How cool is that. You can say the last 2 categories are just Glitch and No-Glitch of one single track, but still… And btw, it’s rBC I’m talking about. We first saw Luke finally break through and end his drought on the track by getting a 2:30.573, only a 9ms improvement sadly but enough to get a new record, plus at this level even a frame is hard to cut off on this track (absolutely not speaking from experience I am not a god at this track with my dumb mid 2:32) so congrats to Luke. On the Glitch side, Logan’s first successful run was defeated more than 1000 days after it was set, and the man to do it was, obviously, Mr (now former) 2nd Worldwide who didn’t get thwomped this time around, Core with a 2:20.406. Crazy to think that this was only the 2nd record we had on the category… After this busy last day came October and we got 6 WRs to talk about here… Yeah 4 of them are Logan’s what do you want me to do about it First off, who would’ve thought that after a 1000 days drought on rBC Glitch we would see 4 new WRs in quick succession? Definitely not me. After Core’s run, another glitcher managed to get the record, and as the holder of RR Glitch Danny Boy became a multi-WR holder for the first time in his life by getting the sub 2:20 with a 2:19.908 on the 7th of the month. It wouldn’t last long though, because as he saw there was some competition, Logan joined to get some fun with the lads and ruined it by setting a 2:18.963 on October 16th and a 2:17.997 the day after, that’s why you can’t party with the boys Logan that’s because you’re too strong be gentle sometimes! :rainiosmile: On the same day as Logan’s last rBC run, Luke also got close to BC3 No-SC, climbing all the way to 4ms behind Logan! We all thought “wow that was so close” for 30 minutes until he got another run going and beat Logan to get a 2:16.183, first time subbing .2, nice work from the English. With that he also climbs to #1 in terms of number of WRs on the category with 8. The ultimate goal still is that insane 2:15, and it is achievable, so good luck Luke you have what it takes And then we got… Oh shit MOONVIEW MENTIONED RAAAAAHH BEST TRACK IN THE GAAAAAAAME where Logan improved his 1 year old record twice in the same 11-hour stream (oof) with a 1:42.984 (smol) and a 1:42.975 (also smol) on October 21st. I had watched the runs because, well, Moonview lmao, and tbh even though I hadn’t played the category in literal years I couldn’t but notice the timesave we could get on this. And turns out, I was right, since Logan got a .872 just a week later. Pretty interesting developments on this track, but still, I’m sure it can go down lower. Maybe in 2024 we’ll see a .7? And then, the desert. The void. Nothing. No WRs for almost a full month, and only one lonely WR in November. The track? MG Non-SC. The savior? You guessed it, Alperen, with a 1:40.494, subbing 1:40.5 for the first time here. December was more on the busy side, with 6 WRs set. Still not much, but it’s honest work by Braixen, who returned to his favorite track’s No-Glitch category and thus improved CM Non-SC a whopping 5 times in just 10 days from December 9th to December 19th. Pretty cool. He started off with the first 1:55.3 with a .360 (no scope) then grinded it down to a .264. He sadly couldn’t reach that goal of a .1 he set himself, but I’m sure he’ll get it. Stay strong and finish the job man! Mario Kart Wii is a game that’s been dominated by the USA for a few years now. And among the countless American WRs we had, how fitting for the last WR of the year to be set by a Spaniard? Just before Christmas Eve, Poyo thus reclaims his WGM Glitch throne from Ray once again with a .678 The first WR of the year on the other hand, is fully American, as Vincent takes home the Raceway crown, beating Sosis with a 1:41.193 on January 6th. A great way to start the year for the #5 US player and for the game as a whole too since Sosis’ time lasted for more than 2 years! Justin does what Justin does best, and it’s releasing a vid of a WR nobody expected at a time nobody expected either. Former World #1 takes .387 off of the rDH Glitch WR to lower it to a 1:30.603, mostly thanks to the first-ever sub 30 lap to be featured in a WR run, a 29.896 right at the end to finish it off. Great job as always. The maestro of DKS has fallen and now has a rival worthy of his prestige! Blake got his WR taken by Connor who, despite losing his streak of getting a WR each year from 2017 to 2022, hasn’t left the game and still hits us hard with a 1:44.568 on January 26th. Will Blake be able to take the crown back? He’s trying. Will Connor improve his newly acquired WR? Maybe. Only time will tell. Oh right, guess what? Flap time! We got 31 Flaps to cover (god that’s so much) on various tracks, mostly from Unrestricted, and yeah, mostly from Logan lmao Chronologically, Vincent "MostCommonNameEver" Nguyen reclaimed his RR glitch WR from Danny "former planet" Boy with a 14.675, first time subbing .7, then to my surprise (and probably a few others) Luke came back on LC, of all tracks, to hit the ramp and finished a 21.590, subbing .6 for the first time and becoming the first player to set a Flap WR on the track using the Bowser Bike, and that's fucking huge. Then… Logan subbed 43.7 on KC No-Glitch, stole DDR from Justin by one millisecond and got the first ever 32 lap on MH. 43.678, 32.491, 32.991, all of these are WRs. The interesting part here is that, well, he got them all in one day, August 18th. OK Mr. Kebabby OMG I got someone that we don't see often. Carter Clem! No, not the Carter from rPG, that's another one. After getting his maiden WR on MT Flap in November last year, he strikes again and improves on August 22nd to a 23.608, beautiful. Congrats man! And then for the Flap WRs set in September, we got… Logan again oh f The American improves his rMC Glitch flap yet again, now he's so used to it that he doesn't even need to save the ghost, he casually set his WR then reset his run as if nothing happened. Thankfully it was on stream lol. He also got 2 WRs on TF Shortcut just because poor Mitch tried to get the record and Logan got mad so he cut more than .1 to a 31.592. But guess what, he's not the only guy who can set WRs! On BC Non-SC, improving to a 45.760, Fraterz gets his maiden flap WR, beating Justin by .143. Finally we get someone new! Congrats on the record, hopefully you'll hold on to it! In October, Shane cut 1ms on his CM Glitch Flap… Then cut 1ms on his CM Glitch Flap again, excuse me? You’re going from a 4.122 to a 4.120 with 2 WRs?? Tbh, if you could get to 4.099 with 20 more records that’d be pretty funny so keep on cutting those milliseconds bro Lawrence improved his KC Glitch with a good 15.854, a few months after his previous one, gj gj sadly I don’t have much to say I don’t see anything special about it but a record is a record so congrats! In the last 10 years, only 2 people had held the rWS No-Glitch Flap WR. Those being Totom for more than 7 years and Justin for almost 3. That was until October 17th, where Australian track specialist Falco got to work and set a godly time of 35.132, beating Justin by 2ms and getting the first Flap WR of his career in style. Congrats man! The last 2 Flap records we got are on rBC Glitch, they’re just glitch laps of the 3lap records we mentioned previously: Danny got a 30.776 beating Core’s flap, then although Logan didn’t beat it in his 2:18, his 2:17 subbed 30 for the first time with a 29.752. Pretty cool. Sadly, no new Flap WRs were set in November. It’s pretty strange to think that even though the PP’s activity didn’t change, it even got better, the WR scene almost went silent for the whole month. Sad. December made it up for it tho, since we actually got a third of the Flap records for this Update during this month! The Italian lad, the Mii-abusing time-updating man himself, Jayu, got 3 WRs (omg) on GV glitch (ehhhhh) at the start of the month, with a stating 2.805, subbing 2.791 and finishing 2.785 from December 7th to December 11th. Nice job my dear coworker Then, the updating team had a brilliant idea: because the standards are just way too old and outdated, but we still wanted for all Gods to be hit, we thought it would be cool to set up a bounty for whoever would manage to get at least one of the last few remaining God standards of rSL Non-SC, rYF, and GV Non-SC flaps. And guess who took our (Hydr8ion’s) money? The #1 European TTer, the first one to get 100 WRs, you guessed it, it’s Luke! He improved GV Non-SC twice, first to a 35.528 on December 15th then to a 35.486 three days later. He thus got a grand total of 30$. Jackpot, Luke! Back to TF Shortcut, where after the Mitch vs Logan event, we saw a 3rd karter shoot his shot at the record, successfully this time. Jack Gluesing thus got a 34.811 and 34.806 both on the same day of December 16th. Great job from Mr rSGB Glitch Flap! Did you know that JMM’s rSL Glitch flap is the only WR of the category to surpass 1000 days? Well sadly, it won’t pass 1100 days because it just got beaten by Wii Wheel extraordinaire Ray on the 27th of the month, with a 10.584, barely 3ms ahead of the Portuguese. From one Chad to another. The last few flap records of the year were set by βτ member and rMC god Bickbork himself, on, your guessed it again (this is starting to feel like a game show), rMC, where he beat his former WR from mid 2022 by exactly .1 from a 28.451 to a .351 on the 28th, then again with a .324 two days later the day before New Year’s Eve. And with that, the 2023 season comes to an end. Goodnight… Wake up!!! It’s the first of the month! Well actually it’s not the first it’s the 12th of January, but KingAlex, the one and only, returns with a banger as he gets BC Shortcut flap setting two times of 41.865 and 41.722 later on the 25th, with the… Spear?? Yeah, the lad heard of a way to make the BC ending shortcut RTA, and thus went on to try it, setting the first Spear flap WR on the track since Jorge’s 42.723 in… 2010. That’s a long time and long-overdue return for both the vehicle and the karter. The last (finally) WR to talk about for this update comes from Blake, obviously on DKS, where Mr. Germany got a 33.741 on January 24th. He might have lost his 3lap record to Connor, but this man is still unbeaten on the flap for almost 10 years, ever since his subbing 33.989 on May 29th, 2014. Standing the test of time. Wait it’s not the last Flap record! Falco improved his rWS Flap to a 35.119 just to piss me off after I wrote his last part on stream, this bozo didn’t even record his time too or at least it’s not on the Flap WRs sheet, but he got another paragraph about him for this update so congrats Falco (don’t ever do this again or I will make your walls my new home) I feel like it’s worth mentioning it, but Liam’s rDH No-Glitch Flap WR is still standing, and as of January 30th, literally the day I’m writing this, this 29.317 turns 8. years. old. 2922 days old. That’s the longest a record has ever stood, more than Thomas’ 41.425 on DKJP Shortcut set in 2015 that took 7.5 years to beat and lasted 2781 days. Will Liam’s record last 3000 days? It seems so, and it would be insane to see. If you don’t want it to hit that milestone, get to work, because it should hit it on April 17th. You know what to do. That's every WR we got since Arvo's Update, now let me introduce you to a more interesting part of this News because MKW can't exist without… the pause-buffering drama ofc What happened? To make it short, in early September we realized that Justin paused a lot when setting 2 of his KC WRs, while making the glitch. Asked about it, he replied that he buffered the pause button to get the glitch more consistently. Now, if you're familiar with the rules, you might remember that pause buffering is not allowed, therefore Justin's runs have to be considered as cheated runs. They have been removed from the Player's Page. If you ever wondered, no, we did not consider banning him at any moment, given the issue being minimal (only 2 times and one PR), and the fact that we never ever banned someone for pause buffering. That brought a question though, because even though he pause buffered to get the glitch more consistently, he still drove a WR time by pure skill and didn't "cheat" for the rest of the run. Should we really ban his runs then? To avoid moments like this in the future, why shouldn't we allow pause buffering altogether? The debate rises again after its first appearance for the rPG flower hop back in 2018, and we thus hosted a vote on the matter both on the public and private TT servers. We asked if players wanted to keep the rule as it is, pause buffering being disallowed, or debanning the method, allowing people to pause the game at any time for any reason. The result dropped a few months ago (lol I delayed this News way too much), and the "keep it" option beat the "deban" option, 124 to 85, 60% in favor of Pause Buffering being banned. Sadly I don't have access to the private server so idk how it turned out there but since I've heard nothing from them it's probably the same result I just told you. To sum up the thing, Justin paused to make his KC Glitch easier, it's banned so his runs using pause buffering are not taken into account anymore, he's not banned, we held a poll on whether or not we should unban pause buffering or not, the community decided to keep the rule as it is. Idk why but I feel like we're gonna meet up again in 3-4 years on the exact same topic and redo a poll on should we ban pausing On a more fun note AGDQ happened and Logan went there with Blake and ZeldaCubed to make a 32-track skips run, he finished in 1h10mins so yeah pretty good stuff, very nicely done. Anyway that's all for now, time for the part of the News that's gonna get me terminal brain cancer by age 25 if I keep doing it COUNTRY OF THE “MONTH”: Australia gets it because Mitch multiplied their activity by 5 and they were already very active in the first place, but since it’s been so long I actually want to also give it to Italy as they also were very active and are stepping up so much it would be a shame to not mention it. Players like Carlo, Nitrofox, obviously Jayu, and others have really brought their country to a level it had never been seen on before. TRACK OF THE “MONTH”: Congrats to Mushroom Peaks for winning this award! Truly the best track ever made. QUOTES OF THE “MONTH”: I’d rather someone steal my rizz than my jizz” - Logan Kebabby, August 29th, 2023 ”had a dream there was a new glitch called “““““orgy physics””””” where being bumped by players repeatedly caused you to gain ev” - BlackyBoi, October 12th, 2023 “We're all NPCs living in a world where Colin the Mega Mushroom is the main character” - Arthur’Oww, December 12th, 2023 ”free my boy kooper” - Nate Schultz, December 15th, 2023 ”bcwii geysers can be compared to your genitals, they can both erupt with some form of liquid” - Core, January 16th, 2024 ANCIENT QUOTE OF THE “MONTH”: "What does sub mean?" - Lowercaseletters, 2017 This News Update covers from July 16th, 2023 to January 31st, 2024. Say hello to the 22 new players we count for this month: L$AN (Orelsan) Panda Man (Cow Man's cousin) Abby (Each News we get someone whose name doesn't meet the length requirements) Herold (this one does tho) Owen Smith (rYF goat) Fireball (nice clash royale reference) Firefanged (there are now 4 people on the site with “fire” in their names, “water” people when tbh) Derpness (Minecraft pfp) Borat (bro is a literal film) Harry Eyers (surprisingly the only Harry on the site) Everett Vereen (unsurprisingly the only Everett on the site, never heard that name) DaBreeze (evolves at lvl 25 into DaWind) Shojiro (I see some great times on that timesheet that’s good) Leo Perna (already has a full timesheet, you love to see it) Dillon Karst (2 timesheeters in a row?! insane) JWR56 (Does not have 56 WRs) Dwt89_ (TWD98 alt) Hockeylord900 (Sounds like a Canadian name to me) Alex Croteau (Alex #18 on the site, an army is forming) John McArdle (Hello from SMK) Thomas Norton (Thomas #19 on the site, another army is forming) Due to me taking longer to write the News than Rockstar to release GTA 6 or girls to take the right selfie, the leaderboard has been a teamwork between almost every member of the PP’s staff. You’ll see stuff from me, Jayu, Ben and Hydr8ion, so have fun guessing who’s the writer behind each player’s paragraph, and enjoy this long overdue part! ...and let me live without the burden of the News on my shoulders please Your grandma knows them (Top 10) #1 (#1) Logan KEBABBY Made fun of MK8DX as I previously said, before entertaining us with a few more WRs, as I also previously said. Not World #1 for nothing. #3 (#4) Arvo Koskikallio this lad got so many PRs I can’t even talk about them all even though they're all cracked so all I'm gonna mention is that everyone’s favorite updater passed Gluesing in the blue charts to reclaim his Top 3 placement and that's pretty insane. He’s on a roll right now and it's well deserved, good job my man #4 (#14) Jack Gluesing got up to Top 3 last News cycle but was beaten by Arvo as we just said. He got a few PRs but half of them were in No-SC so the stats program didn’t give a single fuck about them. However I do, so beautiful Sherbey time, sir #5 (#10) Vincent Braixen, just like Jack, keeps his spot thanks to 2 PRs although these 2 actually made him cut AF because he made the glitch on RR with a 1:59/15.8 combo, nice way to cut spots to catch up on the others #6 (#17) Vincent Nguyen had all of his activity in July. WAIT. The red charts indicate some excellent times on RR! Unfortunately, those do not get mentioned in the news update because of irrelevance so I will mention his rDH shortcut times. Good job. #7 (#12) Mitchell Healy oh boy here we go. From #17 to this in just 6 months. 39 DIFFERENT CATEGORIES IMPROVED and that's only counting his Unrestricted timesheet because my stats page is an archaic fossil that was made in 1998!!! That’s probably the biggest step-up we’ve seen since Logan honestly. Highlights? Bro how can I even pick fucking highlights in this monstrous pile of PRs???? #8 (#5) Martin Fox played more TTs in these past 6 months than in the entire 2017-2020 era, I guess those mogis are becoming quite boring huh? He got great times on BC3 (12th), BC (7th) and TF (6th). Not too bad from the former World #1! #10 (#7) Bynt. GOT THE 2:16 ON BC3 LETS FUCKING GO I’m only mentioning that cuz this man had been on it for weeks having Don Capri-esque fails on the last straight lap 3, then finally pulled it off. Very happy for you man. They get recognized on the street (Top 50) #11 (#16) Thomas van Deerse bro played wtf I thought he was retired???? I mean I guess when you get kicked out of the top 10 you kinda want to get back on it, so he set one lonely PR of... Actually nevermind the Stats page pranked me his last time is from 2021 #17 (#21) Indy Kambeitz was mostly a glitcher during this time period but did get 1:49 on TF. While Indy was active, so was Indianapolis with the playing of the Big Ten championship, where Iowa got rekt by Michigan ;( #ToryTaylor4Heisman Sorry Weexy, back to your segment. He got a top 10 time on CM flap. #18 (#9) Eclipse got a 1:31.2 on rMC, a 59.0 on rYF, 42.4 on BC flap, and a 3lap and flap on TF sc. These prs helped him ECLIPSE into the #18 spot for Unrestricted. God I need to get some sleep #19 (#18) Dane Allen enters Top 20 with what looks like a PR dump, probably for the first time as well because I don’t recall seeing him in there? Good job if that's the case #20 (#8) Jay Rangthale dropped 2 spots but hey he improved his rPG so that’s cool I guess #22 (#31) Enzo Leussink played no glitch, getting a couple of pretty decent times, unfortunately he was not as fast as his competitor, Enzo Ferrari, acted by Adam Driver in the film Ferrari which came out on Christmas Day. #23 (#27) Jake Harrison popped in for a couple quick PRs, most notably getting 1:41 on rMR and a 1:22.0 on rSGB. Good stuff Mr. Canada. Unfortunately these PRs did not help Canada in the World Juniors where they lost to Czechia. Absolutely embarrassing. #26 (#30) Phyzothy only improved on BC Shortcut with a 2:10.8, dropped 2 spots, here’s your long-awaited News Update, sorry for the wait but you wouldn’t have made it into it if it weren’t delayed so badly lol #29 (#3) Luke Brown set two 3lap WRs during this time, on rBC and rBC3. More importantly, however, was his contribution to LC flap. He set a 21.590 using the bowser bike. It truly changed the category, making it significantly easier and faster. He also got the first God standard time on GV No-SC flap, completing one part of the bounty. #30 (#23) Kevin Miller played a couple of tracks to defend his spot as #1 Pennsylvania. He has completely revamped his timesheet on the red chart side this year, which is insanely impressive. #31 (#82) Ryley Carroll hey guys, I am also helping out a wee bit. I did some flapping, got a .4 on LC, finally got rid of my disgusting rPG rank, etc. I got ww tops on rDH back at a meetup. Maybe one day I’ll finally get RR glitch done and cut like 8 AF. #32 (#38) Danny BoyJAYU INVASION STARTS. Our Boy Danny Boy (i know) cut a ridiculous 21 AF from the previous update, with an insane fluk-2:19 on rBC glitch, which was of course world record at the time (waw), 1:40 on rWS glitch and 2:04 on KC glitch. this timesheet is making me emotional jesus christ, good job Danny keep up the gaming. #34 (#42) Shane Hogan Shane lost AF, point and laugh people. jokes aside the duck man didn’t play much but for how much he played, he PLAYED. My guy blessed us with 2 WRs on CM glitch flap (zapalapadawg really cut 2 ms in a span of 3 WRs), GV glitch almostER (get 15 bozo), a 1:47 on DKSC (actually cracked) and LC FLAP (nobody cares). #36 (#66) Exploder OK EXPLOSION COOKED. He cut more AF than Danny with a staggering 24, the highlights of his baking process were yet another rYF 58 (big shock huh) that got him to 3rd, 1:49.4 on DKS and 1:29.8 on DC. he almost completely revamped his timesheet in the last months, big congrats Exploder! #39 (N/A) Lawrence hohoho we got another glitch guy here, Lorenzo landed a 15.8 on KC glitch flap, that makes me timbers shiver, a 1:45.4 on box factory (that is pretty good), and a really classy 1:49 on the box factory without the box. #41 (#24) Shaun Tanney didn’t know he still played tts, he got a 1:49 on toddle’s factory too, great. i have nothing else to say other than END OF JAYU INVASION GOODBYE. #44 (#80) JAYOO …What just happened? I was gone eating the pizza Jayu sent me and now there’s stuff written everywhere here. Must’ve been the wind… Anyway, the frenchie’s back for some more updates. This guy I totally don’t know about sets multiple Flap WRs and holds the fastest lap in MKW History, quite nice, with those flap WRs also came a 17.312 3lap set on the last day of the update that’s 7th WW and 3rd EU so that’s pretty cool stuff as well from this lovely stranger! Also he made Parkway, TF and RR glitch, got a 59.3/18.4 duo on rYF (what the actual fuck), surely he must be pretty decent at this game but I can’t know every player sadly! #46 (#67) Nara Hiero breaks into Top 50 for this News Update while lowering his AF to below 100 for the first time in the process! The PRs that made it happen you may ask? Surprisingly, not much, just beating a few below-average times such as rBC, BC3 or …BC, the guy played all 3 BCs in a single month, that’s even crazier than the Top 50 if you ask me… Great progression I see there, surely there’s more to come! They're talked about (Top 100) #51 (#50) Will Marable Beat me on DC, rPG and fucking Moonview of all tracks, all within 2 months cuz he only played in October and November, and still managed to set times in rBC (also beats me), DKM Glitch (at least I don’t play that category) and CM Glitch (fucking annihilates me). Now if you may, I shall give the next portion of the News to my colleagues and friends while I’m crying in my bed because all my good times are sweeped like they’re nothing. See ya in a few minutes #54 (#59) Jyran Liebs had a couple of runs early in the period, but has gone absolute ham recently. He’s submitted a bunch of times over the last few days, like 1:43.8 on MH, sub 2:01 on rPG, and a ton of flaps. well done mr. australia wait a minute, he got 1:00 on rPB??? I didn’t even know that, good stuff #58 (#86) Jacob Loerzel is… TIED IN AF WITH JMM?? I have never ever seen this happen. It’ll surely not be the case for long, it may not even be the case when the News releases, so I just wanted to highlight that because it’s super cool. Also his DKJP WR turned 1000 days old this News cycle, time really flies. #60 (#51) Claus cut AF but gained 2 spots, womp womp #62 (#148) Intel Core as he always does demonstrates his insane glitch ability, pulling off improvements on RR, KC, and CM. Most importantly, however, was the fact that he hit a WR on rBC glitch! Great job! Also a lot of solid nosc improvements, well done Core! #63 (#125) Nate Schultz seems to be unfortunately running out of new somewhat easy glitches to do. Because of this, he has had to improvise, getting improvements on rPG, LC flap, etc… He also got tops on WGM glitch flap (and promptly had aaron w (big anti flap guy) to record it) #64 (#69) Ultra_Pear improved on rSGB and got an incredible 3rd ww time. Absolutely insane stuff to see. Later on in this time period, he worked on he timesheeted a bit, playing rDS, DKSC, and LC flap. Truly one of the players of the game. #69 (N/A) Bryce takes what once was Alberto’s property, the sought-after #69 spot… Maybe if you finished your No-SC timesheet you could get your hands on both titles and become the king of the Player’s Page??? Just saying… #75 (#11) Filler played MMM, TF and rPG during summer break, although his main PRs are probably gonna be on the Banana cup with rSL and rSGB from the same time period. Man improved to a 4th WW placement on both categories, with a 2:04.054 and a 1:21.522. With all these amazing PRs he may have gotten #10 for a short time during this News cycle, but I can’t and will never be able to know because my stats page is racist towards Non-SC people. As a frenchie I invite all of you to make a revolution against Penev so that he makes his stat page acknowledge the existence of a timesheet that’s been a thing since 2012. Free the Reds! #80 (#48) Mo No got a 2:22.4 on BC Non-SC, dipped, then came back 2 months later with a bangering 33.209 on my favorite category that is MH Flap. Couldn’t make me happier. #84 (#65) ArthurOww fuck you bitch no nice words for you that’s what you get for delaying the update. Now get back to work you stupid moron (post-production me here, yeah I wrote that, cuz I couldn’t find motivation to write anything and this time for once I was actually doing something so I didn’t wanna spend time writing useless stuff about a timesheet I already know for no one to fucking care because I’m barely average at this game… Wait hold on a damn minute) #90 (#47) Acquiesce started off the update strong with a PR on his Ace track, a 1:34.703 on rDH No-SC, Spear BKT taken from Cole ladies and gentlemen! Then, after some 1:13.011 on rPB (rip sub), 1:16.020 on MMM (sip rub), 1:09.245 on LC, he finished the year with a astonishing 35.522 on GV No-SC flap, probably trying to legally steal Hydr8ion’s money from the bounty he set up. He couldn’t do it tho cuz he got beaten by Luke. A real shame. #96 (N/A) Star Boi became a Star Man this update, getting a 3/3 signclip run on DKJP. He also worked on his KC, DDR, and MC glitch times. David Bowie would be proud. Specialists heard about them (Top 200) #101 (#105) Cederic will be a Top 100 player once he gets time to play, mark my words. I mean he’s like barely 2 AF away so it's pretty obvious but shhhh I’m still right. #104 (N/A) Franco only got 2 PRs, a 42.6 on WGM Glitch and a 2:08.4 on DKM, he only woke up from his MKW coma in late December tho so that explains it. I didn’t tell anyone, but I secretly waited for him to come back before writing the News so he didn’t miss any. Next up, I’m waiting until Totom comes back! #107 (#98) NITRO_FOX has been a man on a mission with the destination being the Top 100. He submitted an absolute crap ton of times to end the year, and has also submitted a few in January. These January times are the only non-December times on his timesheet. Very interesting. Congratulations on unlocking January mode. #109 (#92) Chloie how the hell do you beat 4 people with a 0.7 AF gain??? Hello??? #112 (#71) 2ndmatt still leaves me in disbelief as it’s now been more than 2 years that I see this name on the charts yet I cannot comprehend WHY did Bickbork choose this name lmao. Also it makes me think about Matt from Wii Sports whenever I read it so when I see Bickbork on Discord I just associate him to a chad. Yes it’s been like that for 2 years. #120 (#123) James Collins beat me on MH as did like 30% of the people I saw as beginners when I set my time. I should probably improve it… Anyway, the man was decently active as he got 9 PRs but he only cut .6 AF. Still good enough for 2 bops on the charts tho! #126 (#161) Carlo only got one PR so it’s gotta be a heavy hitting one, and it is as the italian got his 3rd WW top and 3rd CR with a 1:41.5 on MT Glitch. Boom. Unfortunate that Jayu left early cuz he would’ve said something funny in italian but since I can’t speak pasta I can’t make that type of joke. Porco Dio is all I can say. #135 (#91) Supreme has had a supreme end of 2023. Idek where to start with ur timesheet, but ur pretty cool. ur rMR time was really good #136 (#102) Mystogan became a nosc main. A lot of nosc times in the 100-200 placement range, well done m8 #141 (#111) Ben Hurley the idol of the people did the bare minimum to get in the News but it’s okay because it’s Ben fucking Hurley we’re talking about. He’s been chilling playing Zelda and Mario Wonder these past months because he has great taste and after that deserved break he’s now ready to roll on the track again. Best of luck bro! #142 (#112) Flooferdog floofed his floofy floof and floofed up a KC time in July to qualify for this update. o wait, u also did some red charts stuff. Unfortunately, I, Hydr8ion, do not take those into consideration when writing news sections. #143 (#99) Leon Bisschops literally copied Flooferdog, he had one PB in this 5 months and I still gotta write about him. Nice LC flap brother, got a nice 21. #151 (#113) Owen Smith timesheets his way onto the leaderboard! rYF might be your favorite, but plenty of other tracks are waiting for you to get great times on! #173 (#72) Fraterz overhauled over a �" of his timesheet, including like over half of his 3laps. 2:31 on rBC was one of them. #174 (N/A) Falco keeps duking it out with Yang. He set some strong times on TF and rPG. Please stop bing on rMC tho, I don’t need to see another Yang rMC video in my feed. #178 (N/A) Teonovi59 is back with some nice 3lap prs, most notable of which being his 1:49 on DDR. Pretty solid stuff, keep it up buttercup #181 (#154) Daniel W came out of an almost 16 month hibernation from his timesheet and pulls out 4 lap times, including a really nice top 70 MH flap. love to see it #188 (#141) Ben Brophy had a similar last four months of 2023 as his beloved Philadelphia Eagles. Started off strong in August only to slow things down later. Unfortunately, this message I wrote was proved wrong as Ben decided to use his abnormally long winter break to improve some times in rapid succession. I just have one question for you. Will you go for the 1:16. #191 (#197) Will Fury cut AF big time over the past mont- I mean trimest- I mean semester (fuck) as the man went from below Top 300 to well into Top 200 with a 128 AF cut. A 2^7 AF cut. A sqrt(16384) AF cut. A sqrt(2^14) AF c… Okay I get it enough with the math jokes. #194 (#153) Dylan Lepeirtz overhauled over half his timesheet in this news cycle. Bro got some nice times, 35.003 on CM is no joke. 2:28.5 is also like really impressive so yeah congrats #199 (#156) Ryan Lynch lynched some of his times and got some nice cuts. TF, DC 3lap, and rMR 3lap were all subject to his skills this cycle. #200 (#133) Spencer Sassak finally crosses the line of the Schultz and Hydr8ion AF war from 2020, dipping his toe in the top 200. His most notable improvements come on BC, where he hit a top 30 3lap and flap, finally hitting his goal of 2:10. He proves yet again that he is a true glitch kiddie. Bye Bye Jim Harbaugh At least their friend knows them (Top 300) #206 (#108) Pabloski has a cool name and some even cooler times. He got a 1:49 on TF (idk if its glitch or not but im not checking red charts at this ungodly hour - hydr8ion) a 1:09.3 on LC, and a 1:35.5 on RDH. The 1:09.3 on LC leads me to believe it’s a no glitch TF run, but im not sure #208 (#168) Silicosis continues his goals of removing the “ilic” out of his name and becoming Sosis. He set a ton of times through the past couple of months. Good for him. Only 188 spots to go! #212 (#103) Brian Lai more like brian slayyyyyyyyyyy amirite, BLCraft got a 1:09.5 on LC, nad a bunch of other really decent 3laps, come on tho, 2:19.4 on BC3, thats ranked 898 as of me writing this. u are better than this Mr. sLai #221 (N/A) Sam Fairless made RR glitch and improved his rSL glitch, and he got Wii Wheel European record on both 3laps. Pretty cool if you ask me #224 (N/A) Alex Bjorkman submitted a blue chart time for the first time since 2019. And what a way to make a comeback. Axe got a 1:18.3 on rMC3. Really solid stuff, glad to see you back! #225 (#166) ElecTrick got a handful of PRs to grab 10 spots with a 9.5 AF cut, good job Mr. Rainiosmile. Highlights are a 1:44.6/33.5 duo on MH (nice Legend D on the flap), a 2:04.1 on BC3 (beats me by a full second lmao) and a 2:23.4/46.7 duo on BC No-SC that’s his best ranked 3lap and 2nd best Flap, quite the show for quite the push. Top 200 is coming slowly but surely… #228 (#178) Jeroen Schepers improved his MG Glitch to a 46.4/13.5 in October, but also improved on Yoshi Falls Flap?? Now that’s a random category to PB in. He still got a decent time there with a 18.8 but all that wasn’t enough to prevent a .9 AF gain. #236 (N/A) Darien Bawpers only gets mentioned because he got 3rd Oceania on CM Glitch with a 33.3, nice job and thank you for giving me an easy time to write about you #238 (#146) Luca R only got one time as well (thank youuuuuu) and it’s also a banger (congraaaaaaaats) this time on KC No-Glitch with a 2:19.9. Hella impressive when you see the rest of your timesheet, congrats on the sub! #248 (#184) Zyxis I just noticed that name would be so OP in Scrabble it’s insane. The guy played BC3 Non-SC and rBC No-Glitch in September and finished with a 2:19.4 and a 2:33.7 respectively, along with the 2 mandatory flaps which are of the same level. All of his times are CR btw cuz he’s from North Macedonia (the Americans are balding just like their eagle). BC3 not being useful for Combined AF however, he ends up gaining 2.5 AF and losing 2 spots on the leaderboard. Sad. #251 (#167) Ragemodepigeon got a 1:43.8 on Raceway in August, dipped for the rest of the year, then surprised us with a big return in 2024 by setting 8 PRs on LC, DKS, BC Non-SC, rSL and rSGB in the span of a week. Brilliant start of the year right there. Much like his fellow updater ElecTrick he got his best for the News on BC with a 2:23.6/46.6 duo (your times are so similar lmao). I can also mention the 21.9 (nice sub) and the 25.5 (nice… non-sub) on LC and rSGB flaps getting onto Top 100. All of this made him barely fall short of Top 250, but with a month of January like his there’s no doubt he’ll get there by the next Update. Good luck lad! #270 (#195) Hockeylord900 isn’t from Canada but from the US?? With THIS name?? Oh well. He still timesheets and gets his first appearance in the News, enjoy the game! #271 (#158) Alex Friedman unloaded many times on August 31st, 2023. Did he set them all at once or were they set on one day? The world may never know. His accomplishments on this day will be honored with the dedication of National Vector Day for all future August 31sts. #279 (#226) Graden makes rSL glitch only to get a fucking 2:02 because he drowned twice on lap 3. Korben has found his successor. Next time, switch to magi, the glitch may be harder but at least you won’t be cursed! #292 (#185) Ivo Bril continues his journey to improve his timesheet in order of cups, and so this News cycle (I should rather say this August lol) the man improved his BC to a 2:23.270, it said .279 on his profile but then I checked the forum and it appears the parser tricked me and updated his time to be .009 slower and without the vid as well. I hate you parser. At least now it’s fixed lol. Anyway, he then tackled RR which doesn’t seem to fit him well, it’s his worst ranked time by a landslide (815th as I’m writing this) with a 2:37… We’ll see how he handles this obstacle when he comes back! #296 (#205) Woomy enters Top 300, AND GOT MG CANADA TOPS!!!! ROLL TIDE #297 (#245) Emil Lönquist has been on a long quest to improve his timesheet. Nice rYF time and nice entry in Top 300! #298 (#170) Anonymous idk who this is, but the anonymized name reminds me of the SMK players when Faizer was allowed on MKSC leaderboards, good times Who? (300+) #310 (#223) Ncsr. sounds like nascar. vroom vroom thats what he did on the racetrack, getting numerous pbs all over the mushroom kingdom. Out of the many times he submitted this period, every single on was either Hero or King standard. Very consistent. #335 (N/A) YangMK6 just made a bet with Falco that he'd beat all his times by 2033 so he went to work on some tracks. There’s a long way to go buttttt I think it can happen with the biggest will and dedication. GLHF on rWS tho lmao. #355 (#208) Pablo Hernangòmez you might have the most Hispanic name I have ever heard. I like it. #380 (#237) Greg Finke did some rYF stuff hittin a 59.140 and 18.493 on 3lap and flap. dont mess with texas #381 (#244) VNix. changed his discord pfp and was for a few weeks a completely different person, Flash McQueen the great Karter was no more, but now he’s back to normal again! I guess getting that Kart WR on DC with a 1:31.550 really made him say “I’m him”. He even beat the diddler, contributing in beating all of his KWRs. Truly a brave soldier. Ka-chow! #396 (#274) Leila FalB Massanova enters top 400 by getting a truckload of PRs in December, although the PR I’m gonna highlight is the Goldmine Glitch cuz it’s a 37.5 that’s her best ranked non-GV time, congrats! Top 400 isn’t the only thing FalB entered this News Cycle though as she’s now part of the mod team of the TT server, and needless to say she, alongside the other 2 people we hired, is doing a great job already. She also had a hard time understanding accents in french, but dw cause everyone does  #400 (N/A) Ryan Billingham comes back from the dead??? Because his last PR was in 2012??? And he comes back with a fucking 1:35.5 ON rDH NON-SC THAT MAKES SPEAR TOPS?????? i am losing it #405 (#252) Princessje11ybean got a 2:23.5 on BC3 Non-SC and a 1:33.1/16.2 on WGM Glitch in August then went back to being inactive. Okay I guess #410 (#236) Fireball Takes out the opponent’s King tower to join the battl- I mean the leaderboard, good luck on the charts! #411 (#232) Gus.. got some PRs worthy of his placement okay everything seems normal there’s that 1:33.3 on rMC that’s quite good and… 1:18.605 ON rMC3 WHAT okay I give up nothing makes sense in this game (go play DC or DKM please I beg you you’re great with Mach improve your timesheet) #414 (N/A) OrangeYoshi gets random times and then randomly I see a fucking 1:09.568 on LC how does this keep happening, and then I look closer and I see a fucking 2:28.8 ON RAINBOW ROAD I guess you learned Kart for this if so gj but how do y’all lower-ranked people do to get such times it’s ridiculous! #416 (#268) Chansey is still the tankiest memer on the public TT server and by a landslide. When are you gonna evolve tho, like it’s been 84 years and you’re still holding onto that eviolite set? I’m waiting for the glow up!! #480 (N/A) Jacob Desmond-Hooper must’ve gotta a new Wii as an early christmas gift because dude went ham in mid-late december, desmond hooper will be a december name remembered for the ages #514 (N/A) Russell Horwood comes back again after a full year to bring us a PR on… rDH flap. Apparently he made the glitch as well cuz his No-SC PR is slower, even though he’s not even in the Top 500, so congrats I guess?????? #531 (#287) Ashley Taylor swifts on the charts with 3 PRs and a 10 AF cut, nice pun from me tbh I’m proud of this one (hydr8ion commentary: nice one whoever wrote this joke, now i cant wait for the mk diehards to say there is too much taylor swift in this news update) #546 (#289) Cole Gate is probably an alternate universe version of Cole Gilbert that landed in our reality for some reason. He even got a time on RR this News Cycle, one of Gilbert’s best times, do you really think it is a coincidence??? Anyway, remember to brush your teeth before going to bed! #569 (#309) Mattinatorr O Canada! Our home and native land! True patriot love in all of us command. With glowing hearts we see thee rise, The True North strong and free! From far and wide, O Canada, we stand on guard for thee. God keep our land glorious and free! O Canada, we stand on guard for thee. O Canada, we stand on guard for thee. #578 (#) Leo Perna finishes his timesheet and thus gets his placement, welcome to the charts! #614 (#321) Charles Schrader this name lowkey sounds familiar but i have no clue from where it would be from, hes from Michigan tho so i automatically hate him. Please assert that Michigan’s national championship should be revoked because of the sign stealing or face a one news update suspension (so like a 6 month suspension) #618 (#312) Tony Rolens timesheet (hydr8ion speaking, i thought the days of “timesheet” posts were gone…, unfortunate.) (Arthur replying, this is supposed to be a placeholder lmao) #635 (#323) Phenom set a time on Peach Gardens that has the standard “Int D.” That reminded me of Initial D - Running in the ‘90s. That is now stuck in my head. (update: i did some research, apparently that is an anime, i just knew the song from the meme, i promise im not a weeb aaron) #638 (N/A) Robert Mc Kinnon why is he on here, he didnt set a single time in this cycle. nice mksc tas #646 (#327) MashingSapphic idk what ur name means but i like it; she submitted a ton of times throughout November and one in January, mostly in the Apprentice standard. Very nice work, excited to see where you go with the game! #663 (#331) Jack Sahaida submitted some times in August and December, but one of his times is ranked 690th, so im gonna bring that one up. #685 (#343) Lowercase got an emote named after himself in the TT server because I felt like it and is now in my mod team, yay (hydr8ion speaking, Arthur this is really all u wrote, ur so lazy, why does the news update take so long) (Arthur responding, this was supposed to be a start for his part because I thought of it while setting up the leaderboard lmao, I bet you found it funny too so I’m keeping it) #724 (#367) Justin JJ Morris literally has one of the coolest names i’ve ever seen. JJJM are nice initials, reminds me of JMM. Potential future Portuguese glitch kiddie rising the ranks? Maybe not, as I don’t believe Indiana is in the USA. oh yeah, mario kart wii, nice times #725 (#378) Liam Barr is the better Liam. Liam Ashcroft could never. #740 (#382) Dillon Karst timesheets his way onto the leaderboard, have a nice time karting with us! #767 (#405) John McArdle of the UK finishes his timesheet and also finishes the leaderboard for this update, welcome to the charts! FINALLY. Only a couple more things and this update is DONE. Procrastination never serves you right Karters, if you need to remember one thing from this shitload of words that’s this sentence right there. Delaying the update only gave me more work to do, and more stress and anxiety thinking about this update to the point where I sometimes doubted my ability to take care of it. Turns out I've finished it, and I couldn't be happier. I’m deeply sorry to all of you that expected and anticipated this News, this should be a monthly update and never should it remain silent for over 6 months like it just did. I sincerely hope you enjoyed this one, hopefully the next one arrives shortly after… Take care everyone. I love all of you who are keeping this game and this site alive and well. I hope it never dies. See you on the race track my friends ^^ Take a closer look at this month’s Site Records: Luke Brown beat the old Luigi Circuit lap time of 0'21"682 with a time of: 0'21"590 Jay Rangthale beat the old Moo Moo Meadows crs time of 1'15"321 with a time of: 1'15"273 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old Toad's Factory crs time of 1'44"308 with a time of: 1'44"178 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old Toad's Factory lap time of 0'31"770 with a time of: 0'31"592 Keita beat the old Mario Circuit crs time of 0'47"583 with a time of: 0'46"553 Shane Hogan beat the old Coconut Mall lap time of 0'04"122 with a time of: 0'04"120 Blake Germany beat the old DK's Snowboard Cross lap time of 0'33"758 with a time of: 0'33"741 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old Daisy Circuit crs time of 1'28"424 with a time of: 1'28"372 Lawrence beat the old Koopa Cape lap time of 0'15"932 with a time of: 0'15"854 Carter Clem beat the old Maple Treeway lap time of 0'23"692 with a time of: 0'23"608 JAYOO beat the old Grumble Volcano lap time of 0'02"872 with a time of: 0'02"785 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old Dry Dry Ruins lap time of 0'32"492 with a time of: 0'32"491 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old Moonview Highway crs time of 1'42"987 with a time of: 1'42"872 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old Moonview Highway lap time of 0'33"000 with a time of: 0'32"991 Alex Shoal beat the old Bowser's Castle lap time of 0'41"885 with a time of: 0'41"722 Vincent Nguyen beat the old Rainbow Road lap time of 0'14"711 with a time of: 0'14"675 Justin Hitchcock beat the old DS Desert Hills crs time of 1'30"990 with a time of: 1'30"603 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old GCN Mario Circuit crs time of 1'30"224 with a time of: 1'29"945 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old GCN Mario Circuit lap time of 0'27"191 with a time of: 0'27"105 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old N64 Bowser's Castle crs time of 2'20"584 with a time of: 2'17"997 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old N64 Bowser's Castle lap time of 0'32"459 with a time of: 0'29"752 No-Glitch: LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old Toad’s Factory crs time of 1’49”074 with a time of 1’49”039 Jack Gluesing beat the old Toad’s Factory lap time of 34”819 with a time of 34”806 Vincent Braixen beat the old Coconut Mall crs time of 1’55”412 with a time of 1’55”264 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old Koopa Cape lap time of 43”726 with a time of 43”678 Luke Brown beat the old Grumble Volcano lap time of 35”530 with a time of 35”486 Fraterz beat the old Bowser’s Castle lap time of 45”903 with a time of 45”760 Luke Brown beat the old GBA Bowser Castle 3 crs time of 2’16”222 with a time of 2’16”183 2ndmatt beat the old GCN Mario Circuit lap time of 28”451 with a time of 28”324 Luke Brown beat the old N64 Bowser’s Castle crs time of 2’30”582 with a time of 2’30”573 PLAYER AWARDS: Oh boy here we go playing catch up again Player of the Week: - May 1 : Nobody - May 2: Arthur'Oww happy birthday me I'm officially a french adult (we don't have the stats for May and literally nothing happened sorry to improvise) - May 3: Nobody - May 4: Lawrence for 2 WRs on KC Glitch - June 1 : Darien Bawpers for getting up to 3rd Oceania on CM Glitch with a 33.3, beating Mitch in the process - June 2: Nara Hiero for getting a new WR on MG Glitch, beating Justin's 1000+ days old WR with a 3.771 (.116 cut) - June 3: Danny Boy for getting his maiden WR on RR with the first ever 2/3 glitch run - June 4: Keita for cutting more than .6 off of his own MC Glitch WR to a 46.553 - July 1 : JAYOO for his pretty rDH times in both Combined and No-SC - July 2: Hydr8ion for making a 12 minute video on how he pranked Bickbork by deleting his 1:30 on rMC - July 3: Ultra_Pear for getting an amazing 3rd WW placement on rSGB Glitch, his best-ever placement - July 4: Luke Brown for getting the 1st Flame Runner WR on LC Flap using the ramp - August 1 : Arthur'Oww for not dying of an unknown disease (unlike the stats page during this week, hence why the award) and actually getting a decent placement at his local Smash Bros tournament - August 2: Ryan Lynch for breaking into Top 200 - August 3: LOGAN KEBABBY for saving the month with the only 3lap WR on TF No-SC and for getting 3 Flap WRs on 3 different categories on the same day - August 4: Carter Clem for getting his 2nd Flap WR ever, improving on MT Glitch - September 1 : Arthur'Oww (for real this time) for getting from a 59.997 to a 59.466 on rYF, from one of his worst times and tracks to one of his best - September 2: Arvo Koskikallio for a cool 1:48.9 on DKSC, he was balling that week - September 3: Fraterz for getting his maiden Flap WR on BC Non-SC, smashing Justin's time by .143 to get a 45.760 - September 4: LOGAN KEBABBY for breaking the 1:30 barrier on rMC Glitch with a 1:29.945 - October 1 : Danny Boy for getting his 2nd-ever WR, on rBC Glitch - October 2: Falco for getting his first Flap WR on his Ace track rWS with a 35.132 while beating Justin's 1000+ days old time - October 3: Shane Hogan for getting 2 WRs on CM Glitch... And cutting 2 milliseconds with those 2 records - October 4: LOGAN KEBABBY for his 1:42.8 on MH - November 1: Spencer Sassak for getting Top 200 in Unrestricted - November 2: Arvo Koskikallio for overtaking Jack Gluesing to reclaim his #3 placement (if Jack G has one fan, it's him) - November 3: VNix. for getting his 2nd Kart WR, on DC, being a multi-KWR holder for the first time - November 4: Nara Hiero for reaching Top 50 of the first time with a good set of PRs - December 1: JAYOO for gaming on the GV rock (he got 3 Flap WRs) - December 2: Vincent Braixen for carrying the WR scene with a 5 PR streak on CM No-Glitch from a 1:55.360 to a 1:55.264 - December 3: Aaron_W for the stormblitz google doc - December 4: Owen Smith for getting his long-awaited WW Top on rYF and giving us the biggest popoff of the year alongside it - January 1: Arvo Koskikallio for accomplishing his destiny and breaking the unbreakable tie between him and Wiilord95 on MC No-Glitch (this historical era will never be forgotten) - January 2: Alex Shoal for pioneering in 2024 and getting Flap WR on BC Shortcut using the Spear and the new ending shortcut - January 3: Blake Germany for commenting Logan's run at AGDQ 2024 (ZCubed isn't on the site to also claim this award sadly) - January 4: Arthur'Oww for doing a 6.5 hours long stream to write the News Update, as his first ever stream (Jayu said it was the best stream to put as a background) Player of the Month: - May: Will Marable for his AF cuts, we don't have the numbers because this is written in January and the stats page has archived them sorry - June: 2ndmatt for winning the Master's Tour (he beat Nota 5-0 in the final cuz he didn't submit anything) - July: JAYOO for great AF cuts and great Non-SC times, proving that the lad could actually drive, that put him in Top 50 Unrestricted - August: Exploder for a PR streak that granted him a Top 50 placement and a 10 AF cut - September: Will Fury for his AF cuts (this is becoming redundant) jumping from #245 to #199 with a 41 AF cut - October: Mitchell Healy for getting up to the Top 10 in the Combined AF charts - November: YangMK6 for betting with Falco and thus embarking in a 10-year long journey to beat him on 32/32 tracks (bro really wants his money) - December: NITROFOX setting PRs left and right and climbing the charts like crazy (from #182 to #119 with 28 PRs and a 72 AF cut) - January: Jyran Liebs for being on a roll with PRs and breaking into Top 50 Combined Player of the Quarter: - 2nd Quarter (April-June): LOGAN KEBABBY for being the undisputed World #1, in a trimester where many players shined briefly he was the one to remain at the top at all times. He set WRs every month. - 3rd Quarter (July-September): Mitchell Healy for climbing the ranks at light speed to establish himself among the best players in the world and the undisputed best of his continent - 4th Quarter (October-December): Arvo Koskikallio for getting more PRs than ever, cutting AF even though he's #3 in the world, and anchor himself even more in the MKW hall of fame MEMES OF THE “MONTH”: That's right since we left you with no meme of the month for so long you get 2 memes of the month how cool is that   - Arthur’Oww, yours truly, helped graciously by his fellow coworkers in Ben Hurley, Jayu and Hydr8ion. |
Read this sentence to die instantly you stupid moronArvo @ Saturday, July 15th 06:23PM [link] |
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| Hello. Did you miss me? It is once again time to spend once of my fleeting vacation days roasting the entire community, further wasting my limited time on this earth. First of all I would like to say that I have not read a single news update this past year because everyone writes fucking boring news except me. I am far more creative, witty, funny than all of you, and still so humble and down to earth with no ego problems what so ever. To restrain my urge to type multiple racial slurs in a row into this part of the news update I think it's best to just list off the old boring WR stuff before my ghost uploading privileges gets taken away by the MKW new world order (spoiler: the jews control CTGP) Kasey improved his rPG by a tiny bit but we all know that it would still be a spear track if it wasn't for nintendo's hatred of automatic and knowingly creating stupid chain chomp cycles, not a real WR in my book Logan got 3 WRs. Very impressive since he said he would quit 3 years ago to pursue a college degree. Very peculiar indeed! Some random child using the wii wheel got WGM glitch wr Luke (Most washed up player in MKW history) used a new strat that saves .150 a lap to barely get a WR on BC3 that lasted like 3 weeks lololol Vincent N was grinding the new RR glitch until Neptune (yes I am deadnaming him, his new name is stupid) got a 2/3 run. He will truly go down in MKW WR history as a revolutionary player as the likes of Konata, 4vex and Arvo. (Randoms who fluked a WR and nobody will know who they are in 5 years) Sosis got a few MMM wrs to make ZeldaCubed cry (he will never get a WR) kei pushed MC so far that Logan will never get that WR again, respect Braixen's paranoia of not having the CM glitch WR took over him and he just had to get another one. Bro like nobody else has even tried the new thing you don't have to stress so much Oh yeah and Lawrence got KC glitch WR but everyone knows that glitch doesn't count Kierio04 uploaded a stupid youtube short that contained false information There is a player on the site called "FEET TOES". I just want everyone to let that sink in for a moment. Ok yeah that was pretty boring but give me a break I'm old and out of touch and these news updates can't write themselves (actually we did some tests with ChatGPT and I think they probably can write themselves soon) Let me do some of these sections that the new kids added Anniversaries July 15 1799 - The Rosetta Stone is found in the Egyptian village of Rosetta by French Captain Pierre-François Bouchard during Napoleon's Egyptian Campaign. July 15 1941 - Nazi Germany begins the deportation of 100,000 Jews from the occupied Netherlands to extermination camps. July 15 1983 - Nintendo released the Famicom in Japan. July 15 2006 - Twitter, later one of the largest social media platforms in the world, is launched. The end of the world is put into motion. July 15 2012 - South Korean rapper Psy releases his hit single Gangnam Style. COUNTRY OF THE MONTH: Russia because you know we all love Russia! Woo!!! Congratulations Russia!!! TRACK OF THE MONTH: rWS because I went on random.org and had it choose the track of the month and it chose rWS QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “MKW is the lowest skill to acknowledgement ratio of any speedgame I've ever seen” ZeldaCubed, June 25th, 2023 ANCIENT QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “Some days had been rough for me last year and something that really put a smile on my face was watching CP videos at night.” SpicyDorito08, March 16th 2021 BIBLE QUOTE OF THE MONTH: "Permit no woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she is to keep silent." 1 Timothy 2:12 This news update covers from 1 May 2023 to 15 July 2023 New Players: Razz. (i recognize this name from mogi lounge so safe to assume he's a virgin) Rey00 (only played 2 tracks apparently) Cqrt3r (i have no comment about this username choice) Gus.. (Mf wanted to be called Gus so bad he used 2 DOTS FOR THE 5 CHAR LIMIT) Liam Barr (The new Paul Allain) Top 10 #4 Arvo Koskikallio Yeah you know we at the top!!!! I played some rSL thanks to inspiration from Aura. He might have outmatched me but we're both on regs now so I am happy. Then did some GV glitch and got a time, DKS flap also and got WW tops after about 73 hours of attempts, 3lap coming soon (not soon at all) #3 Jack Gluesing He might be ahead of me on the AF charts but this is my news update and I choose who's on the top!!!! He played like a million things and completely destroyed my podium position. Some of the highlights were making the RR glitch and falling off afterwards Korben style. Also got a 1:58.3 BC3 sc which is just fucking nuts what the hell. I could go on for so long with the praise but I will just say that you're a god damn monster at this game, may the rate of your progress be everlasting. Check again next year and I will put you ahead of me in the next news update I write, that's a promise #5 Vincent Braixen Yeah he got that cm thing #6 Vincent Nguyen is a better man than me for 1:15 MMM, also the previously mentioned RR glitch and also 1:58.5 BC3 how is everyone so good at BC3 all of a sudden also 2:27 RR, I wonder if thats with the Twinkle Star idk cba to check. Then he also made rWS glitch. I need to move on to someone else because I'm getting too jealous at godlike abilities on categories I am god awful at 11-25 #16 Indy Kambeitz is like, getting some times including a 1:50.6 on rWS. weexy #17 Mitchell Healy got a 1:49.827 on rWS glitch. Everybody laugh. #18 Jay Rangthale yeah the MMM stuff you know it already #19 Eclipse let's look at the definition of Fatality's fancy new name! Eclipse: A falling into obscurity or decline, also: the state of being eclipsed. "His reputation has fallen into eclipse." yeah sounds about right he didn't really get anything that good #20 Doge. TF 1:49 quite tasty, other times weren't tasty enough to note down #23 Dane Allen TF 1:49 aswell!!! But unfortunately runs into the same issue as Doge. #25 Jake Harrison got a 1:48.2 and was so embarrassed that the vid of it is unlisted. You need to work on your confidence buddy 25-50 #26 Ross Coleman bruh what year is it, this dinosaur still plays? Yeah he's washed as hell what are these random times #29 Kevin Miller had to suffer the terrible fate of receiving messages from lowercaseletters just so he can relay them onto me (still not sure why) MKW-wise he got nice subs on RR and rSL flap. Congratulations! #30 Luke Brown other than the previously mentioned he got a 1:09.287 on LC with the bowser bike. Jokes aside that's absolutely fucking nuts #36 Ryley Carroll dude literally drove a 1:49.2 on TF glitch 3 days ago to get a news update mention. He couldn't play for months due to unbelievable grief from Sanna Marin losing the Finnish prime minister title so it's fair, hope you're coping. #40 Jacob Fitzgibbon played some cheeky LC but mostly spent the months looking up obscure sports facts #43 Neptune got RR 2/3 of course, also he got rWS 1:50.7, LC 1:09.5 and TF 1:50.9. I made those last 3 up, sorry about that #44 Lawrence got a run on RR glitch (wow what a surprise) and CM glitch and KC glitch and TF glitch flap. Wait wtf he also got 1:15 on MMM. So he can play something else than glitches i am shocked 51-100 #53 JAYOO, the proud holder of the fastest lap in MKW history got MC 50.3 (wow!) and CM 33.2 (wow!) and GV2 glitch 52.4 (fuck you) and rDH 1:33.9 (just kidding) and 2:00 rPG (also kidding) #54 JMM435 got a 1:57.7 on CM. Knowing JMM i am sure he did infi tricks in this run #55 Exploder got PR's on like 90% of the tracks there aint no way in hell im going throuh allat #58 Claus got a 2:05 on MT in the year of our lord 2023. Dude you gotta get with the times and get on that 2/3 game (inb4 that is a 2/3 run) #60 Alex Shoal made his annual return to prove to everyone and he's still got it and the arthritis has not completely destroyed his frail joins yet. He got WW tops on rSL. You can just tell from his timesheet that he is 40 years old since he still doesn't have a BC3 no sc time over a decade after it became a recognized category #72 Nara Hiero did what #72 Nara Hiero does best, randomly getting a WR on a sub-5 second flap category. This time it was on MG. You can tell tiktok has ruined his attention span just by looking at his top times, man can't concentrate on driving for more than 5 seconds. He also got a time on WGM glitch flap but that is a whopping 9 seconds long so it was only ww tops. #78 Nathan Socholotiuk had himself a sub session, getting 1:51 rWS, 2:13 BC glitch, 2:22 BC ng and TF 1:50. If you can't sub what's even the point of playing anything. #80 Mo No finally got his 1:49 TF, skipping .9 altogether. Divine justice for him. #90 Idriz is one of the players of all time. His nearly 450-year old comeback after getting 1:17.5 on MMM back in 1547 is completely out of this world. Getting a 2:06.5 rDS in 1994 really put him on the map, but the fact he is still getting times nearly 5 centuries after getting into MKW is something else. #100 Acquiesce is one of the great artists of the game. His tormented soul weeps for recognition that often slips through his fingers. This time his sorrow-filled driving lead to a 1:21.960 on MC and a 59.194 on rYF. I sympathise with you my brother-in-arms, for this game is a mere repressed memory within your deepest desires. The players that are starting to get hard to write about #103 Franco cheeky old 2:12.5 bc and 2:30 rr #106 Cederic rank 69 on rSL glitch haha #124 Jadid got 2 times that don't make the top 150. Literally what do you want me to say #126 James Collins ok shit there's a ton of vids I can say something funny here! OK his TF 1:52.0 description says he really likes the bgm he used but he didn't like enough to say what song it was. Thanks. Also there is an error message at the end of the video that I've never seen before. Thank you ObeisantBug 3808 (fuckin Cicada 3301 ass username) #138 Flooferdog 1:16.7 MMM. First sub? Don't know. Leave a video response telling us if it is. #154 Mystogan oshit 1:50 WGM that's pretty dope also 1:16.911 on MMM never forget #164 Supreme prince viktor #172 Kenny M got 1:50.944 #181 Evil Tyler Blevins GOT THE BIGGEST AF CUT! HOLY SHIT! LETS GO EVILNINJA! YOU ARE WINNER! #183 Kenneth Bernales omg yes this is the guy who has never glitched in his entire life except that one time on GV and even then he didn't get a flap, only 3lap. Yeah he got DDR 1:51.6 thats amazing #187 Teovoni69 1:44 mh and other selected times of june 2023 #193 Fraterz you know what these times aren't even bad I cant even hate on you. still aint mentioning them tho #195 Falco 2:18.7 KC holy fuck a highly ranked time #197 Troy Howard didn't do anything but I love rhodechill so much that I have to include him The players that I truly can't say anything about so I'm just on autopilot #201 Ryan Lynch got 1:59 CM. Probably had it before. Don't know. #203 Ben Brophy plays americ anfootball and got 2:18.7 thats pretty ok like i think #205 Shawn Berry 2:04.6 rSL and 1:49.2 rWS. I love you Shawn, even if you are from Ohio. #214 Xenophobia got a random ass DKJP flap 2 days after the last news update, I permit you to set another time now. #216 Sam Fairless wtf kinda boomer names do I see this news update. Oh yeah the new RR glitch, ofc he made that #217 Jeff Z has some of the best stream titles ive ever seen but he is not that good at LC, only 1:09.8. gotta be faster than that, superior bozo #219 Spencer Sassak this dude really made a vid for a 2:06.8 rDS but not 2:11.2 BCWii glitch #231 Brian Lai oh yeah BLCRAFT the WGM guy, he got 1:51.1 on WGM. #235 ElecTrick's profile picture may be permanently burned into my retinas but I've already forgot the times he got and I haven't even checked them yet #253 Silicosis, Silly Sosis. Willy Moses, Billy Doses. Yeah he got sub 2 on dkjp glitch can you tell that I have 0 will to keep on writing this news update yet #259 Ragemodepigeon omg i love ragemodepigeon he got 34 on CM glitch thats actually pretty good gogo Finding #278 Neemo's times: he got times many times #279 Dylan Lepeirtz ALRIGHT HOLD THE PHONE. 1:10.2 ON LC. THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE. #287 Graden haha 17.069 gv2 flap #293 Ivo Bril dude got a 1:45.1 on MH and wrote a description that was so long that it had to be continued in not 1, but 2 comments. I can't even knock that, that is the most alpha thing I've ever seen #299 Anonymous is doing a good job staying anonymous by finishing a timesheet of times that do not stick out what so ever #302 Woomy why is his new DKS flap like miles better than all his other times other than the 1:22.1 MC that he also got and definitely does ramp 3/3 #308 Emil Lönquist lives in sweden and because of that I am tempted to leave him out of this news update but he did get 59 on rYF so I'll give him a break ok hello I'm back I took an 8 hour break from writing because it was boring it is now 3 am and i will finish it #310 Will Fury man got 1:10.001 on LC massive rip bozo #330 Ncsr. didn't get anything of note #379 Greg Finke omg there is a commentary of his new 59.2 rYF i need to watch this, man you gotta hop earlier into the last boost panel, very nasty momentum loss there, good shit tho #1 LOGAN KEBABBY he got some times or something idk #402 .VNix RR main but no new RR times, nothing special #410 Gus.. finished his timesheet. cool beans gustavo #411 Leila FalB Massanova got a DKM pb peggio della maralia, sta run è ingurdabile! #430 Chansey got 1:20 on MC glitch #556 Ruben Cauchon got a 2:19 on DKJP and the video has an overlay with his MK64 DKJP time, true alpha hours #587 Mattinatorr set some crazy times in May and BOOOOOM July comeback with a 1:24.7 on MC what a hero #626 Charles Schrader even got a run in the top 400!!! (bc3 flap) #636 Phenom also got a top 400 bc3 flap but not as good. #661 Maya Taylor WITH AN INCREDIBLE #373 BC3 FLAP #681 Lowercase #723 Flora Novia just barely missed out on top 1000 on DC #734 Liam Barr has a god time on his timesheet. Better than Liam Ashcroft Site Records: Jay Rangthale beat the old Moo Moo Meadows crs time of 1'15"375 with a time of: 1'15"321 Nara Hiero beat the old Mushroom Gorge lap time of 0'03"887 with a time of: 0'03"771 Vincent Braixen beat the old Coconut Mall crs time of 0'26"106 with a time of: 0'25"145 Lawrence beat the old Koopa Cape crs time of 1'56"276 with a time of: 1'55"250 Lawrence beat the old Koopa Cape lap time of 0'16"262 with a time of: 0'15"932 Neptune beat the old Rainbow Road crs time of 1'56"554 with a time of: 1'24"751 Neptune beat the old Rainbow Road lap time of 0'14"976 with a time of: 0'14"711 No Glitch: LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old GBA Bowser Castle 3 no glitch time of 2'16"366 with a time of: 2'16"222 So yeah even though this site is basically dead and the world is crumbling, there is still some laughs to be had. Remember to rate this news update 5 stars, especially for how informative it was about letting the reader know about all the times that were hit. See you next year if I'm still alive with a news update even more lazily written than this one (if you can believe it) Meme of the month: - Arvo |
A Month for the Old HeadsUltra_Pear @ Monday, May 15th 04:30PM [link] |
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| Posted by Ultra_Pear, written by Ben H. All praise, complaints, and lawsuits must be directed in the direction of Ben H, Ultra_Pear has done nothing to prove he is worthy of your praise, complaints, or lawsuits in this news update. (This paragraph was written by Ben Hurley gang) Sup dickheads and dickfeet (or whatever tf Arthur calls y’all), it’s everyone’s favorite Ben (the Hurley kind, not the Brophy kind), and I’ll be taking care of this here news update. A lot happened this month in terms of the time trial scene. We’ve seen a three-peat of months this year with 13+ records each, something that hasn’t been done since 2012. However, I’d like to start off this news by dedicating it to two special players that have been at the top of their games for a long time, two we call “Legend”, Nick Meade and Caleb House. Nick achieved a goal everyone in the community has been rooting for him to get for ten years, the legendary 2:30 on rBC no glitch. He announced his achievement in a twitter post where he said “I am gonna drink water so mf hard rn.” followed by a lone screenshot of Funky Kong on lap 4, and a time that read “2:30.998”. For the last several years, Nick has cheered for us on our time trial journey’s, picking us up when we fell down, and being one of the most positive people this community will ever see, even though he has only seen a handful of pbs on his own. This time, Nick, we, the time trial community, cheered for you, and we are so proud of you for your perseverance, and for setting an example that no matter how long you’ve played the game, old dogs can still do tricks that they could’ve done 10 years ago if they had just not quit the game. That’s how the saying goes, right? And of course, our friend RAF Guy, aka Caleb House, announced his retirement after dominating the game for nearly a decade. Two years ago, in April of 2021, Caleb destroyed Mario Circuit no glitch with a time of 1:20.357, which absolutely shook the community. It inspired me to get a 1:22 that day, which took me approximately 3 hours because I was refusing to just simply do 1-0-2 to avoid the chain chomp lap 3 (I eventually caved). He also set potentially the final sub 1:00 time this game will ever see (come on RR…) on rPB last September. I’d love to go through all of the history Caleb set, but we’d be here till the day he pulls the “I’m back.” card out. This past month, he decided he wanted to spend more time with God, among other things (even though he's literally right next to you when you’re playing), and call it a career. Caleb, you’ve reminded us that we all grow out of mario kart eventually, no matter how good we are, and we wish you the best of luck in your life journey. And now onto the shit you expected The master’s tour (Arthur bang ding ‘Oww’s discord competition) will not be covered, as I do not give a single flying or walking fuck as to what happens. I will say that Shane dropped out (he’d rather play minecraft, what a fucking weirdo) which led to Bickbork getting a spot in the finals. I don’t wish luck to anyone in this competition. Project Sanbo has continued to run and they are still having problems… it’s almost as if the channel just came out. This is something I do care about, and I encourage all time trailers to give online TT lounge a shot, it’s such a fun gamemode that deserves so much more activity than it gets. The more activity we see, the better the experience will be made for everyone. I didn’t get to play as much last month, but activity is on the rise, and if OTT can keep an active community I think the amount of OTT competitions and prizes for winning those competitions will only become more frequent, and bigger. Please, Troy, do ONE online TT knockout, bring Nick along, give us the publicity we deserve. Also two brand new ultras were discovered, more on that later. Now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for, the World Records. Sponsored by your mother. (yes, you, the person reading this, your mother sponsored my news update, go ask her she’ll tell you yes) We start our journey through the month of April with activity on Rainbow Road (Glitch). Nara set his first world record with a time of 1:56.681, a record by 0.009. Massively well deserved but, Nara, dude, it’s a glitch not called GV or CM, maybe next time don’t fuck up the halfpipe and squeeze some more juice out. Gotta give credit where credit is due, a record is a record, Nara, and no one can take that away from you…except Exploder who got a 1:56.554 (-0.127) a week later. Gotta wonder when he’ll just say “fuck it” and “explode” for a 2/3. I’d rather have Nara or Justin get it tho bc the Europeans don’t deserve to have that on us. Congrats to both of you, especially Nara on that first record, and good luck on future improvements. Moving on, Logan has continued striving for white supremacy over the WR scene by knocking off a (Luke) Brown person on Koopa Cape no-sc, by 0.043, with a time of 2:17.176. Logan decided after a mogi event or some shit that he wanted to get a PB on the category and of course, in typical Logan fashion, he pulled a record out of his ass. I think he may have put 30 minutes into the track before this session because I literally can’t remember another day of him playing the category. Good luck on the 2:16 Logan, Luke, Jongwoo, and/or anyone else who grinds for it. Will we see a 2:15 in the distant future? LOGAN LOST A WR EVERYONE CELEBRATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!1! Everyone’s favorite Austrian, Alperen (some call him Peter) got WR on MG no-sc by 0.078, with a time of 1:40.502. The funniest thing about this is that when I first joined the community Blaze’s 1:41.256 was seen as one of the strongest WRs in the game, and now three years later it’s been beaten by over .7 because of hopless gap, and now the new boost panel strat after the second mushroom section. Alperen will probably go back to TF no-sc (he thinks there’s two tracks in the game) so good luck to you there, but also good luck to you and anyone else looking to take this time down, it’s crazy that we might be seeing low 1:40s in the future. I was really looking forward to talking about this one. WGM glitch is next up on our list, which means it’s time to talk about another old head that triumphed this month…what’s that? oh, yeah, RAY GOT HIS FIRST WORLD RECORD FIRST OMG WE’RE SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!!! With a time of 31.755, by one millisecond, by the cock of his balls he got it. Who doesn’t love the occasional W3R that is also the actual record? The wii wheel proves once again that while it may be inferior, it is still inferior, because Poyo beat him anyways, with a time of 31.725 (-0.030). Poyo, as most of the community knows by now, was the first player to ever make 3/3 pipe bounces, way back in March 2009. He returned for not one, not two, but for THREE new records on WGM last year before being beaten by Logan in March. Poyo joins the list of older players that took big steps last month, but I have a feeling he won’t be the last one I talk about… Our next record brings the heat (it’s desert hills, I had to make the joke I’m sorry y’all have no idea how hard I’m laughing rn). We saw two improvements on rDH no-sc, both by Sosis. Sosis achieved a time of 1:34.368 (-0.013) where he got two lucky cuts, but that isn’t enough, he wanted three. Ten days later, Sosis blew everyone’s mind, with a 3/3 wheelie cut run, and a time of 1:34.237, a massive cut of 0.131. Absolutely insane to see a run with three lucky's, Sosis deserves this one. 1:33 is most certainly doable, but is that something Sosis is willing to push for? What about Braixen? It will be interesting, good luck to anyone willing to grind for that goal, but a 3/3 lucky cut is a huge achievement regardless. I’ve had enough of the heat, let’s go back to Koopa Cape. This time for the glitch, I wanna go skinny dipping. Kei beat Lawrence with a time of 1:56.276, a cut of 0.195. How tf is this the largest cut I’ve talked about? I wanna see some juice squeezed out in May. Massive congrats to Kei, this looks like torture to play as it is. This has been another one that’s been fun to watch go down. From Logan WR farming last summer to Justin shutting him up with the new glitch strat, to Lawrence and Kei battling it out doing the glitch on lap 2. Congrats Kei! Gotta wonder how realistic a 2/3 here could be as well…good luck Kei and Lawrence, things might get interesting soon, if they aren’t already. Oh fuck, the desert again. Logan finally gets the time he’s somewhat satisfied with on DDR, beating Justin, who is probably theorizing an ultra shortcut on rMC3. Logan got a 1:46.748 (-0.093) first, but that lasted just over a week, before he completely destroyed the category. Logan went on to skip 1:46.6, .5, and almost .4, with a time of 1:46.400. What. a. run. One of the most tech heavy tracks in the game finally gets it’s big record, this is one that could last for a bit if Logan or Justin don’t pick it up again. They both agree that a 1:45 will be done humanly at some point, but it will likely take new strats. Is it time to start going inside the tree on the ultra? Or will we be doing the ultra with two shrooms? Only time will tell. We can only follow up one legendary run with another. Braixen has done it once again this time on CM glitch, but this time, things look a little different. On APRIL FOOLS DAY OF ALL DAYS, tasser Epik95 showed a new, faster entry, only problem is that the entry is pregnant with QM, RNG, and holy shit Braixen made it two weeks later. Not without trial and error of course, he said he put in over 20k attempts. Braixen spent two weeks locked in his room, playing this category. Legend has it that he never slept, and he was so tired one night that he actually went into Coconut mall and bought food, only to find out that their ice cream machine was broken. Luckily it paid off for the mad man with a massive cut, a historical record, and a time of 26.106 (-5.205). Braixen said he lost at least a second on the landing alone, so this can still go down by quite a bit, but I don’t feel like anyone will be playing coconut mall like THIS anytime soon. Congrats on once again revolutionizing this category, Braixen, and whenever you want to go for more you will still probably have the record so you can relax now. We aren’t finished yet, though. We saw one last legend come back, and it’s one everyone in the community loves. GV glitch watched Niyake prove once again that he doesn’t care that Jyran is still a child, that is his rock, and Jyran needs to go play with something else. Niyake drove around the GV rock in 15.425 seconds, a record by 0.072. Records on this track get more impressive every time I see them. I thought Niyake was joking in February 2021 when he said he was going for a 14 second time, but now even that doesn’t look impossible. Jyran and Niyake are both fantastic players at the tops of their game, and could go get an inhuman time if they wanted. That being said, I’m not sure how much motivation either player has to play the track rn (there are literally 31 other tracks) but of course, we here at the players page will keep you posted. What? I have to talk about TAS AND flap records?? Fuck me, I’m gonna go take an angry shit. brb. I’m back, and I’m not going in chronological order for flaps because fuck you, but Luke got GV no-sc flap record with a time of 35.530, could he possibly contend with Barney for the 3 lap record? Also, upload the video Luke, it’s annoying when flap records don’t have videos. It’s inconvenient for the mid tier players who’s flaps carry their timesheets (I am one of them) Of course, Exploder got a 14.976 on RR glitch, this may or may not be the final month of the RR glitch shenanigans, it may be entering it’s Hunter phase on rWS where one specific player (this time not named Hunter) just grinds the shit out of the track for a 2/3. Whatever your plan is, good luck Walaker, I already talked enough about you. Now that all two of the flap WRs have been taken care of, we can move forward with TAS shit! April fools day was great because there were 12 new Ultras discovered and no one knew which ones were real or not. Now that it’s May 4th I can confirm that BCwii has its ultra, courtesy of Jellopuff, a huge discovery! Unfortunately it requires super-grinding and is not RTA viable yet. This was also the same day of Epik95’s CM glitch TAS that I spoke about earlier. Of course April fools day was wrapped up by rBC ultra being faster with the zip zip, I love our TAS community. Furthermore, we also saw a new ultra on rYF, discovered by Mikul, which also uses super grinding (and the egg in the middle lmfao). Unfortunately RTA-ers are gonna need to stick with the ultra long cut that is RTA viable for right now. The final ultra discovered last month was on MH, and it was the next track to fall victim to the outside-drifting bike revolution. Monster discovered this less than a week from when I’m writing this and while it barely saves any time, it’s still an ultra shortcut. Gotta love this community. Besides the April fools day shenanigans, and other ultras, we also saw these flap TAS BKT improvements Justin improves his own rBC3 unrestricted bkt using superhopping Kierio, Ancient, Police, and Campbell re-invent how rDH no ultra is played Justin improves arguably the coolest looking flap TAS on rGV2 glitch Kierio and Ejay bring superhopping to rDS mkwLuke with his first individual TAS BKT in four years on MC glitch (on mach bike!?) Kierio improves MT no glitch Justin improves CM glitch Jellopuff and Ejay improve DDR glitch (using an S tier texture while doing so) Kierio improves TF nosc flap I’m not going into detail about these because this is the players page news update, this is about the RTA community, the alpha males, not the beta nerds that play the same eight frames over and over for three hours! If you wanna check out the new TAS bkts for last month and see exactly what they changed on each frame, feel free to go to the MKW TAS website where every single TAS BKT, and former TAS BKT sits, just waiting for you to watch them. We love you, TAS community, keep doing your thing. Alright my computer is about to die, I’ll write this next portion tomorrow. (I guess this is the part where I remind you to hydrate yourself?) Anniversaries This is a new mini segment I’m adding to celebrate the anniversaries of records! Bet Arvo and Arthur don’t do it like this, think of me as the cool guy from now on. Happy ONE year Anniversary to Logan’s TF SC WR (1:44.308). One year ago last month Logan got bored and decided that TF was due for another improvement, he also used an Acquiesce (he’s a kangaroo) mii in the process. Will we see an improvement on TF SC this year? Who’s mii will Logan use this time? Or will we see a new challenger approach? Happy TWO year anniversary to Invincible’s rDKJP glitch WR (41.072). Invincible set this when he was still making sure that Bryce (needs to show his lap 1 BKS) didn’t come back to the track to beat him. Invincible has hinted that he plans on playing this category this year, will we see an improvement? Or will Bryce finally come through with the 37 second time he’s been promising us? I know we already talked about this one, but happy TWO year anniversary to Guy’s legendary 1:20.357 on MC no-sc. The first ever run with 3/3 King Alex ramp, and also the largest WR cut in the history of the category. With Caleb announcing his retirement last month, this blows the track wide open for one Kasey if he so desires to go for it, things are getting interesting. Alrighty, looks like we’ve covered all the big news, now lets get to you fuckers. But first… COUNTRY OF THE MONTH: USA brings it home this time because America, fuck yeah. Also seven records were set by the USA last month, five more than the second most (we have ten times more active players than any other country) TRACK OF THE MONTH: DDR On top of Logan’s historical record here, everyone and their mother, father, and siblings seemed to PR here (except me of course.) QUOTES OF THE MONTH: “Showering 2 to 3 times a week is considered most healthy, so what i do, I shower 2 times, on a sunday, and boom” -8click, April 25th, 2023 “Clicking on the server icon is like russian roulette now ‘will I see fetish art today or not’” - Carter B., April 17th, 2023 “Clown. C-L-O-N-W” -Mitch Healy, April 6th, 2023 ANCIENT QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “I have a magic penis” -Ben Hurley, 2009 (I was gonna look for something else but I saw an old video of myself from 14 years ago and water shot out my nose) This News Update covers from April 1st to April 30th, 2023. Say hello to the four new players we count for this month: Maya Taylor (Doesn’t abbreviate the track names what a legend) Razz. (One letter away from Rizz, which no one that plays this game has. RIP to you) Trenton Steinberg (Initials stand for target shock, I’d be a TT main too if I was you) Tristan Carter (Sounds like Tits and Farter) Weekeat (he eats once a week, and that makes him better) It has come to my attention that I have tested positive for a coronavirus disease first discovered in 2019 (COVID-19) so for the rest of this news update make sure you’re wearing your mask, I don’t wanna get you sick. The Penny, The Nickels, and The Dimes (Top 10) #1 (#1) Logan KEBABBY Played mogi for most of the month like the fraud he is before killing DDR, which I already talked about. Please stop playing online, it makes you look bad #3 (#7) Arvolord95 Played 3lap and flap on CM no glitch and improved them both. He also got his channel taken down on youtube, so no more last name in the news update for him. Poor guy had to re-upload every single video to his new channel. The next time he gets taken down he’s gonna have to move to pornhub with the rest of the banned youtubers. It’s truly a tough time to be a member of the anti-censorship community. #4 (#9) Vincent Braixen Blew everyone’s mind by making the “humanly impossible” entry on CM glitch. Unfortunately he was so burnt out that he didn’t play anything else. I will say that record will stand for as long as he wants it to, no one is touching that until we have grandchildren. #6 (#4) Martin Fox Improved his rBC no glitch (obviously) 3lap pb to a 2:31.4. Besides that he uploaded TWO lounge compilations. I think we can all agree that we prefer Fox the time trialist to Fox the mogimain. The Quarters, and half dollars (Top 50) #12 (#15) Zed R Got passed up on red charts by ThomasNL, who hasn’t played in two years. What the fuck Colin. Also played some DDR 3lap and flap. Glad some of the top players still care about flaps! #16 (#20) Indy Kambeitz Improved his…*checks notes* MG glitch flap? Weird category to play for your first PB of the calendar year. Hope to hear more from our friend Weexy as the year progresses. #17 (#6) Jay Rangthale Got his record back on rDH no-sc and finally got the 3/3 lucky cut in a record. Huge congrats again. He also got an improvement on MT no-glitch as well, with a 2:17.8. Now we wonder if he’s gonna join Logan on the MMM grind… #18 (#34) Enzo Leussink When he isn’t muted in the time trial server vc or quacking at his neighbors, Enzobozo likes to get pbs. Enzo improved his MC glitch 3lap and flap, and did the same on DDR. Good luck on the sub 53 on MC if you decide to go for it! #19 (#10) Eclipse formerly known as Fatality, Eclipse emerged from his annual hibernation to jump 21 fucking spots on the combined AF charts with 17 PRs, cutting nearly 30 total AF points. THAT is the type of activity we love to see, well done Ecal (Fatal is the abbreviation for Fatality, so that must mean Ecal is the abbreviation for Eclipse!) Hope to see another monster month from you, we’re glad you’re back! #20 Caleb House Announced his retirement at the ass crack of dawn but also got two PRs this month on BC sc 3lap and flap. I’ve talked about RAF Guy today and what he’s meant to this community, but if these are the last times you’ll ever upload to our website, we wish you the best in this next step in life. Don’t forget about us when you’re famous <3 #21 (#21) Doge. Formerly known on the site as Takeo, but known by everyone else as Doge, he finally changed his name to who he’s known as by most of the community…he also set a PB on rMC no-sc which is pretty cool considering rMC isn’t even a custom track that he can snag his 154th CT BKT on. I can’t shit on CT mains rn unfortunately because I was one last month, but we hope to see more RT PBs from you soon! #22 (#28) Phyzothy Hasn’t complained that the news isn’t out yet despite the fact that it is now May 9th as I am typing this, thank god. Also got an April Fool’s Day pr on rYF flap, random category but nice job Phyz. One complaint out of you though and I’m just gonna shit on you for not pbing since the TAS community’s christmas. #25 (#16) Nick Meade Our favorite content creator finally got his 2:30 on rBC, and is now going for I believe 1:30 on rMC. He also sadly dropped from 24 to 25 on combined AF charts, shame on you Eclipse! Nick set a handful of goals for himself to achieve that he believes he should’ve pulled off years ago. I don’t care when you get the time, Nick, we are so proud of you for showing us the power to mentally pull through after all these years. You are truly an idol to us all. #26 (#39) Mitchell Healy One of the seemingly countless young aussies taking over the scene known as Mitch jumped from 29 to 26 with eleven PRs. I feel like I updated Mitch’s timesheet nearly everyday whenever I updated times last month, and he’s having himself a hell of a year. Mitch now has his eyes on the top 25, but I doubt he will stop there. I’m excited to see where Mitch will rank by 2024, he is proving every day that he is one of the best in our game. #27 (#23) Joeblase Joe DeBlasio managed to get seven prs and fall down a spot (what the fuck) and also beat me like 30 times on BC no-sc online TTs a few days ago, but I beat him one or two times which proves I am the better player. Dude got a fucking 2:20.8 there right before the end of the month and has no intent of stopping. We wish you the best of luck on whatever the hell you plan on getting there. Joeblase for 2:19? #30 (#3) Luke Brown Went missing for a few weeks before coming out of nowhere with a GV no-sc flap record?? What a weird month dude. Would be crazy to see if you compete with Barney for the 3lap record, even though I know you’re taking yet another stab at rBC no-sc. #31 (#24) Kevin Miller For a guy who “relies on flaps” you sure know how to play the game. Kevin cut nearly 4 AF points but unfortunately stayed put for April (spoiler alert he passed Luke in May) with a whopping 14 PRs (nine of which were 3lap you fraud). Maybe he will stop lying that his timesheet is carried by flaps as he continues to devour them. #36 (#87) Ryley Carroll NMeade’s biggest fanboy is our latest example of players only pb-ing on MG glitch flap then dipping. Nick would be very disappointed if he learned about this, Mr. Hydr8ion. #40 (#58) Jacob Fitzgibbon Managed to drop three spots on red charts and only one on blue despite his only PR for the month being a red-only category for him. I don’t understand anything anymore, writing this news update has been an experience of all time. That being said he improved his flap PR on rPB no-sc. Maybe Arrow should focus on making three glitches on that track instead :tf: #46 Lawrence Got a pr on both 3lap and flap on MMM. Troy vs. DBG is so close to a 1:15 there…good luck if you choose to go for it! If not I’m sure you’ll come out with some crazy CT BKT at some point this month anyways. The Dollars (Top 100) #53 (#56) Danny Boy Forgot his name was no longer Neptune, and also submitted most of Eclipse’s times. Thankfully, when he wasn’t submitting times for Neptune (doesn’t exist) and Eclipse (not him) he submitted six prs and cut six AF points which is pretty neat, boosting him from 55 to 53 (and is 52 as of me writing this). One of those times was WW tops on RR glitch with a 1:59.4! Huge time man, good luck on whatever crazy glitch you try this month. #55 (#52) Will Marable GOT ELEVEN PRS AND JUMPED 25 SPOTS ON THE COMBINED CHARTS HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!1!!!1!!!!!11! Will had a monster month cutting over 37 AF points to boost him towards the top 50, the question is will he get there in May? Good luck on topping Will M’s April 2023, it will be difficult. #56 (#88) JAYOO The pasta glitcher got 4 prs, cut one AF point, and dropped two spots on combined AF charts. Fucking bozo. I hope the rDH no-sc WR isn’t making you nervous about your rDH sc PR… #61 (#57) Claus Got a few prs on rPG no-sc. He likely has a goal there that I’m too lazy to ask him about. Good luck on that goal. #63 (#70) Ultra_Pear Got a PR on 3lap and flap for DDR, including a fucking dank 3lap pb on 4/20 (based) stop running metroid u bum #64 (#69) Jyran Liebs The toddler that’s good at grumble glitch jumped fucking 104 spots last update but played nothing but red charts (based) in April, getting two pbs on GV no-sc and CM no glitch, both 3 lap categories. Also he’s 69th on red AF charts, which makes me happy, but he’s too young to know what that means so he’s probably just gonna keep grinding for more. I’d stay put, but you do you bro #68 (#40) Lee Duggan Got a 1:43.5 on MH, which is something Arthur would go absolutely apeshit about, but I will resort to saying nice time, and good luck on future improvements. #69 (#129) Nate Schultz The fact that #69 is a member of bitch squad proves that there is a god. Bars. Also Mr. Schultz managed to jump 8 spots to the lucky number after a month consisting of 14 PRs and 17 AF points cut. Maybe he could double up and PLAY RED CHARTS and get 69 on both AF boards? Only time will tell if this bitch can pull it off. Also nice MT no-sc pr, there are 31 other tracks bruv. #74 (#61) Michele Gallastri Somehow set a PR in October already (Arthur already used this joke, I don’t give two shits) but also got a PR on rSL no glitch with a 2:05.316. Pretty cool stuff. #90 Idriz Temporarily moved up to 89 before getting shot back down to 90, Idriz played mainly flaps but also played some RR no glitch, securing the W3R there. Wheel we be seeing a 2:24 from you soon? (see what I did there? Hi, I’m Benjamin Hurley, and I’m running for president.) #092 Exploder FINALLY completed his BLUE timesheet. Still gotta finish that red one though, Mr. Walaker. Is also the current favorite to get the ever so anticipated RR glitch 2/3 before the calendar year ends. #93 (#98) Nara Hiero Got his first WR, which is massive considering WHO THE FUCK WOULD’VE PREDICTED THAT????? Got 4 total prs, jumped 4 spots on combined AF charts, and cut 4 AF points. 444. What the hell????? #98 Starboi Keeps raiding people in minecraft or some shit and pissing them off…wait this is the mario kart news update. He got a 1:30.6 on DC which is pretty cool, but outside of that minute and a half he was raiding people in minecraft and pissing them off. The Outlawed $2 bills (Top 200) #104 Franco The Swiss legend jumped one spot with two prs but gained 2 AF points. FINISH YOUR NO-SC TIMESHEET DAMMIT. #105 Acquiesce Everyone’s favorite kangaroo got a pr on LC flap and WGM no glitch 3lap. Nice job Joey! #117 (#119) Cederic Jumped a whopping 13 spots with 14 PRs and cut over 13 AF points. Barely missing on a 13-13-13 month. Cederic is yet another example of a young player who has just barely scraped the bottom of the barrel in terms of their potential. #124 (#102) Jadid ANOTHER player with a fuck ton of PRs in April. 16 to be exact. He jumped ten spots on the combined AF charts but couldn’t quite cut ten AF points, and had to stick with nine. Looking for another big month from one of our favorite Italian cult members. #129 (#128) James Collins My rival may have won the game, but the war is still only beginning. ObeisantBitch3808 got 5 PRs and jumped 4 spots while cutting 4 AF. A quiet month but I think he started university this past month (Australia schooling is fucking weird) so good on him for still playing the game. Maybe once I’m satisfied with the amount of gold stars I have I’ll start actually playing RTs again. #139 (#104) Ben Hurley I dropped a spot on both AF charts but I got a PB by like half a second on rBC which was pretty gnarly. Besides that I’ve turned to the dark side and have been playing CTs and lounge (RT lounge, I’m still sane guys don’t worry) since around mid month. I obviously plan to play RTs again but I feel like playing the CTs can help sharpen my skills, and patience, among other things. Good luck to myself next month. Also tears of the kingdom just came out so I might end up spending my summer playing that… #145 (#164) Carlo Our next member of the MKW mafia (literally just another Italian) got ten PRs, cut 20 spots, and cut over 28 AF points. Carlo went on an absolute tear on his blue sheet, but he also got a few red chart pbs as well. Someone needs to convince these Italians to play more no-glitch categories, this is getting ridiculous. #158 (#117) Mystogan Misto-Jen, or is it Misto-gen? Idfk you got 2 prs this month on TF no-sc 3lap and flap (best categories in the game), cutting one AF point but dropping one spot on the leaderboard. Regardless, a 1:51.3 is a respectable time, good shit! #171 (#123) Supreme Got three PRs and didn’t move a fucking muscle. He didn’t even gain or lose any AF, he just stayed right where he was. I guess I still have to say something nice about you though, so, nice 2:09.4 on DKM, that track is a pain in the ass at any level. #194 (#79) Fraterz Only played red charts bc fuck glitches. Fraterz also assisted Joeblase in humiliating me 20+ times on BC online TTs. Jokes aside it was crazy racing against you two, the times y’all were getting in such few tries were incredible. #199 (#110) Jesse Jay Got 30 FUCKING PRS LAST MONTH OH MY GOD!!!!! Jesse cut over 56 AF points to just barely sneak into the top 200 before the news. Congrats on the huge month, Jesse, but we need to cook (breaking bad reference I’m so sorry you probably get this all the time) #200 Falco How the fuck does this community have a fox, and a falco? Anyways he did the bare minimum last month to go from 201 to 200. 3 PRs. I bet it was just so that he could be in the top 200 in time for the April news update. I know your games, Falco, I invented them. The $3 coins from the 1800s (Top 300) #203 (#157) Ryan Lynch Found a way to pr on two categories and jump four spots and cut 4 AF points. Sounds like they were pretty hefty time cuts though, nice job Ryan! I know you can taste that top 200… #205 (#105) Shawn Berry Is breathing down my neck on red charts…brush your teeth dude. Got four PRs last month but dropped 3 spots on combined charts and gained a point and a half. Everything on this website makes so much sense. Good luck on getting world record on whatever online main category you choose to play. #215 (#153) Xenophanes Got a really solid 2:15.467 on one of the worst tracks in the game(fuck parkway). Hopefully he plays tracks that aren’t insanity inducing this month. #225 (#139) Spencer Sassak A disgusting mach main, got 12 prs and jumped 15 spots while cutting ALMOST 15 AF points. Do mach mains talk to women? #228 (#147) Joe Beaton Ace did driving on DDR like everyone else and is now 3rd WW!! Good luck on the 1:46 and however far you’re ready to take this!!!! #230 (#121) Pabloski Is half a frame away from 1:49 on TF. I can only imagine the frustration so I’ll be motivational. You’re so close dude, we believe in you!!! I know you will feel the energy of the players page behind you as you cross the finish line of that first 1:49. #237 (#163) ElecTrick Managed to improve an eighth of his timesheet and fall four spots on combined charts. Luckily he made up for it by jumping up 4 spots on red charts. Perfectly balanced, as all things should be. :rainiosmile: #244 (#181) Zyxis Got a nice 1:44.190 on raceway, but that’s about it. Gained an AF point and fell three spots on the combined charts. The Zyxis comeback story shalt be legendary. #290 (#220) Graden Entered the top 300 cutting 13 spots and 18 AF points. Only 280 spots til you’re hanging out with your buddies in glitch squad! #296 (#203) Silicosis Cut three spots and five AF points with a solid month for both charts. He is also gonna help me build my ranking on the message boards because he’s one of maybe six people that still submit there. The Big Bucks (301+) #329 (#223) Ncsr. Jumped one spot with three PRs. The push for the top 300 continues… #357 (#205) Pablo Hernangómez Got a PR on WGM no-sc flap which is 41ST ON THE CATEGORY. WHAT THE FUCK WHO IS THIS MAN IN THE 300S?????? #359 (#269) Emil Lönquist Had one of the best months out of anyone on the page, jumping 29 spots and cutting 40 AF points. Keep it up!! #401 (#243) Princessje11ybean Got a 2:08.3 on rSL no-sc. Nice job Narumi. #438 (#267) Chansey Learned all the hard shit on CM glitch and managed a 36.8, which considering where we are on the combined AF charts rn is pretty crazy. If he put this much effort into other tracks he’d be a top player :rainiodemented: #538 Blaine Wesley Frazier Got 13 prs and jumped eight spots and cutting just under 15 AF points. These guys are grinding!! Keep going! #556 (#285) Ruben Cauchon Got a PR on LC flap then vanished. Don’t let him escape! #588 (#306) Mattinatorr Got six PRs and jumped two spots. Good shit Matt. #678 (#330) Lowercase Everyone’s favorite orb of energy finally got the 2:24 on BC no-sc. We salute you on achieving this goal, and wish you luck on the 2:23, and any other goals you have moving forward. We’re so proud of you lcl!!! #727 (#377) Justin JJ Morris Last, but certainly not least, Justin rounds us out with four PRs and jumping four spots. Gonna be interested to see how he responds this month. Before you say “shouldn’t the pennies be at the bottom” realize that this is time trials, the lower score is the faster score, and the faster score wins. Therefore the same will apply to american currency this once. Also I don’t have a greymatter account yet so if you ask someone else to edit this update bc I fucked up (I’m not gonna proof read a fucking news update) talk to Pear or Arthur or someone else but definitely not me. And it looks like we’re about done. My news debut has been fun, I learned a lot really and hopefully will be able to do it again another time. Thanks for sharing your time with me today, now go use the rest of your May to improve your timesheet! Take a closer look at this month’s Site Records: Vincent Braixen beat the old Coconut Mall crs with a time of 26.106 Keita beat the old Koopa Cape crs with a time of 1:56.276 Niyake beat the old Grumble Volcano crs with a time of 15.425 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old Dry Dry Ruins crs with a time of 1:46.400 Exploder beat the old Rainbow Road crs with a time of 1:56.554 Exploder beat the old Rainbow Road lap with a time of 14.976 No-Glitch: LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old Koopa Cape crs with a time of 2:17.176 Luke Brown beat the old Grumble Volcano lap with a time of 35.530 Jay Rangthale beat the old DS Desert Hills crs with a time of 1:34.237 PLAYER AWARDS: Player of the Week: April 1: Nara Hiero April 2: LOGAN KEBABBY April 3: Vincent Braixen April 4: Niyake Player of the Month: Will Marable MEME OF THE MONTH:  Ben H, love y’all, enjoy this month. |
Justin appreciation postArthurOww @ Sunday, April 9th 10:31AM [link] |
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| Hello and welcome, ladies and gentlemen, Karters and Kartesses, boyz and girlz, to this News Update! I am once again your host today as it is my pleasure to write this essay for you and considering all the bangers we’ve had these past 3 months, I couldn’t resist but to handle the task of this writing, even when I knew it would take much longer than any News Update I’ve done in the past… Truth be told, I actually started writing this update in late February, so it took more than a month for this essay to arrive on this page for y’all to read. I apologize for the delay, I know monthly News are better, but trust me, I will not disappoint! So, what happened lately? After everyone said Happy New Year to each other, we all went back to TTing. This was 0.016 seconds after midnight was hit on January 1st, obviously. After a bit of a fail on my part, the people voted for their Player of the Year of 2022. I will not reveal anything in this paragraph. The name of the winner is at the end of the News Update, the entry in the “Awards” page will include the results of the Top 3 and I will post a picture of the full results on the forum soon after the release of this update. A little news on my home-made competition, the Masters Tour, as you probably know it’s a series of Time Trial Events with special rules I hold in the public TT server, we’ve officially reached the end of Season 1 and are now playing the Finale of it! The 10 best players of the Tour just played in 2 5-player pools during March, the best 2 of each pool advancing to the Semi-Finals to have a chance to be crowned champion! Although I’ve let down the “special ruleset” thing for this part and made all finalists play classic Non-SC tracks, I offer a brand new way of competing in Time Trials in the form of a direct confrontation between players across multiple tracks at once. You can check it out on the public server for more info, the link is in the Resources thread on the Forum! Speaking of direct TT competitions, one makes its glorious return right now. In association with Project Sanbo, a brand new CT distribution, Online Time Trials are back, better as ever! And with it, a new season of Online TT Lounge, of course. Get placed in a rank, play Mogis to earn MMR points, and work your way all the way to the top of the charts, at Master rank! And although we had a bit of WR activity at the start of January with 4 WRs, nothing happened for almost a full month. Let's review those 4 WRs first, they're not many but they're all bangers. He got the first WR of 2022, now he did it again with the first WR of 2023, apparently the greats of GV Glitch only play around the New Year, Jyran gets the record back on January 6th with a stunning 15.497, skipping .5 entirely and that's massive for the shortest category in the game. We'll see if Niyake comes back and battles for the title, Jyran is really pushing both the track and the Japanese master to their limits… A shock. A heart attack. A disappointment for some, a relief for others. A page of our game's History was literally THIS close to being turned by one single time. 1:08.774. January 7th. Now not one Karter, but two. Spear Master Kasey TIES Cole's legendary LC WR and creates the first co-reign since Logan and Ross shared the rSL Glitch crown for a day in May 2019 with their 1:37.066. A new WR, yet Cole's run is still standing, as the 2nd longest-lasting current WR, as his last WR, but also as the last WR held by an old-school player who already had WRs back in 2008, 2nd oldest current WR holder as of writing this part being Poyo on WGM Glitch that got his first WR in February 2009. A monument of TTs on the verge of collapsing then, but, as if its fate was to stand for all eternity, he remains unbroken. With the more precise finishing time that CTGP offers, we can even see that Cole’s time still is ahead of Kasey’s. Truly meant to never be broken? The Legend stands his ground… for the moment. Another historical WR has been achieved and I can't believe I'm discussing it here with y'all right now. It's a dream. It was supposed to be a dream. It has been a dream for almost 5 years, yet we got to see this fateful run on January 8th, when all the stars aligned, when everything matched, when that last piece of the puzzle that was missing for so long finally showed up. Ladies and Gentlemen. It finally happened. THE 1:44 IS FUCKING REAL AND OF COURSE IT'S BLAKE FUCKING GERMANY THAT GETS THE JOB DONE BRILLANTLY WITH A 1:44.599! YES THIS TIMELINE IS REAL AND IT'S THE ONE YOU'RE LIVING IN RIGHT NOW I know that sounds crazy but it's really not a joke and Blake screamed just like this when he set it (probably). Next step? A 1:43, OBVIOUSLY. Will it take 5 years before we get to watch it unfold? That remains to be seen… Phyz's wallet doesn't like this one. He promised 100$ to anybody that could beat Bryce on MG Glitch, well guess what? Bryce got beaten on MG Glitch! On January 8th, Idriz surprised us all with a 20.013, just shy of the holy deca-second sub of 19.xxx. Will he get it? Will Byrce come back and get it? We will see… Did I just say we will see? Well guess what happened 4 weeks later on February 4th? …Yeah. Idriz. 19.758. Baby Mario has finally finished all 3 laps of MG in less than 20 seconds! And what better Mii name to use than the one he deserves the most after this milestone… Congrats, MG KING! Then we enter the heart of the topic. February and March offered us plenty of WRs for me to review today. Where should I start… If I say Peach Gardens, what are you thinking about? Maybe the flowers, the chain chomps, the moles, the maze, or the fact that this track has a unique WR that uses Spear Auto…. Sorry, I meant HAD a unique WR that has just been replaced on February 5th by a boring Flame Runner time of 1:58.980 by Kasey, leaving the great KingAlex with no WRs in the process… And all of this thanks to a new strat in the hedge maze. Talk about killing originality… but you know what’s worse? He almost beat the PAUSE BUFFERED WR by Carter a few weeks later with a 1:58.940 on March 11th, just one single millisecond away from Carter’s time. You’re not telling me that this Pause Buffered category will lose its legitimacy as a category just a few weeks after being added to mkwrs.com’s main page? Logan got a 1:49.074 on TF Non-SC on February 5th. That’s it, that’s the paragraph. …Oh, and I almost forgot he also got the rMC Glitch on February 17th, but this time, finally, he was able to finish a 3lap run with it that beats the Non-SC WR, ending at a 1:30.224, now y’all have a good reason to mark rMC as Non-SC in your submissions! Imagine you’re the best in the world at something, then you kinda lose interest in it, people start beating you, and all your records, although part of History, are now gone and replaced by other people’s times. But one day, the flame that once burnt in your soul for this something, that was gone for so long, reappears, and fills you with determination to renew with your past ways and show everyone you’re still worthy and that your story isn’t just a closed book with an ending. This is the story of the greatest Norwegian to ever play the game. Former World #1 Martin Fox thus got his first WR in almost 5 years on BC Shortcut with a time of 2:08.813! 61st career WR for Fox, but surely felt as good as the first one. We all hope this is the start of a new chapter of TTs for you, legend! We’ll see if you can take your newly-regained WR back tho, as Emil stepped-up again to reclaim it on March 5th with a 2:08.697. A battle in the castle between the old and the new generation maybe? So, if you noticed the title of this News Update, by now you’re probably wondering why the hell is it called “Justin appreciation post”. Well, let me just say ALL of February was the Justin appreciation post. But why exactly? One thing to remember: it’s Justin. If you’ve followed our game for long enough, you probably know who he is and what he’s used to doing in terms of WRs and such. You probably guessed it… Justin did what Justin always does, he found a new strat. And what a strat. Especially that it’s on Rainbow Road. Man just discovered a way to make the glitch using fucking Shooting Star! Outside-drifting bikes now hold 2 WRs in the game, probably a first since 2008. The method looks relatively simple: you start, you turn around, you drift and hit the fence, and fly all the way to the end of the track, similar to what we’ve seen with the Quacker but using a clip instead of a bounce. And the Shooting Star being one of the better vehicles to use on the track after Flame Flyer and Flame Runner… Obviously it’s faster than the old method, and by a landslide. Karters rushed on their consoles to be the first to pull off this technique, and the first one to do so was Hunter that got a 2:07.166 with it, beating Logan’s previous WR by almost 3 seconds on February 8th. Later that day, Core would lower it down to a 2:05.498 then a 2:04.554 using Ultra_Pear’s crush uh I mean Rosalina, and get 2 more WRs 2 days later, finishing at a 2:03.728. The sub was on the horizon… But remember who discovered the thing. Yeah. You get it. Justin blows everyone up, beats Core by 4 seconds and gets the sub 2 on February 12th with a whopping 1:59.606! Just like he did on Koopa Cape. This is his game and he’s playing with us. Not to mention, he also got 2 other WRs after that, going down to a 1:56.824 set on the 13th. This one stood for a while, before the grind and perseverance of a certain Norwegian, mainly known for his 5th WW status on Yoshi Falls, finally paid off as he managed to beat Justin’s time with a 1:56.788 on March 13th. If you follow the TT scene sharply you should have guessed it by now, Exploder is our first new WR holder of 2023! He even managed to top this time 6 days later with a 1:56.690, where the record currently stands as of April 1st, 2023… All of these times are 1/3s though, and even if it’s pretty unlikely, a 2/3 run is possible, given that a 1-shroom glitch has already been done several times. It shouldn’t be crazy difficult to pull it off alongside a 2-shroomer to do the glitch twice in a run… On paper. In reality, with the nerves and all, it’s pretty damn difficult. A few players are trying to make it though, first one being Exploder, and if my sources are correct, World #1 Logan. We’ll see how that thing goes in the future. On the other side of RR though, we did see one new WR. Even with the glitch now using an outside drifting bike, let’s not forget that the real unique category here is Non-SC. Flare thus improved his own WR with a stunning 2:24.281, skipping .3 entirely and inching closer and closer to the holy sub 2:24… Which the best splits don’t give yet but they at least give something that’s very close. I do believe we will see a 2:23 being performed here one day, but as of the time it will take until someone gets it, I have no idea… Do you think Luke is the GOAT of WGM Non-SC? You might, but ACKSHHUALY someone objects to this statement, and who could that someone be other than that one guy that’s topping all charts, Logan Kebabby himself. He becomes the 2nd person to pull off a 1:49 on the track and snatches yet another one of Luke’s records with a 1:49.934 also on March 5th, getting to 13 WRs held at once. But wait, there’s more… He got the glitch back as well lmao, getting to 14 WRs held at once (all-time record) by beating Poyo with a 31.756 on March 15th. Where will this man stop? Probably not now considering he’s only 7 WRs away from becoming the 2nd Karter in History to ever get 100 total career WRs… Omega almost changed his name to Zeke apparently! The BC GOAT returned on March 11th to improve his record by exactly 98 milliseconds… I’ll let you calculate the finishing time real quick… Yeah it’s not the 2:19. It’s a 2:20.001. On the bright side, we’re almost guaranteed to see a 2:19 next time there’s an improvement on the category. On the other hand, it’s a .001, how bitter of a taste this must’ve been for the Japanese player… But I’m sure he’ll recover from that and surpass himself to get the 2:19. I mean, similar to Blake’s 1:43 on DKS, he’s had the level to smash this sub for years and he could almost get a low 2:19 as a subbing run, so I’m sure it’s not a simple close attempt that will slow him down. If someone has to do it, as of now, it has to be him. May fortune find the Karters who dare defy their limits as we say! A shocker! I never thought we would see Sosis' 1:34.397 on rDH Non-SC being beaten anytime soon, yet against all odds, it happened and who else would it be to take the crown than the one top player we don't talk about very often, Vincent Braixen. Man gets a WR on the Non-SC category of Desert Hills for the 1st time by beating Sosis' 1100+ days old run by a single frame, with a 1:34.381 set on March 27th. It's always a huge thing to beat an old record, let alone a 3 year-old one, so congrats to Braixen for that! It's been a while since we heard of him, and so he returns! I was about to say he was on a WR drought since his last one was in November but Luke returns to his ways by setting 2 WRs back to back late March, one on KC and one on DKJP, both Non-SC as you'd expect from him. He thus improves his own records, first on the 29th on KC by close to .1, inching closer to the 2:16 with a 2:17.219, then on the 31st on DKJP by 73ms with a 2:10.572. He thus extends his streak of Years with at least one WR by 1, being at 7 years in a row since 2017, only beaten by Braixen who, with his new rDH time, now has set a WR each year since 2016. Consistency. Our final stop for this Update’s WR review is KC, on the glitch side though because it got improved twice. Kei improved his own WR by a tiny 21ms on March 12th to a 1:57.879, and now that’s when you know you’re on a glitch category because Revengestyle6 aka Lawrence reclaimed his WR, smashing Kei’s time by 1.4 seconds with a 1:56.471. I feel like this category still has a very long way to go, we’ll see where these guys take it. One thing I want to note before closing out the WR review though is, if Justin wasn’t there, who knows if we would've been able to find all of the strats he discovered on our own… From KC all the way to RR Glitch, including the WGM Non-SC ending, these strats aren’t even everything he implemented. And if we count the TASes he’s made then… Oh by the way he recently found a way to make the rPG Glitch 3lap viable for TAS with the FUCKING PHANTHOM. Where will he stop… Speaking of TAS, we got to see another pretty huge discovery on February 27th, from Ejay. To put it lightly and shortly, man just casually dropped a 17 second lap on MMM, breaking the track and discovering what could possibly be the last Ultra Shortcut ever on 150cc. A few days later, Jellopuff would improve it using an actual flap setup to a 9.207, breaking the 10-second barrier. It’s crazy how TAS can accomplish things you wouldn’t even dare to think about, and it’s all the beauty of it… And that’s basically it for 3lap and TAS WRs this month, we thus got 30 3lap WRs in these first 3 months of 2023, a rather good start compared to recent years (25 WRs in 2020, finished at 102 and 29 WRs in 2021, finished at 101) but still not the best start we’ve had (36 WRs in 2022, finished at 122 and 40 WRs in 2019, finished at 149). We will see where the future months take us! But before that and to wrap up this intro, let’s take a look at the 10 Flap WRs we’ve had so far in 2023… Oh wait, they’re almost all on RR Glitch lmfao. 2 are from Kei and Lawrence on KC glitch, a 16.917 and a 16.262 respectively, then the rest is on the newly-changed category. From Hunter to Core twice to Justin, we then got Italian Carlo that had the record for 3 weeks, then Enzo claimed it but got sweeped the same day by Justin again, and now it’s in the hands of Mystogan since February 21st with a 15.066. Surprisingly, no other Flap was broken these 2 months, although we did see Justin and Braixen set a 2nd WW time, on rSL and rDH, both Non-SC, respectively. And when Justin’s rSL went completely under the radar (except for me because he kicked me out of WW tops why would you do that!), everyone was pretty hyped about Braixen’s one because we could potentially see the oldest Flap WR, Liam’s 29.317 from 2016, being beaten soon, now that it turned 7 years old on January 30th. It’s been standing for almost 2600 days and is Liam’s last standing WR. As always, we’ll see how that goes. With all of this out of the way let's dive into my favorite part of the News, you know it by now COUNTRY OF THE MONTH: Although UK could’ve earned it with the whopping 4 WRs by Core on RR using best waif- I mean character in the game Rosalina, Norway takes it home for the 1st time with Fox’s WR and Exploder’s work on the space track. Well deserved. TRACK OF THE MONTH: No contest! It's Rainbow Road obviously. I don't have to explain again everything that has happened this past month, you get why it’s there and if you don't you have i² IQ. Yes I just placed a math joke in a News Update what are you gonna do about it. QUOTES OF THE MONTH: "China will not respect us if I'm dropping on the rBC bridge." - Donald Trump, February 27th, 2023 “Quote of the month” - Ben Hurley, February 27th, 2023 "The Pear went Bananas because of news" - Jayu, January 15th, 2023 ANCIENT QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “I have discover a new glith on GBA Maskass Beach but its very hard glith it make 15-20s lap” - Benji_2008, July 10th, 2008 This News Update covers from January 1st to March 31st, 2023. Say hello to the 23 new players we count for these 3 months: Lynn Mullis (I’m shocked by how many Swiss players we have on this site) GeostR (Geostr Corp is a Japan-based company whose main business is the manufacture and sale of concrete products for civil engineering and construction, and metal products, as well as construction contracting.) Lauchan L (Your initials mean Lucky Loser to anyone who has already followed a Tennis tournament) Norma Kobach (Normie) Keita (And everyone will be like “OMG that’s the WR HOLDER on KC GLITCH” and they’ll be right) Sergio (AGÜEROOOOOOOO) Soggypotatoes (probably one of the dumbest nicknames I’ve seen) Cain Chitwood (You must’ve said “it’s spelled with a C” so many times I feel you) Kamek Datres (Parents now call their children after Mario characters I guess) Nuff_Muffin (Make it “Neuf Muffins” and I’ll take one of them) Qazzy (Jazzy’s spiritual brother) Miiwii (Wii still make piissiing jokes!) Ashton (Comes from the country of Unknown) Saqr al-Khawaja (First Karter from Saudi Arabia, that’s free Country Records) Triclops (Cyclops but T r i a n g l e) Mythdragon (bro thinks he’s the final boss of an RPG) Phenom (enal) Free. (That’s literally a french mobile and TV operator) Triscuit (the great) Decodragon (Sorry I have no pun) 117James (Literally OSS117) Lucas (According to the etymology he’s white) Online Main (he doesn’t have a timesheet) World-Class Karters (Top 10) The whole Top 7 played for the first time in months what #1 (#1) Logan KEBABBY played a shit ton this month, but this doesn't really appear in his AF cut because he's been losing almost as many placements as he gained because of RR Glitch. He still managed a .6 AF cut tho, good enough to maintain him as World #1. #2 (#2) Justin Hitchcock is the GOAT in my book. No need to tell the story a 2nd time, this game is his and we’re playing it. He’s unbelievable. With all his improvements this month, he moves ever so slightly closer to Logan on the AF charts as well… meaning we could see a battle for the World #1 placement. That would be insane. #3 (#7) Arvo Koskikallio made History by reaching the podium of the AF charts, defeating Multi-WR Holder #4 Vincent Braixen to further establish himself as one of the greatest to ever play the game. Another example of why World Records aren’t everything, they’re only an achievement meant to be the icing on the cake of an incredible career. For all your work and dedication towards our holy game of Mario Kart, I shall now grant you, Master Koskikallio, your Medal of Honor, proof that you served for our Nation of Time Trials in the purest of ways. May AF guide you for the rest of your happy life, and may the History books tell the story of your journey for the centuries and millennia to come… OK now go improve on Moonview I want to see your face on EU Tops #4 (#9) Vincent Braixen played both rDH categories as I said before, got 2 cracked times but that's not enough to maintain #3 as the Finnish GOAT Mr. Koskikallio now beats him in AF. Braixen probably doesn’t care tho because he got his WR, yet according to Arvo himself "he can beat him in like 5 minutes" so who knows if he'll want to reclaim his spot on the rankings or not… #5 (#17) Jack Gluesing continued his ascension although keeping it quite calm in this start of the year. The man played WGM Glitch for a 33.3 / 9.3 and rBC 3lap for a 2:31.5, slowly but surely cutting AF. #6 (#4) Martin Fox GETS A FUCKING WORLD RECORD ALMOST 5 YEARS LATER CAN YOU BELIEVE IT I’m crying, you’re crying, everyone’s crying, even Emil’s crying but that’s because he lost his only remaining WR and still I’m sure he’s at least glad it was you, Fox, out of everyone who beat him. What a comeback. Even if Emil still reclaimed his record a few weeks later, I hope you’ll continue your progress and break your own barriers, your story is already so unique and beautiful it deserves one more chapter… #7 (#16) Vincent Nguyen snatches David's spot to get a career-high placement on the leaderboard with 2 PRs to his name this News Cycle, on… Rainbow Road wow who would've thought man gets the glitch with a 2:00.7 / 15.6, gets two WW Tops and cuts 1.5 AF, enough to bop David. Sometimes you just have to take the opportunity! #9 (#8) Bynt. is playing BCs right now, having already set a 2:31.4 on rBC, a 2:21.5 on BC Non-SC that came with a 6th WW Flap of 46.052, and is currently on BC Unrestricted as of early March, one PR that will be reviewed in the next update. He still lost a bit of AF tho, go improve your weakest tracks and you'll move up the charts man Mythical Karters (Top 25) #12 (#14) Zed R is back in action and smashes 2 AF out of his Non-SC timesheet to pass 2 Glitch WR holders, being Jack and Vincent N. He did so by beating his former DC, rWS and rBC PRs and I gotta give a shout-out to his DC because a 1:29.5 is already strong enough, when you pair it with a 28.172 Flap that's 4th WW it's even better. Nice job and good luck on reclaiming Top 10 if you decide to go for it! #14 (#43) MKRFirestone continues his breakthrough by setting 14 PRs for an 9.3 AF cut, passing 3 people. How far will he go? The highlight here this News Cycle is obviously his RR Glitch, as with his 2:04.3 he officially gets his first WW Top time outside of his Ace Track DC. Congrats, you're not a track specialist anymore! #18 (#35) Enzo Leussink Quack "Quacker" quack, quack quack quack quack, quack quack 20! (Enzo "Quacker" Leussink, #3 Dutch player has been blasting everyone away with countless PRs, entering Top 20!) Quack quack quack rGV2, rYF, rDH Glitch quack quack, quack quack RR Glitch quack 1:59.640, quack. (These include great times on rGV2, rYF, rDH Glitch and many more, highlight being RR Glitch with a 1:59.640, 3rd WW.) Quack quack Masters Tour quack, quack quack quack quack! (He's also been playing the Masters Tour this month, so expect some PRs from him in the next News Update!) #19 (#25) Phyzothy gets the most beautiful time ever: a 59.0 Sixty-Nine on MC Glitch. Sexy just like the man that set it, nothing in his timesheet comes even close to this masterpiece of a time and it deserves to be the highlight 100 times more than the 1:35.6 he got on rDH a few days earlier. Also he's smashing everyone on the AF rankings and actually got into Top 20 this last month of march, man is killing it #20 (N/A) Caleb House gains AF… but climbs 2 placements to get into the Top 20 man’s hacking the math! Or maybe it's just my 15 year-old parser that's playing tricks on me again. Even so, this strike comes from one track, being as you guessed it RR Glitch, with a 2:00.8 that's 5th WW as of writing this part GGs bro Legendary Karters (Top 50) #28 (#3) Luke Brown gets 5 PRs except these were on tracks he already was highly placed at, hence why he gained AF and moved down a placement. He probably tried the recently discovered rPG Flame Runner strats as the man with the most WRs ever got a 1:59.3 that's current 7th WW. What surprised me until March is that he hadn't gotten a WR for over 4 months, last one being early November on DKJP… However he supposedly heard my thinking, as UK's star player bounced back and started winning again with the 2 new WRs on KC and DKJP I talked about in the WR review. A late but good start for this year. #29 (#44) Mitchell Healy skyrockets by cutting 42 AF and 28 placements OKAY MAN CHILL it’s not a race, okay maybe it is but you’re giving me more work by going fast and I don’t like that!! Still that RR Glitch of 2:03.1 is fire for your AF cuts and what a rDKM Flap that 38.803 is it’s ranked 9th here. You completely crushed Top 50, how about you crush Top 20 next? #30 (#40) Shane Hogan Quack "Quack" quack, quack quack quack quack. (Shane "Quack" Hogan, #1 Irish player only got 2 PRs this News Cycle.) Quack quack rDH Glitch quack quack 1:34.133, quack. (One of them being on rDH Glitch where he got a time of 1:34.133, pretty good.) Quack quack quack Masters Tour quack quack, quack quack quack quack quack. Quack quack “Quacker”! (He's been playing the Finale of my Master's Tour recently though, so he'll offer more next News Cycle. He also has some competition with “Quacker”!) #31 (#26) Kevin Miller got quite the PRs to push himself very close to Top 30 with a 10.8 AF cut, highlights being a God Standard of 33.2 on DDR Flap, the infamous 2:04 on rSL and a fast 2:11.8 on BC Shortcut, nice job for someone that “relies on flaps” lol #36 (#86) Ryley Carroll the good old H2O man improved on his strongest categories of MMM (1:16.3) but most importantly DKS with a stunning 1:47.753 that’s 12th on the PP, only but a few milliseconds short of the holy Regional Top being a 1:47.708 by WillCU. Good luck if you want to finish the job here Hydr8ion! #39 (#55) Jacob Fitzgibbon only played flaps, maybe it’s Arrow and not Chaos that relies on them after all! The rPB Glitch Flap WR Holder (what a status) almost got the 21.8 on LC Flap with a 21.902 and poured out a God Time of 3.369 on GV Glitch Flap, why isn’t Jayu writing this I’m sure he’s so proud of you #46 (N/A) Lawrence I hate writing this N/A for the Non-SC placement but I guess there’s no way you’re playing these categories so I’ll just accept it… Haha you thought go play the best category in the game that’s BC3 Non-SC Flap and I’ll forgive you! You already finished everything on Glitch, as told by your recent WW-Tops-earning Sub 50 on MC, so go have some fresh air and play something else without shortcuts for once… And no that 59.8 on rYF doesn’t count that’s not even a track that’s a lottery #47 (#91) Hunter Wells Got a WR this News Cycle although it kinda stayed as such for less time than it took for Germany to invade France in 1940. He only played RR Glitch, and lowered his time from his 2:07.1 WR to a 2:00.8 / 15.8, 7th WW / 7th American respectively as of writing this part. He can thus thank Justin for his 0.5 AF cut that allows him to stay in Top 50 at least for another News Cycle. Great job nonetheless Hunter! Royal Karters (Top 100) #53 (#82) Jacob Loerzel the DKJP King (get it, because it says “Royal” Karters… now laugh) loses a placement on both charts although he played 3 tracks, those being TF, rYF, and LC. That last one was for the Masters Tour Finale and he improved to a 1:09.426, that's one solid time… Also I notice the flap on TF uses the glitch btw nice job making it, and a 59.6 on rYF is really cool to have if you ask me considering how ridiculously annoying that fucking nightmare of a track can be. So congrats on your improvements! A bit sad that you got eliminated from the Masters Tour though, but it happens, you'll do better next time for sure #54 (#87) JAYOO this autistic bozo only played glitches so I won’t review any time of his that’s what you get for not playing the Chad categories!!!! Oh wait is that a 28.9 DC Flap I see in the distance omg it’s No-Glitch finally but still loses to me by a mile hehe get better bro  I could maybe acknowledge that a 2:03/15.5 RR Glitch is cool, and these 1:34.1/27.8 rDH Glitch times are placed quite high… But is it really worth it if you really think about it, we all already know you’ve been cracked at glitches for a while now#55 (#62) Danny Boy gets a 1:49.669 on DKS that’s very cool and probably the highlight of his January, that would’ve been highlight of the News Cycle if it weren’t, obviously, for the RR Glitch again, where he got a 2:02/15.7. A good job that cuts 5 placements on the charts, and yes I completely went over his 2:06.6 KC Glitch improvement but he had made the glitch before already so it’s not a huge deal as he’s still 6th WW there (also I kinda don’t care about the category ngl 8 people have made the glitch in 2 years) #60 (#57) Claus works on his KC and gets the GOD standard on the flap with a 44.4, really cool although I admit I have better-placed flaps than this one and they’re like Legend A or something (the PP hates me, we gotta make new standards tho), plus a 2:20.3 on the 3lap is a great time to have as well, GL if you want to push for that lovely 2:19 man #62 (#72) Jyran Liebs cuts… 104 placements. Yes you read that right. This is what playing flaps gets you, Karters and Kartesses… And yeah it’s probably also updating all your times at once with the same date although they’re like 3 months old but I don’t care because it’s all flaps and they’re relevant! On top of all of these the Australian prodigy also gets a very respectable time on rSL, a 2:04.4, 2nd Oceania that could be on American Tops, along with a 39.8 flap that’s literally WW Tops GGs man you won the track #64 (#68) Ultra_Pear only gets 4 PRs for this News Update cuts 2 AF yet some guys climbed so many placements that he ended up losing a spot, even though these were 2 of those PRs were on his weaker tracks: rMR and TF. He got a nice improvement on the latter one for a 1:51.3 (beats me) but Raceway still eludes him as he only gets a 1:43.4, one of his only 4 categories ranked outside of Top 250 here. Sometimes you do things wrong and you don’t know why at all, trust me I’ve been there multiple times on several tracks… God I hate Waluigi Stadium #66 (#149) Intel Core hasn’t only gotten 4 WRs on RR Glitch this News Cycle, in fact the 2:01.9 on rDKM Shortcut I’m seeing is very strong and just like Danny he played KC Glitch to improve his time there to a 2:04.7. A very good month, although it would be nice to see you focus on the No-Glitch part of your timesheet, it’s weird to see all of these top glitch times all on WW Tops and just under it there’s a 1:43.9 on Raceway that’s barely Top 400 PP… #72 (#60) Michele Gallastri gets a time of 1:50.352 on TF! …Hold on. Oh shit that’s the script for October 2023 I just took there he hasn’t set this time yet apparently, he will on October 21st according to his timesheet #74 (#50) Alberto Barba doesn’t play much these days but still poured out a 1:22.4 on rSGB, Top 50 and Myth A standard, now the Flap should come along easily it’s free AF cuts considering it’s as high as 163rd on the PP. Who knows? Maybe you’ll get back to being #69 with it… #80 (#54) Will Marable is… A timesheeter? So high in the rankings? Welcome to the Top 100 already I guess #76 (#45) Mo No played DDR and MH 3laps, for a subbing 1:48.9, God standard, and a 1:43.6, Myth A and very close to EU Tops. Extremely solid. Please don't get EU Tops on Moonview tho I need to get them as well don't make the task harder for me!! #77 (#132) Nate Schultz invites himself in Top 80 by getting quite a few PRs in March, including, you know the drill, a RR glitch dual time of 2:06.8 / 16.6. I want to get this glitch myself so bad considering RR is one of my worst tracks but first I'd need to actually play the damn game… #85 (#63) Arthur'Oww oh hey that’s me I literally did nothing just a good 33.7 on DDR Flap and a micro-improvement on rPB Flap that’s it, more to come tho because I just passed my finals this month and I SHOULD be way less pressured and busy… Watch me not get a PR for the next News #90 (N/A) Idriz got his MG WR for this News Update very cool stuff and along with it in March there's another 6 PRs that made him climb 4 placements, you love to see it #93 (#42) Kasper got some pretty good 3laps in the retros, most notably a 2:17.9 on rBC3 and a beautiful 1:31.4 on rMC, just barely off of EU Tops, and cut a spot thanks to that, you love to see it again #97 (#100) Nara Hiero grinded the hell out of RR No-Glitch to pour out a 2:29.6 in the end, very cool time to have at this level (crying in 2:31.0) but it’s sadly not enough for Canada Tops because of, well, Flame Flyer being so much faster than its bike counterpart here. I guess you just gotta do the glitch to get tops… Wait hold on that was a joke I there's no way y- IS THAT A FUCKING 2:00.9 YOU'RE INSANE DUDE #98 (N/A) Starboi updates the timesheet and gets into Top 100, normally I’d say “omg congrats on cutting so much AF” but now when I see like 20+ times all from the same date I know by experience that the player just updated everything at the same time… Only took me a year to figure it out lol. Nevertheless those are some pretty great Glitch times for the most part, one in particular being that 1:14.8 on Parkway is very strong too so congrats and all of this makes you cut 83 placements as well, solid job Heroic Karters (Top 200) #103 (#61) Acquiesce da Non-SC Goat continues his Glitch-free career with a smol improvement on rWS 3lap to a 1:53.8, and a big improvement on both LC categories to a 1:09.3 / 21.7. Beautiful work that makes LC one of his better tracks. #105 (N/A) Franco gets quite the amount of PRs, putting him ever-so-slightly closer to the holy Top 100, a big milestone before attempting to surpass Alvin Le in AF and become #1 in Switzerland. Highlight of the News here is that he got the Glitch on Parkway with a 1:54.7 and 23.2 flap, it’s not an extraordinary Glitch time but I can’t imagine how much AF that made you cut… Oh and btw I completely forgot about it but sadly no one in the staff team has heard of that Lynn Mullis you were searching for #109 (#93) Chloie oh hey you weren’t even in Top 150 last time we saw you there what the hell happened, by looking at your timesheet it seems you just felt like improving half of it at the same time so congrats on doing so and cutting more AF than I could ever think of cutting today (46 AF), btw that 2:28 on RR looks dope on your timesheet #121 (#73) 2ndmatt just kicked my ass in the Masters Tour pools thanks you’re welcome but man also updated his timesheet to have all his current PRs as well and, what can I say? One thing: if you actually played flaps and not just rMC Flap you’d be like Top 30 on here, that actually matches your level and not this absurdly low #121 placement… #130 (#123) Cederic gets a million PRs, that is to say 22 according to the stats page, and cuts 21 placements. I won't go over all of them obviously but it's worth to point out the 1:09 on LC that went down in March after 2 years of potential for it, his first 2 Non-SC Myth times on rSGB and DDR Flaps, and the countless Top 100 times on Glitch categories such as MT, WGM or rGV2. A great start of the year that can only lead to further progress in the coming months, we'll see where all of this takes you Cederic… #133 (#127) James Collins mainly improves his weaker categories this News Cycle, then suddenly said he was TTing Moonview and that’s when it got interesting because man wants to sub 1:44, on the damn Spear Auto ladies and gentlemen. This man is crazy. And he wants to beat my Flame Runner time as well this man is double crazy. And he also just disappeared from the track as fast as he came on it after setting a 1:44.016 this man is triple crazy how come you stop when you’re so close to the sub you stoopid!!! If I don’t see the 1:43 next Update you’re getting the super-rare @stupid role in the TT server #137 (#108) Flooferdog got a single PB of 1:16.7 on MMM, that's decent so I don't see how you lost 7 placements with it that's rough #138 (#103) Ben Hurley how come you improve a quarter of your timesheet just to cut less AF than Carlo with 2 PRs stop making the math smoke weed it's bad for your ranking!! I feel like I'm biased but I like the 1:45.293 on Moonview, you beat one of my old times here by 6ms lmao. Great job Mr. 125 Autism Score and thank you for updating as always #155 (#166) Rheece Wachow gets 5 PRs, cuts 4 AF but loses a spot on the charts, okay parser, he did get a few decent ones tho such as a 28.9 DC Flap that probably subbed as well as a 22.200 GV glitch that's Top 200 nice numbers lol #157 (#116) Mystogan gets a few PRs to climb 5 spots, most important one being RR Glitch: although he did get a WW Top with a 2:02.2, the real deal comes with the Flap as his 15.066 is, as I said in the intro, the current WR and his first Flap WR if my memory serves me right. Nice job from the 200cc specialist. #165 (#178) Carlo literally only played RR but still cut 10 placements, that's how much this thing helps your AF. And a 2:01.0 / 15.3 double WW Top time accentuates that… #171 (#125) Supreme gets a few PRs that apparently were on categories he was already good at because he almost gained 4 AF. Those include mainly MC Glitch for a 1:02.0 almost getting his first Top 50 time, and BC3 for a 2:18.4 that’s solid as well, sadly to cut AF you have to pass more people than that! #184 (#85) Kenneth Bernales strikes again as the Non-SC purist! Who would’ve thought you could find someone so low on the leaderboard with a 1:41.9 on MG Non-SC? It even came with a Flap of 31.417, currently 11th on the site and 6th American, how cool is that #193 (#80) Fraterz the BC expert finishes his timesheet! Welcome to the leaderboard! #199 (#147) Ben Brophy barely stays in Top 200 after a pretty inactive start to 2023, only 3 PRs and a 4 AF gain. He did manage to get a pretty good 53.701 on GV2 No-Glitch, so that’s not too bad of an update for the βτ mascot! Advanced Karters (Top 300) #201 (N/A) Falco gets a very cool, subbing improvement of 1:48.978 on rWS and gets closer and closer to WW Tops, your journey here has been quite nice to witness, now finish the job and go get those Tops you deserve them! #207 (#156) Ryan Lynch Improved quite a lot with 19 PRs and a 27 AF cut and is now a Top 200 contender, productive. I cannot pass over his profile without mentioning one new time he got though, and that’s his unexpected 33.242 on Moonview Flap, his first Myth time as it’s Myth C, his first Top 50 time as it’s 37th and a surprising flap considering he doesn’t even have a 1:44 yet. It even beats me on my favorite track, what sorcery is that?? #208 (N/A) Blake Germany AFTER ALL THESE YEARS THE 1:44 IS REAL BABY LET’S GO and that’s basically it for Blake this month lmao. Still a brillant month if you ask me, you go Mr. DKS #212 (N/A) Sam Fairless got a few Top-Tier Glitch PRs on tracks such as MG, CM or rSGB, and of course the mandatory RR time. I do note that we witnessed an attempt at improving some Combined times like LC or MMM, it’s not that much but it’s surely honest work, so congrats on that. #213 (#154) Xenophanes continued being quiet as in the last News Cycle as he got 4 PRs, only one of which counts in his combined timesheet. It’s the best out of the 4 though as it’s a 1:51.5 on TF, pretty good for his standards. Keep it up, slowly but surely! #226 (#182) Peyton Gunn makes a good move this News Cycle with a 37 AF cut and 24 PRs such as 36.9 CM Glitch, 2:06.3 rSL No-Glitch or 2:08.3 rDKM Shortcut, I can see you’re making progress and are getting better and better at the game so continue on this momentum! #227 (#119) Pabloski has had improvements on many 3laps during the only month he played, January, with times on DC (1:30.4), rYF (59.9), rDS (2:06.4) or rBC (2:32.5), and most notably KC where he got a 2:20.8 that’s his best ranked time on all of his Combined timesheet at 67th and still very good for his Non-SC charts. If only you played flaps a bit more seriously… #228 (#138) Luca R has a very contrasted timesheet as you can see a 2:22.001 on MT Non-SC then a few lines above a… 1:50.2 on TF okay I don’t even have that on my timesheet, not to mention a crazy 2:17.4 on BC3, Non-SC! I sense potential but I also sense laziness or lack of interest for other tracks because if you can get these times on these tracks then you certainly can get similar times on other tracks, so get to work and you’ll climb the ranks faster than I’m writing this News Update… Oh wait no I didn’t mean you’ll take forever #231 (#114) Brian Lai got one PB on January 1st then vanished in college. It’s pretty good though, I’d love to have a 1:52.5 on rWS for my timesheet… #233 (#167) ElecTrick gets many PRs and cuts many spots as always, after playing in the Masters Tour Finale the next milestone will be the Top 200! I can highlight some progress here, most notably some work on MG for a 1:43.7, MC for a 1:22.7, GV for a 1:54.999 (nice digits) and the pinnacle of these 3 months for the Irish wheeler will surely be his BC time he set… For the Masters Tour lmao again, that beats me by 3 milliseconds. I would still be ahead if my nunchuck didn’t feel the urge to act French and go on strike for the last geyser trick!! Nevertheless it’s a pretty good start of 2023 that notes the progress you’ve made, so keep it up man! #240 (#152) Spencer Sassak was almost completely ignored by the parser because it says he got 3 Combined PRs when he actually got twice as many, the thing is too old to count now. From what’s fresh and new on this timesheet I note a 2:14.3 on Parkway that’s pretty solid and a probably-subbing 2:29.6 on RR nice job on the big sub! I’d love to get that sub myself but the track has been giving me a middle finger for 2 years now #241 (#180) Zyxis cuts 25 AF and 22 placements to enter Top 250 for the first time! The main source of this cut is probably that 2:01.2 / 38.7 on BC3 Shortcut, both are almost Top 100 times so it’s pretty cool to have that when you’re in that part of the leaderboard… #254 (#148) Jesse Jay gets 25 PRs to boost her from outside of Top 300 to barely not Top 250, a 54 placement jump that’s huge! Some of these times really shine on your timesheet, like this 1:53.000 / 36.1 on WGM (RIP sub), that 1:22.4 on MC or even the little 33.988 DDR Flap that’s Top 100. Enjoy your PR-farming days, I know from experience that once they’re gone it becomes so much harder to move on the rankings… #270 (#169) Ragemodepigeon is really sexy, that’s totally my opinion he didn’t ask me to write this I swear! Okay maybe he did but it’s forgiven with that insane 36.065 on GV Non-SC Flap that’s Top 20 on the PP, his best time by far and his first European Flap Tops you love to see it! It even came with a decent 1:54.7 3lap so what else could we possibly ask for… maybe a double PB on GV2 of 53.6 / 16.6, double Legend standard? Yeah that seems reasonnable #278 (#199) Dylan Lepeirtz finishes his timesheet and enters the AF charts! Happy Karting! #281 (#202) Elias only got one PB since the New Year but it’s a good one, the holy 69 seconds on LC have been achieved with a 1:09.951, you can now officially sit at the cool kids’ table at lunch! #292 (#201) Mel Luna also finishes her timesheet and gets placed in Top 300, good luck climbing up the ranks! #294 (#190) Ivo Bril enters Top 200 in the Non-SC charts, but most importantly, after being "close to hitting it" for months, finally, he entered Top 300! Congrats, your work finally paid off! Continuing his journey through all tracks in order, he’s been done with the Star Cup this News Cycle, where he just got his first ever No-Glitch Top 100 time with a 36.7 Flap on GV. The first of many, I hope! He then logically started the Special cup with PRs on DDR and MH, which granted him the AF cut he needed for the Top 300. All I can say is, onwards! You still have half of the tracks to play, I wonder where you'll place once you'll be done… #299 (#209) Silicosis finishes his timesheet, have a good time cutting AF! I would’ve sworn I already wrote something for you here but apparently not, I probably take too long between updates to remember what I said in the last one lmao Karters in the Making (300+) #303 (#224) Graden falls back under Top 300 due to only setting one PR since the New Year, what slacking does to your AF… #313 (#210) Loocs gets back to the game for the first time in almost a year after posting his entire timesheet in April last year, with 2 new records on LC and DKS, the better one by far being DKS with a 1:53 that’s quite good for someone that hasn’t played in a year tbh #318 (#232) Will Fury gets a few PRs to cut a bit of AF and climb 3 placements, I have to highlight the GV2 No-Glitch here because seeing a 16.6, Top 100 Flap on here is really rare, so congrats on that! #330 (#221) Ncsr. has definitely abandoned the “half retired” status because he set 23 PBs this News Cycle to pass 14 people. One thing catches my attention though, his newly-set rDS time is 666th on the site… No way this comeback was caused by some evil spirit, right?? #347 (#218) Momo Y.F set a single PB so far in 2023, a 1:30.8 on DC. Not bad, I know some people higher on the charts that have a worse time than that… #353 (#212) Zevohno gets the exact same start for 2023, a single PB but a good one, this time on MT with a 2:19.9. Again I know quite a few people ranked higher here that lose to this time… *cough*me*cough* #356 (#203) Pablo Hernangómez what are these PBs doing here? A 1:51.2 on WGM, 28.4 on DC Flap, 53.3 on GV2 and 1:31.8 on rMC, yet you’re not even Top 350? I lose to all of those. Please improve on the other tracks so you can have a ranking that suits your level thank you #388 (#269) Emil Lönquist installed himself further in Top 400 by cutting 12 placements with 14 PRs, almost all in Non-SC in which he struggles a bit more compared to glitches. Good driving comes with practice, so keep it up! #395 (N/A) Ryan Billingham how have you been since New Year? …Oh wait that’s New Year but 2013. Even with 10 years of inactivity people really don’t quit this game. He comes back with a time of… 1:35.7 on rDH Non-SC OKAY that contrasts with your timesheet so much but considering you hit a 1:09.7 on LC in 2009 I guess it was to expect. I’ll say, what a way of getting your first PR of the 2020s… #402 (#242) Princessje11ybean improves on MG Glitch for the millionth time and also gets some other PRs to contend for a Top 400 placement by the next News Update. LC is not “super shit” by the way, just learn how to play with the Spear and it’ll actually be a good track that only gets infuriating once you’re at a level where wheelie cuts matter #406 (#245) .VDix apparently wanted to have a french “Ten” in his name, probably because he’s a 10/10 or "Dix sur Dix" as I say as a baguette man. I can’t really judge his times since they’re on Kart and 95% of all times here are with Bikes but I do note the improvement on RR No-Glitch Flap to a 48.0, 15th PP and barely not God standard, that’s the only spotlight Kart mains get here so I’ll work with that #429 (#277) Leila FalB Massanova got many PRs to cut 38 AF and 24 spots, the highlight of which being making the glitch on rDKM to get a 2:11.5 / 41.5, the Flap being one of the few categories she got Top 200 on. But I can’t go over a timesheet without looking at the Non-SC times and tbh that 1:53 on TF is pretty nice for your standards, good job on that one #440 (#266) Chansey cuts exactly 10 spots after a peak of activity, 21 PRs that’s not quite what I would call stall but I’ve seen similar non-stall builds of you before so I’m not surprised and definitely not complaining. As always you’re super effective on Glitch categories with great times on CM Flap or both GV categories, but you’ve been hard at work with your 4x weakness that’s Non-SC and I appreciate that, now go finish your training for today and I’ll give you an oran berry #511 (N/A) Russell Horwood is another one of these come-back men, last seen in August 2018 but comes back with a single PR! This time it’s on rSGB Non-SC (bet you didn’t know Glitch was a thing here) Flap with a 27.0, nothing too special but it’s better than nothing as we say #516 (#276) Snape Skin comes back to the game after a full year to submit 2 PRs he got in January on both rYF categories, a 1:01.6 / 18.9. Pretty weird to choose this track of all tracks to return to the game but I respect your choices… Nevermind I can’t rYF is too much of a nightmare for me #533 (#280) Ashley Taylor gets 8 PRs and cuts 15 placements, but what’s most important is that his rMR 3lap is exactly 1000th, how cool is that? Well it’s not cool for AF and it’s not even a time he got this News Cycle but still #556 (#285) Ruben Cauchon is a timesheeter for this News Cycle, welcome on the rankings! #677 (#329) Lowercase you have to appreciate the fact that the man himself actually played well this News Cycle. He focused on his favorite track BC and improved to as low as a 2:25.1 (!!) with a 48.0 (!!!) Flap, both being his best ranked times by far. And all of this is technically due to… me, partially, with the January Event of the Masters Tour being on BC. Still, it’s his work, his passion and his skills that led to this time, so I want everyone out here to type “congrats Lowercase” in every #general of every MK server he’s in. As for me I’ll just do it here, congrats on the time Lowercase! #731 (#377) Justin JJ Morris gets 12 PRs to cut little AF but that’s so hard in this part of the leaderboard that it’s worth mentioning it. I still see a few Newbie standard times on your timesheet, I’d recommend you to try and improve these first since they’ll logically be your main source of AF cuts, and also because it’s a bit rough to see Newbie standard times on a timesheet tbh #756 (N/A) Bobby Yu is our last active player for this update, fun fact I’m writing the leaderboard last so that means I’m finished, I’m writing this on a Google Doc with Verdana font size 15 and the document is fucking 44 pages long my hands hurt. But let’s speak of Bobby because it’s actually his part in case you forgot, man improved his rBC and subbed 1 minute congrats on getting this milestone! …I probably got some people there because I meant on Flap. It’s always good to see your Flap timesheet complete with times of under a minute… And there you have it, that's all the activity for the first 3 months of 2023! A good start, that shows our game still lives brightly even almost 15 years after its release… That will be this month in April by the way. The future of this game is in good hands, I'm sure of it. That's all for me, this News was tough to make to be honest, but I'm satisfied with the result and I hope you enjoyed it too! As always, have a wonderful day, thanks for reading, and see you later, Karters and Kartesses! Happy Karting! Take a closer look at this month’s Site Records: Idriz beat the old Mushroom Gorge crs time of 0'20"036 with a time of: 0'19"758 Keita beat the old Mario Circuit crs time of 0'47"715 with a time of: 0'47"583 Blake Germany beat the old DK's Snowboard Cross crs time of 1'45"210 with a time of: 1'44"599 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old Wario's Gold Mine crs time of 0'31"850 with a time of: 0'31"756 Lawrence beat the old Koopa Cape crs time of 1'58"854 with a time of: 1'56"471 Lawrence beat the old Koopa Cape lap time of 0'17"397 with a time of: 0'16"262 Jyran Liebs beat the old Grumble Volcano crs time of 0'15"673 with a time of: 0'15"497 Emil Parappuram beat the old Bowser's Castle crs time of 2'08"951 with a time of: 2'08"697 Exploder beat the old Rainbow Road crs time of 2'10"051 with a time of: 1'56"690 Mystogan beat the old Rainbow Road lap time of 0'21"017 with a time of: 0'15"066 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old GCN Mario Circuit crs time of 1'30"272 with a time of: 1'30"224 No-Glitch: LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old Toad's Factory crs time of 1'49"156 with a time of: 1'49"074 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old Wario's Gold Mine crs time of 1'49"965 with a time of: 1'49"934 Luke Brown beat the old Koopa Cape crs time of 2'17"304 with a time of: 2'17"219 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old Grumble Volcano crs time of 1'51"309 with a time of: 1'51"289 Shawn Berry beat the old Bowser's Castle crs time of 2'20"359 with a time of: 2'20"265 Justin Hitchcock beat the old GCN Peach Beach lap time of 0'22"369 with a time of: 0'22"360 Vincent Braixen beat the old DS Desert Hills crs time of 1'34"397 with a time of: 1'34"381 Luke Brown beat the old N64 DK's Jungle Parkway crs time of 2'10"645 with a time of: 2'10"572 PLAYER AWARDS: Player of the Week: - January 1: Blake Germany - January 2: Arvo Koskikallio - January 3: Falco - January 4: Idriz - February 1: Intel Core - February 2: Martin Fox - February 3: Logan KEBABBY - February 4: Sergio - March 1: Emil Parappuram - March 2: Exploder - March 3: Zed R - March 4: Vincent Braixen Player of the Month: - January: Jyran Liebs - February: MKRFirestone - March: Mitchell Healy Player of the Quarter (January-March): Justin Hitchcock Player of the Year: Jack Gluesing MEME OF THE MONTH:  - Arthur'Oww, that one Moonview-obsessed frenchie |
Last Christmas I gave you my News…ArthurOww @ Monday, January 16th 03:00AM [link] |
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Happy New Year, Karters and Kartesses! I'm glad to be back here as we start 2023 the best way possible… with a News Update! Enough of my talking, you've been waiting long enough to get this… So, what happened lately? These last 2 months gave us a bunch of headlines to cover, both inside and outside of our game. The Football World Cup happened that Argentina won, the old former Pope sadly died and a bunch of celebrities like Andrew Tate are being canceled for things that I don't care enough about to mention here. Apparently he got roasted twice by Greta Thumberg for whatever reason, but honestly these things are not very positive or joyful so I'll just pass on that… A better News is that everything goes well in our community, at least from what I'm aware of. This end of the year was very quiet, my Masters Tour competition still runs and is approaching its Season 1 Finale smoothly, everyone on the PP is getting PBs here and there but nothing huge, positively or negatively. But speaking of WRs it's true that some of those are definitely worth the talk… We've seen 10 new 3lap WRs and 4 Flap WRs on 7 unique tracks this News Cycle. Let's review them. Let's pick things up where we last left off, late October. After Justin got his hands on the DKJP Non-SC Top Spot using a new way to make the ending cut, Logan got interested, learned the strat in just a few days to claim his first WR here, subbing 2:11 for the first time with a 2:10.891. However in early November, former holder Luke didn't want to leave the throne uncontested and proved everyone he was the real deal on the track, setting 2 WRs and pulling the category down to a 2:10.645. Respect. One step closer to greatness. After the breakthrough he had that led him all the way into the Unrestricted Top 5, Jack Gluesing continues to write his legacy by achieving one of the biggest dreams of every Time Trialer that is setting a World Record. On November 23rd, Jack became the 431st member of the elitist "WR holders" group as he set his 1:14.213 on Sherbet Land Unrestricted. And after that on December 21st, as if he was freed from any pressure, he casually dropped a 2-second improvement with a 1:12.225. I tell you this is the start of something big. Remember a few months ago when we were saying Justin's KC sub was incredible and would last for many years? Well, some dudes thought it would be fun to completely destroy that WR and make it look like nothing. That's how Lawrence sniped the top spot, beating on November 26th Justin's run by almost .9 with a 1:58.854, and taking the opportunity with it to spread a message that's absolutely wrong because it's called Football and not Soccer. His reign wouldn't last forever though, as a new contender stepped up to claim his 2nd ever WR… He's from Japan, his name is Kei and he looks like he's ready to kick everyone's ass, starting off with Lawrence's by setting a 1:57.900 on December 20th… And he's not on the PP my god why are there almost no Japanese at all on this site they're so good at the game We called him the "MG Prodigy", Austrian player Alperen got his first WRs a few months ago on the Non-SC category of MG. Did we misjudge him? As Fatality found a new strat on the gap jump, several other Karters tried to replicate it to grab the track's crown, one did, and you know who it is… after all, who could it be other than the one and only, Logan Kebabby? Our Site Champion snatched a 1:40.580 on December 11th, but this 89th WR meant much more for him as he's now the only player to set a WR on 20 different tracks. Logan continues to mark his legacy, as Alperen remains silent and hasn't PBed since his last WR… We'll see how that story goes. Make it 7 WRs in a row for Kasey on what now kinda is his track, Peach Beach! The world-class Spear player set a new WR of 1:12.656 on December 14th. He didn't even let his last WR reign for a year and beat it a week before, what a Chad. Sometimes, things don't change and just seem right. Sometimes, fate just brings everything together and it just makes sense. Thus, the King gets back on his throne as if he never left. The giant of GV glitch, Niyake, finishes off the year by reclaiming his crown from Jyran with a 15.662 on December 29th! Don't be fooled though, behind this dominance lies years and years of hard work. Even throughout this year, he never stopped the grind and it's been a pleasure to follow the work of this man. The King is back, long live the King! Flaps time! A News Cycle where we saw 2 new Flap WR holders in Fatality (MG Non-SC) and Carter Clem (MT Unrestricted). One got it with a 31.145 using his new strat but got sniped a month later by… Logan, of course, who got a 31.087. The other hasn't seen his 23.692 get sniped (yet?) but most importantly, he ended a 10 year-old reign of Demon on the category. Insane. The last Flap WR to review is on KC glitch with a surprising 17.397 from Lawrence, almost a 4 second cut but it's explained by the fact that it doesn't come from a 3lap run but is actually the first actual Flap for the category. Congrats to all! What a year this has been… We've equaled 2018 with 122 3lap WRs and continued our streak of now 5 years with 100+ WRs, we said hello to 7 new WR holders in Emil, Mitch, Alperen, Arvo, Lawrence, Jack and Kei but couldn't say goodbye to a handful of WRs and WR holders like Sosis' rSL 2:03.750 or rDH 1:34.397 standing above 1000 days, KingAlex's subbing 1:58.986 on rPG from 2020, Liam's 29.317 Flap on rDH Non-SC that turned into the 3rd longest lasting Flap WR at 2500+ days set in 2016, and obviously Cole's last remaining WR across the whole franchise of 1:08.774 on LC. We discovered so many strategies, from the revolutions of WGM to the new way of taking the ending cut on DKJP, going through the monumental rSGB Glitch discovery, the new shenanigans of KC Glitch or the new rMC Glitch, we watched so many incredible runs being driven, like Caleb's sub 1 on rPG (rPG, really JAYU???? ur fired), Logan's 1:42 on Moonview, Poyo's 1ms improvement to WGM Glitch exactly 13 years after his last WR, Hunter's 2/3 rWS Glitch, Emil's 2:08 on BC Glitch, Darragh's retirement WR on rSGB or Justin's sub 2 on KC Glitch, we saw legacies being written as Logan became the first player to have held a WR on 20 different tracks, as Luke became the first player to surpass 100 career WRs. 2022 was a year filled with Karting. But we must remember who really made this year as intense and active as it was… Not all runs are World Records. 2022 was beautiful because of you, Karters, Kartesses, you who gave the best of yourselves for your timesheet, for your PRs, for the Player's Page, for our brilliant game of Time Trials, on this brilliant game of Mario Kart for the Wii. My friends, I hope 2022 was a great year for you, and I'm sure 2023 will be as good, if not better. Thank you, dear community, for existing and being as full of life as you always are. And I wish that this new year of 2023 holds us the brightest and most incredible gifts. Happy New Year, people of Mario Kart! Speaking of all we’ve done in 2022, this time of the year is officially the time of the Player of the Year (POTY) vote! Who was the most impressive in 2022? That’s what we’ll figure out to give this award to the most deserving Karter of them all. This award will consist of 2 phases: first is the Nomination Phase, where everyone submits exactly 5 players (not more, not less) who they think could deserve the award, then the 5 Karters collecting the most votes at the end of that phase will face each other in the Final Poll Phase, where we’ll make a single-answer poll for everyone to decide who wins the biggest award of the year! Everything’s happening on the forum’s threads, so make sure you keep an eye on them! The Nomination Phase starts today! COUNTRY OF THE MONTH: There hasn't been much activity over the past month but for their 2 WRs I'm gonna give the award to Japan. Niyake reclaiming GV and Kei taking KC Glitches are enough in my eyes to grant them the title. TRACK OF THE MONTH: There was a pick of the track like once a day on the MKL submission channel, whether it'd be Glitch or No-Glitch, adding onto it the new Flap WR by Carter Clem makes Maple Treeway a good winner this month for this award. QUOTE OF THE MONTH: "Vodka has to be one of the most Irish things. It's literally alcohol made of potatoes, combining the two most stereotypical irish things: potatoes and alcoholism" - Shane Hogan, December 24th, 2022 ANCIENT QUOTE OF THE MONTH: “Playing MKW in Vatican is awesome btw.” - Ostro, May 20th, 2008 This News Update covers from October 24th to December 31st, 2022. Say hello to the 11 new players we count this month: Paul S (Another entry in the "Surname + Initial" gang) ZDevil753 (Another entry in the "G@ming name" gang) Jim Kovacs (Full timesheet gang) Eight (Nein) Marko Maksimovic (1:44.1 MH I like you already) Mustard (We have Ketchup already, Mayonnaise would complete this trio of seasonings so well) Andremar (doesn't know what a flap is) Aziz Kasymov (First player from Kyrgyzstan, I'm sure 90% of my readers didn't know how to spell that country's name) Aidan Hennessey (Got the game for Christmas, we're officially in 2008) Conor Aki (TheMemeJoker, that may speak for itself) Ruben Cauchon (comes from Super Circuit) SURPRISE it's me JAYOO GAYOO I'm new here and I'm taking care of a few spots of the leaderboard since Pear got a mental breakdown trying to write his part (dw he's fine just traumatized), bare with me and my silly Italian jokes World-Class Karters (Top 10) #1 (#1) Logan KEBABBY got real and played GV glitch flap siuu. he got a 3.321 that is ranked 10th, nice job. #4 (#8) Arvo Koskikallio the second best finnish player played stadio di waluigi! he got a 1:50.289, im sure he will get 1:49 in the future :moyai: #5 (#16) Jack Gluesing An MR-RL time. Me and Marc Rutzou. Me and fucking Marc Rutzou. That's fucking right. I skipped 1:13. I am a fucking legend. I've never SEEN a 1:13 and I never fucking will. 1:12 baby. Til' the day I fucking die. YES! About time I get a fucking lucky break in this fucking game. Motherfuckers! And I CLUTCHED the goddamn grenade launcher. That's FUCKING right. Yeah it's this one. Right here it's this one! My insane pace. Right here. This is the 1:12! Right here. YES! It's fucking it. I'mma have to jus- I'mma have to find the actual whole vid off of it and I'mma have to get it. DUDE, WHAT A RUSH! WHAT A RUSH! Watch this. Watch when I get the grenade launcher. Look at that. See how fast my pace is? Right in the FUCKING HEAD!!! YEAH!!! Got a FUCKING 1:12 baby! That's right! You see that CLUTCHNESS? I AM FUCKING CLUTCH! Look at this fucking line I take. I'm like, yeah baby! Let's fucking do this. I wait. I wait. I wait... Right when he starts firing to try to backboost me. The double. Body armor. Two quick ones. I already know I'm getting there on the perfect line. LOOK AT THE FUCKING PACE! FIFTY. FOURTY-NINE. m FOURTY-SEVEN BABY!!! THAT'S FUCKING RIGHT! That's FUCKING IT! FUCKING PUMPED watching this one again. I waited the cinema too 'cause I said oh my god it might be 1:12. And IT FUCKING IS!!! IT FUCKING IS BABY!!! YEAH!!! Look at me typing you guys. You guys didn't believe me. I'm typing a storm. Dude I FUCKING just got Streets 1:12! It's not fucking coming off. YES! I FUCKING DID IT. THAT'S RIGHT! I skipped 1:13. I'M A LEGEND. I AM A FUCKING LEGEND. I AM A FUCKING LEGEND. He is indeed a fucking legend, man got A 51.211 ON DK JUNGLE PISSWAY YOOOO (absolute insanity if you ask me) and some sex flap tops like rbc, rdh sc and rsl glitch waowah. #9 (#7) Bynt. played DKS without jimmey (bynt strat moment) and got a 1:48, very nice. he also improved his time on rbc WITH DAISY and got a 2:31.5, hats off. Mythical Karters (Top 25) #15 (#19) Indy Kambeitz played 8 categories and cut 3 AF nice, also a ddr flap ranked 4th, big w man. #17 (#48) MKRFirestone the daisy circuit keeper played 8 categories and cut 7 AF nice, the most notable times are a 2:11 on bcwii, a 1:31.5 on rmc and a 28.6 on rmc flap, ranked 4th nice good job man. #19 (#20) Takeo the ct extraordinaire got a 1:59.6 on gardens with flame runner, i'm scared of this man. #22 (N/A) Caleb House da Guy blessed us with a 2:32.1 on rbc, may the flat bridges be with you. #23 (#23) Joeblase played some tracks and got some awesome times like a 2:31.7 on rbc, a 1:33.3 on rdh shortcut and a 2:00.2 on gardens. my man also played GOLDMINE GLITCH FLAP, and got a 9.6 bravo. #24 (#32) Phyzothy YO BOY PHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYZ got a sexy 3.2 on grumble glitch flap nice and a 1:48.4 on his first boxclip on tf (WAO). Legendary Karters (Top 50) #27 (#3) Luke Brown all luca gran bretagna did was spiral skip on parkway and got wr, oh and wr on no glitch but that's irrelevant :moyai: EDIT FROM ARVO (THE BEST NEWS UPDATER WHO NEVER MAKES MISTAKES): luke only got 2nd ww on spiral skip. how could you ever mess this up jayu. your salary has been lowered by 90% #28 (#40) Shane Hogan shaney hoggy got WORLD RECORD WITH KING BU ON CM GLITCH FLAP, mans was on fire for all december and cut 12 AF nice and got chick fil a strat on mg glitch, 2:27 on rr fart, 59.5 on ryf in like 2 hours and some other shenanigans #30 (N/A) Carter Clem came back and played mt glitch flap getting WR, huge time and run man gj #36 (#37) Kevin Miller got an astonishing time on rWS: 1:49.2 (blaowa) and a 1:49 on DKS, neat. #37 (#39) Enzo Leussink enzobozo went baloney on glitches getting an 18.3 on grumble and a 1:47 on tf, the 1:16.2 on MMM made my penis erect incredibly. good job enzow #39 (#29) Fatality the mk8 pro got some nice times: 1:43.4 on mh, 1:18.2 on mc3 and a 2:11.7 on bcwii glitch. cool #46 (N/A) Lawrence got fucking world record on kc glitch, making the glitch lap 2 he also got flap wr. biggest w for you man Royal Karters (Top 100) #52 (#82) Jacob Loerzel dkjp maniac got some sex on rmr and gardens flap, with a 1:42.7 and a 39.2. siuuu ig #59 (#56) Claus played some categories and cut 4 AF, nice job wheel boy #62 (#92) JAYOO i myself have played goldmine glitch and got 34.2, grumble glitch and got cringe 18.7. one time i liked was mmm where i got jayu’s house record with a 1:16.4. good job me. #63 (#69) Ultra_Pear the man with every video on pp got pb on rdh nosc and a sc flap, nice #69 (#62) Neptune last planet in solar system got koopa cape glitch like 3 times and got 2:11, siuuuuuu. #71 (#58) Michele Gallastri got 2:18.5 on MT no glitch and 1:50.5 on rWS no glitch, really solid. #72 (#49) Alberto Barba played rmc and got 1:32.0, ok #73 (#57) Nathan Socholotiuk played a lot of categories cutting 22 AF WHAT: massive 2:04 on rsl no glitch, 1:18.4 on mc3, 1:42.6 on rmr and other cool stuff. #77 (#51) Watcha played lc and got 1:09.2 damn, a 59.3 on ryf double damn, 1:22.0 on sgb triple damn and other cool times, congrats! #82 (#131) Nate Schultz played rmr and got 1:43.0 #85 (#61) Arthur'Oww played only rr and got 2:31.0, man has a life unlike most of these fuckers listed above :moyai: #96 (#97) Nara Hiero played a bunch of tracks and cut 20 AF WOA: he got MC glitch 55.6, 1:18.4 on mc3 (damn), a 1:44.1 on mh and some sexy flaps. good job Nara! Heroic Karters (Top 200) #129 (#107) Jadid the excel entrepreneur got only a pb on parkway no glitch porcodio #143 (#109) Ben Hurley BENNY FINISHED THE ROAD TO ALL KING TIMES, BAZOOM! man cut 7 AF playing lotsa tracks: he got bcwii sc 3/3 finishing a 2:16, 1:19.1 on mc3, 1:52.5 on dks a 1:09.8 on lc and other stuff. #146 (#124) Sebastian Manson SABBY KEBABBY PLAYED RDH NOSC AND GOT !:£%:$/” #149 (#138) James Collins obese ant cut plenty of AF by getting some based times: 1:13.5 on rpb no glitch, 59.7 on ryf, 1:36.2 on rdh no glitch, 1:22.8 on sgb with MAGI and many others. #151 (#128) Cederic went crazy on af cutting (-34) and pbed on like half of the timesheet. #153 (#105) Chloie completed her timesheet and placed 153 :moyai: #154 (#165) Rheece Wachow man played flaps #171 (#120) Supreme got 1:52 on ddr and 1:54 on rws :huge_moyai: #174 (N/A) NITROFOX GV 18.6 ITALIAN RECORD WOAHGFDOAHODLFISHELIGFUHGASZDPI #175 (#175) Carlo got some fast times like a 1:49 on dkjp glitch, a 37 on wgm glitch and bcw nosc 2:23. bravo carlo #192 (#156) Aimee Scaricordi woman :coffee: got some good times including 2:28 on rainbow road, really nice gj. #198 (#143) Ben Brophy bro cut 8 af by playing parkway, gardens, rbc and ryf, cool stuff Guess who's back? Yeah you know it, it's Arthur and I'm taking care of this last part of the leaderboard. So then, who's absolute trash at the video game and will get a leaderboard review from me? …Ooooh calm down I'm joking I'm always making jokes you're not totally trash Advanced Karters (Top 300) #210 (#149) Xenophanes had a relatively quiet News Cycle, only cutting 9 spots in 2 months with a few good Times nonetheless most notably a subbing 1:30.911 on DC and an almost-subbing 2:00.091 on CM Non-SC. Maybe a Top 200 placement is around the corner? #216 (N/A) Falco is slowly becoming a serious contender for WW tops on rWS. The man that's been blocked at a 1:50.000 for so long had subbed a few months ago and continued even further this News Cycle with a 1:49.425, 13th on the site, paired with a cool 35.819 Flap. Other than that, the Australian improved his BC glitch with a 2:12.464, getting him a Top 100 placement, alongside a few other No-SC tracks that granted him a 49 placement jump and 55 AF cut. That's how the job's done. #218 (#164) Jeroen Schepers got 2 PRs, those being on both KC categories with a 2:23.8 3lap and 45.6 Flap, but still lost AF and went down 4 placements... Well, at least that's what the parser wants you to know, because this News Cycle the man played Non-SC and got like 3 times more PRs with improvements on MT and BC. Special mention to his BC Flap of 46.932 (probably a sub, congrats) that's his 3rd Top 100 time, always feels good to only see 2 digits on that placement! #228 (#111) Brian Lai got… one PB. Hey, that's enough to get onto the News Update when you have a full set of times so I won't complain, plus that's a very cool 36.2 on rWS No-Glitch Flap that's almost top 50 and his best-ranked time when you put aside his Ace Track WGM so it's even better. You're a man of letters btw, why don't you write an essay about your times for the next News Update? It would save me some time… #232 (#122) Pabloski remains half inactive (just like me lol) as he only submitted a 1:53.4 on rWS this News Cycle. May 2023 be a year of good fortune and good improvements for you! #236 (#155) Ryan Lynch literally is the opposite of Pabloski as he got like 25+ PRs and cut 34 AF, with most notably a 2:33.8 on rBC and a 2:21.3 on MT Non-SC. Quite the great News Cycle if you ask me, reminds me of my old ways of grinding the PP… #237 (#148) Luca R also grinded the PP, cutting 32 AF with a very similar progression to Ryan. 2 times stand out much for me, those being a TF 1:50.9 and a KC 2:20.8, the latter one being a Top 100 time that's pretty rare to see in this part of the leaderboard, congrats! #241 (#170) ElecTrick had quite a dry November, both in terms of activity and his track choice when he did decide to play. Aside from small improvements to rBC3 nosc flap and rMR flap, the wheeler’s only activity was on Desert Hills, improving his nosc time by almost a full second and making the wall clip shortcut for the first time! …but not being able to improve his 3lap PR lmao. However, he clearly made it on the nice list this year, because he got pbs left, right and center in December! He started by continuing to play flame on non flame tracks, improving his rDKM and rPG flap times, as well as his MH and DC flap times later on in the month. However, he proved that he could, in fact, use the spear, by improving his rPB flap and finally getting the sub 23 he desired. Some smaller improvements to rDS and rBC3 popped up later in the month, but the stand out time was unquestionably on Grumble Volcano, where ElecTrick finally broke through and got his first wheel tops time on a 3lap Non-SC category! Great work once more, ElecTrick! Can’t wait to see what adventures await you in 2023 and thank you for saving my time writing this essay! For real though, congrats on this December (not November because you did nothing lol) and I'm looking forward to your improvements in 2023. Happy New Year man :beer: #243 (#151) Spencer Sassak only had eyes for BC Glitch in November, then for rDKM Non-SC in December, where he managed a 2:11.4 and a 2:07.9 respectively, some very respectable times… If you manage to play every track like these ones, I think we can count the days until you reach Top 100 tbh #256 (#190) Peyton Gunn played and improved a lot since last time with a 26 AF cut and 20 new PRs. Highlights are a quite good 1:51.4 on TF and a 40.2 on rDKM Flap, making the glitch and getting his 3rd ever Top 100 time after CM and MG Glitch Flaps, nice job keep that up! …Improve that Moonview though. #263 (#187) Zyxis gets PBs, cuts AF… yet ends up losing 2 placements? You tell me that's possible with a 39.9 WGM, 28.8 DC Flap and 1:44.8 MH? Sometimes Math just doesn't make sense. #277 (#196) Elias is lucky to be appearing in this News with only a 2:24.6 on BC, I'm not a model for everything you know, it's not because I barely play that you also have to barely play too #283 (#172) Ragemodepigeon only played LC and it's pretty understandable considering it's one of his worst tracks, with a 1:10.3 3lap and a 22.0 Flap as his only improvements of the News Cycle… Hey, I bet that 22.0 was your first one so that would mean you got the King D standard there congrats on that! #296 (#217) Graden is also following my steps of almost not playing, don't do that, this time it's a 2:26.5 on BC… Glitch what the actual oh why did my keyboard suddenly stopped working now it's back to normal #297 (#202) Woomy entered Top 300 this month with a 7 AF cut congrats you're now a true Karter! Although the 1:09.9 on LC is great, I'm sure that 2:07.8/29.8 MT Glitch duo of times helped… hey, a PR is a PR Karters in the Making (300+) #307 (#203) Ivo Bril I swear you're "only a few placements away from Top 300" for every single update I can't even say "Top 300 next update" anymore! This News Cycle probably was the one where you approached the milestone the most though, you did cut 10 placements with most notably those 2 great Non-SC pushes on WGM to a 1:53.6 / 36.4 and KC to a 2:23.6 / 45.3, effort pays off! …Please get that Top 300 tho thank you Happy New Year #326 (#194) Marko Maksimovic timesheets his way onto the leaderboard, may your 2023 be full of Karting! #338 (#208) Mick Lorenger cuts 11 placements with a very noticeable time from the rest of his timesheet: a beautiful 53.7 on the Non-SC category of rGV2 that's his first-ever Legend time. Quite a good way to finish the year if you ask me #344 (#221) Ncsr. had a pretty good News Cycle, cutting 10 placements with 14 Combined PRs and plenty more on Non-SC that the stats program refuses to show me because it's old thus racist #400 (#268) Emil Lönquist improved like half his timesheet, cut a whole 46 AF and snatched the Top 400 this News Cycle, great progress from the Swedish whose name is unpronounceable for the Stats Program (it calls you Lönquist). This is heavily carried by a 37.1/10.7 WGM Glitch that's very good for his standards, even getting a Legend D on the 3lap. Imagine you were this good in No-Glitch… #413 (#242) .VNix the real Karting Chad gets many PRs that I can't really judge because I don't know Karts sadly… but what I do know is that even with Kart a 2:28.050 on RR is hella impressive, so congrats on that and go get that 2:27! #423 (#241) Princessje11ybean gets more PRs than VNix, cuts more AF than VNix, yet climbs less placements than VNix. Sometimes life is unfair, but maybe that's because you're not a Chad playing with a Kart. #430 (#231) Jim Kovaks has just finished his timesheet, welcome to the leaderboard and Happy Karting! #450 (#261) Chansey has stalled the PP just enough this month to gain placements and enter Top 450, cutting 3 AF on the dot… yes, on the dot, exactly 3.0000 AF cut I see you like round numbers you filthy pokemon, maybe because they remind you of your godforsaken egg that I'd absolutely love to boil? Oh btw you're not the most liked picture on Instagram anymore because football is better than your egg, that gotta be a critical hit #456 (#273) Leila FalB Massanova GV GLITCH GV GLITCH GV GLITCH GV GLITCH ok I think you know where this is going, Leila played GV Glitch and just so happened to set a PR of 20.372. Alright. She then remembered she's been playing this category since 2018 and went "fuck it, imma go get sub" and actually got it with a 19.673, beating Jayu (Flap WR holder btw) and getting all the way to 2nd Italian… only to get thrown off to 5th days later with all the Italians improving what the hell #480 (N/A) Jacob Desmond-Hooper maintains his placement with a 2 AF cut and 5 PRs, that's cool but you know what's cooler? A complete Non-SC timesheet! #511 (#286) Joel Johnson maintains the same way as Jacob with 4 PRs, however he gained AF? OK stats program #558 (#280) Zeddicus improved 3 times, gained less AF OK that's weird but understandable… But how in the world does he gain 2 placements then #656 (#313) Jack Sahaida got 2 PRs this News Cycle (I love how we went 5-4-3-2 in terms of PRs across the last 4 players) and logically gained both AF and placements, dropping further from the Top 650. Better luck next time! #673 (#321) Lowercase aka the GOAT played this month, FAIS PÉTER LE CHAMPAGNE ROGER as we say here on the other side of the Atlantic #735 (#376) Justin JJ Morris improved 2 of his times to… gain 2 AF. Probably because he couldn't PB with the ROB-BLS here #743 (#373) Paul Allain the absolute legend and epic joke man played our game for the first time in months, welcome back! I know it's only one PB and you gained both AF and placements as always but it's great to see some activity from you. Bonne année! And here you have it, the first News Update of 2023! Once again, Happy New Year to all of you Karters and Kartesses, I'm gonna be honest, I wouldn't have went through a 2022 as good as the one I had without y'all, it's been such a pleasure to play, update, and write those News Updates for my favorite site this year and I hope we'll continue this together in 2023. And I promise, I'll actually update frequently and not like twice a month as I've been doing in the past few weeks lmao That's gonna be it for me tonight, it's been an honor as always, and hopefully we'll see you all in the next News Update. Until then, stay safe, enjoy life as it's the best gift nature has offered us, and most of all… Happy Karting! Take a closer look at this month’s Site Records: Shane Hogan beat the old Coconut Mall lap time of 0'04"158 with a time of: 0'04"122 Lawrence beat the old Koopa Cape crs time of 1'59"751 with a time of: 1'58"854 Lawrence beat the old Koopa Cape lap time of 0'21"356 with a time of: 0'17"397 Carter Clem beat the old Maple Treeway lap time of 0'23"785 with a time of: 0'23"692 Jack Gluesing beat the old N64 Sherbet Land crs time of 1'14"843 with a time of: 1'12"225 Niyake beat the old Grumble Volcano crs time of 0'15"673 with a time of: 0'15"662 No-Glitch: Luke Brown beat the old N64 DK's Jungle Parkway crs time of 2'11"096 with a time of: 2'10"645 Logan KEBABBY beat the old Mushroom Gorge crs time of 1'40"849 with a time of: 1'40"580 Logan KEBABBY beat the old Mushroom Gorge lap time of 0'31"240 with a time of: 0'31"087 PLAYER AWARDS: Player of the Week: - September 1: Lowercase - September 2: Caleb House - September 3: Bryce - September 4: Logan KEBABBY - October 1: Supreme - October 2: Logan KEBABBY - October 3: Nara Hiero - October 4: Justin Hitchcock - November 1: MKRFirestone - November 2: Ben Brophy - November 3: Carter Clem - November 4: Jack Gluesing - December 1: Arvo Koskikallio - December 2: Logan KEBABBY - December 3: Cederic - December 4: Niyake Player of the Month: - September: Luke Brown - October: MKRFirestone - November: JAYOO - December: Shane Hogan Player of the Quarter: - July-September: Ben Hurley - October-December: Jack Gluesing MEME OF THE MONTH:  - Arthur'Oww, your essayist that doesn’t know what a “due date” is, and Jayu, who got subbed-in last minute |
sup fuckersArvo @ Sunday, October 23rd 08:45AM [link] |
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| //cw, tw - The following news update contains coarse language and due to its content it should not be read by anyone I am being held hostage by ArthurOww and Ultra Pear and they are forcing me to write news updates because nobody was reading theirs (they were unfunny) please if you can read this send help my location is 50°01'35.9"N 19°12'15.2"E haha ignore that one that was a funny goof it's ok I am not in danger and ArthurOww did not just hit me and threaten to kill my family back home haha that is not the case haha yes yes it is only time for another news update just like nothing out the ordinary yes yes welcome back to the super mario super show What the fuck have you guys done while I was chilling on the beach in ibiza (sitting on my couch watching stupid movies and sitting on my chair at work writing stupid C# code) enjoying my retirement Ok first thing that I notice that Bryce got a 20.036 on MG and he would have subbed if he wasn't incredibly racist and god didn't hate him for hating everyone who is not of the same RGB hexadecimal colour code as him. Unlucky Bryce, stop being so racist you hitler loving fuck Luke got Koopa Cape WR because he can't stop targetting Jongwoo (honestly so cringe I can't believe he would target people like this) Logan got MH 1:42 and he didn't really even care that much really haha not that much of a big deal really (haha if i dont react all the 12 year old kids watching my stream will think im really cool and funny i think i should do that) fucking poser get real Colin's favourite MKW player Sosis got a new PR on GV2 which is the first cool WR so far but I think JGB will beat this WR in approximately 17 centuries Poyo managed to get another WGM glitch WR before developing arthritis (he is at least 47 years old) Luke got rBC lol who cares boring track at least he didn't target anyone but himself this time Scorpi found a new strat and Justin leeched off of it and managed to snag a quick DKJP WR (honestly surprising, Justin is usually very innovative but this time he just smooched off of Scorpi's hard work and intellect) (i love scorpi so much <3) Connor got TF WR by aligning donkey kongs hair to form a consistent way to drive every turn Kasey SGB WR (Sword is hoarding a 1:20 though and he will upload it soon and start streaming daily again, I for one will welcome him back with open arms) Kei (who?) got a MC glitch WR (PROS: Logan lost a WR, New player gets a WR, First Mid 47. CONS: I hate japanese people.) des got a 1:33 on MT glitch and subbed 45 minutes in Total Time (lowercaseletters was finally able to post the incoherent autistic message he had wrote weeks ago for this occasion) Quote of the month: Have you guys seen the 2017 David Lowery-A24 masterpiece, "A Ghost Story", I think it's one of the best movies ever made. Flare Qur'an quote of the month: صِرَٰطَ ٱلَ�'ذِينَ أَن�'عَم�'تَ عَلَي�'هِم�' غَي�'رِ ٱل�'مَغ�'ضُوبِ عَلَي�'هِم�' وَلَا ٱلضَ�'آلِ�'ينَ Al-Qur'an 1:7 This news update covers from September 15 2022 to October 23 2022 (i think but idk if the lazy new updaters haven't updated in weeks) (i was the best updater and i updated every day) New Players: Jcsn. (has not discovered vowels just like Ncsr.) Silicosis (sounds like a disease) Priya (99% chance of being indian) Melvin (i am not going to write down this joke because it's too bad) Fraterz (my first interaction with him was getting invited to a clan where everyone is cheating and larping as e-girls, pleasure to meet you too) Ayden (what a stupid name) Malin Turtschi (no potential for this player) Lamness (lameness) Brady Lasher (could be a contender for top 10) Actually good players #1 LOGAN KEBABBY haha so funny and quirky name all in uppercase really cool I am this close to changing his name to his actual name (took leaking advice from sosis). Logan has been on his TWD98 arc trying to become a full-time professional MKW player (spoiler: it wont work) and has been playing some Time Trials (incredibly engaging stream I am sure) and got the MH WR as mentioned before. 10 WRs but still 0 bitches #2 Justin HitchCOCK got the DKJP WR and show's over come back next time for another Justin Hitchcock innovation (maybe he can innovate some bitches so Logan can leech off of Justin's innovations once again?) #4 Arvo Koskikallio hahaha i played rWS flap it was very easy I got the run in 5 minutes (it actually took 3 days peeposad) ALSO I BEAT KARHUMA'S MG NO GLITCH SHROOMLESS FINNISH RECORD, #1 FINLAND TILL THE DAY I DIE (maybe i will beat his record for most pedophile friends some day) (please don't find this once my friends get exposed as child molesters) #5 Jack Gluesing I FUCKING TOLD YOU GUYS HE WOULD MAKE IT the absolute prodigy, I can't wait to be overtaken by you sir. DKS times for some fat AF gains and a 3/3 glitch run on MT, the grind never stops #9 wah wah I hate america please let me move to nordics also known as Bynt. played some MH (he is not happy with his time), MC3 (he is not happy with his time), GV2 (he is not happy with his time), GV (he is not happy with his time) and rYF (he hates this track almost as much as he hates america). Nice job Bynt.! Mediocre at best #17 Dane Allen ever since he showed me where he lives on google maps I've been living inside his walls haha there he is going to the bathroom right now. He got a PB on BC3 (i was watching him get it and i can tell it was a really perfect run, don't think he can improve it.) #23 MKRFirestone lets see here. rYF, MMM, rMR, rSL. seems AF-oriented. The things you gotta do to maintain top 25 #25 Phyzothy omg surely some epic GV time? rDS world record perhaps? another shane hogan cake? ah just some flaps. moving on At least you're trying #27 Luke Brown has a 1:06 on WGM glitch. He didn't set it this month but i just thought it was funny. nothing worth mentioning outside of that #29 The bad Carter got a 1:49.3 on DDR. The good Carter could actually never get this time (prove me wrong i dare you) #35 Jacob Fitzgibbon got a 27.4 rDH flap and a 44.0 MT flap. Just foreplay before the 3/3 glitch rPB 58 I'm sure #36 Shane Hogan how the fuck is he this high up what is happening in the community ok at least he is still glitch reliant, at least he got 1:50 on TF so not completely core i7/korben tier, moving up in the world! He also played the stupid ArthurOww GV challenge thing and did right side rock man he is so sweaty and cringe #39 Enzo Leussink the GV rock hop michelangelo got some garbo times and some better times like 1:51.1 on WGM (probably 1:51.9 tier with full mickey mouse) and 1:49.8 on DKS (1:53 tier with 3/3 colin cuts I assume) #40 Kevin Miller chaos has still not given up his dream to be Kevin huh. Ok he posted like a million times so let me just mention all the good ones. rWS 1:49.6. ok moving on to the next player #46 Lawrence got a new KC glitch time. Good, but you should have waited on the line (this makes you cool and people will want to watch your twitch streams) Abandon all hope #52 Jacob Loerzel he got the rSL WR i think (the joke here is that the only thing he ever talks about is the rSL WR even though he is about as close to getting it as I am). He actually got some random rPB glitch time #57 Mitchell Healy 17 on GV and 2:04 on rSL? Actual good times? Man I'm really out of touch with the community nowadays #61 Claus played a bunch of random shit and got some ok times to gain some af to pass the top 2 most racist players in MKW, Ultra_Pear and Bryce. #63 Ultra_Pear got muted in the tt server for being mean to Logan (why would ever do that he is the most awesome player) but didn't get kicked because they still need him to update the times (been there). He got a 1:51.5 on TF WITH THE GLITCH? HE REALLY GETS A NEWS UPDATE MENTION FOR THAT SHIT?? incredible #66 Bryce black lives matter #lol 69 JAYOO played some random garbage as usual including WGM glitch flap 9.0 with the stupid pole strategy. Honestly I think give it a few years he will be in the top 10 because he is willing to play all the dumb shit that nobody wants to play and his lines are at least slightly better than korben's #70 Michele Gallastri i had no idea cross was still playing but i guess he got some pretty ok times mamma mia thats awesome. mushroom kingdom, here i come #75 Neptune set some random times aswell and I thought i was gonna have to spout some nonsense again until i saw that he actually got a 1:18 on SGB glitch so theres something that stands out. That's awesome, thanks for helping me write my news update #83 Nate Schultz got a 1:50 on DKS (definitely Jimmy-infested) #88 Nathan Inuktitut 23.856 MMM flap. OK mate stop the TAS right now TWD98 fun room mains #101 Acquiesce achieved a hanful of times on a few tracks. A notable example is Moonview Highway, on which he managed to set a time of 33 seconds and 240 milliseconds. This is a rather scrumptuous achievement. I shall serve you a letter of congratulation once we cross paths at the golf club. #117 Nara Hiero omg yeah he got the CM glitch flap WR, fucking inspirational #129 Jadid the schizophrenic excel-sheet making motherfucker took a break from trying to find out what region of Italy random people who drove a run with the royal racer on their friends wii 14 years ago are from to actually play MKW. he got a PB on LC and LC flap ( 22.002 omg so close to I PULLED AN OMEGA D: ) #148 Sebastian Manson omg that's sabby he got some random flaps but he made a fantastic video about his time in the MKW community and everyone needs to check it out. Go do real life shit now sabby don't look back #149 Ben Hurley this is the weed smoking guy whos always on discord right omg like all his times are outside of the top 100 bro stop smoking weed and, as a great English philosopher once said, "actually do driving" (this is funny because ace beaton loves weed). Yeah he got some times whatever whatever #156 James Collins ok this guy actually has vids of his times nice lets see his new DKJP glitch run video ok the BGM is by this guy called "Fleetwood Mac" who tf is that GG 0/10 video #160 Mystogan TF 1:51, random flaps, the works. yeah #179 Kenneth Bernales this is the fucking guy who hated glitches, has he played any glitches ok he has posted a 1:58.6 on CM. I don't think that's on the glitch category. #180 Supreme set so many times but one of them has a video. DDR flap 33.9 and the description says "goofy ass flap" i don't think he is very happy with his times #182 Cederic oh yeah this is the kid who updates and said that getting a MKW PB is more important than going to school. I think having opinions like these are a big reason why you should go to school. I will not mention any of your PB's because they are not important big brother let them play worldwides with them once #204 Ben Brophy got some random rSL time wow thats really great im so happy for you #220 Aimee Scaricordi bro i literally dont know #242 Lamness finished his timesheet (whew i don't have to make up some random bullshit about another person I don't know again) #244 Evilninja MH 1:44 YES CONGRATS #251 Spencer Sassak I would say more random times but he actually got a low .6 on MC3 and that's .05 from my PB so I guess I don't really have a leg to stand on here #253 ElecTrick literally like 45 times and none of them stand out #261 Zyxis yes yes another timesheeter i can say something about you #265 Falco his raceway time is in the bottom 10 of everyone on the players' page but then he gets a 1:49 on rWS and a 59.3 on rYF yeah this is normal behaviour. Also biggest AF gains (his old times were probably also bottom 10 material) #266 Luca R is that a first 1:09 LC I see, welcome to being a real time trialer (everyone with a 1:10 is terrible and should snap their disc Liam Ashcroft style) #268 Ryan Lynch more random times but his profile is giving lynchian vibes #272 Joshua Baldwin got a 1:35.0 MT but des sniped his ass and he is once again over a second from the WR (it's ok he can get 3/3 treeclip 3/3 low cannon 3/3 triple net 1:24 within 3 decades) #280 Peyton Gunn is this paytonkarting #283 Ragemodepigeon i literally talked to him on discord like 30 minutes ago so i need to think of something for him. umm umm umm 2:08 rDS you know what that's kinda funny I'll give you that #293 Graden i read his rPB time as 1:13.5 but it was actually 1:15.3 unlucky #337 Momo Y.F MomoFifaHD finished his timesheeet #350 Pablo Hernangómez yeah im not even gonna bother correcting that name. He played daisy circuit (and got a 1:29?????????????? WHO IS THIS GUY) #354 Ncsr. bro thats not your name #421 .VNix Other Info: "All times are set with a kart". Next player please #427 Princessje11ybean thats the guy who i saw argue with randoms on MKL over whether he should stop playing MG glitch or not. Twitter tier arguments right there. surprise surprise he played mg glitch flap and got a 13.7 go cookie man please #452 Chansey fellow movie enjoyer yes yes what did you do... Other Info: "Likes hot dogs" 1:11 ON LUIGI CIRCUIT. NEXT PLAYER #493 Leila FalB Massanova omg theres videos of runs WITH ITALIAN MUSIC ok that's something i guess #511 Joel Johnson oh a new CM glitch time with a video aaaaaaaand the video is a twitch recording with an anime layout next please #534 James Woods YES ITS JAMES HES MY BOY MKL UNBAN PLEASE 40.0 RWS FLAP I KNOW YOU CAN GET THE SUB GO JAMES GO #543 Ashley Taylor this guy posts a million times outside of the top 250 but he randomly has a 1:13.6 on rPB?????? gonna have to press X to doubt #556 Zeddicus amogus OH MY GOD HE GOT A 1:09 ON LC HOW THE FUCK HE'S THE 3RD LOWEST IN THE NEWS UPDATE #668 Ayush The Explainer Wow! Another really great news update. Fun fact, this is Arvo's first news update in 14 months! That's really based. Congrats! (his mum probably set some times for him again or something how are you this bad when you talk so much about the game) Site Records: Bryce beat the old Mushroom Gorge crs time of 0'20"132 with a time of: 0'20"036 Nara Hiero beat the old Coconut Mall flap time of 0'04"158 with a time of: 0'04"148 Joshua Baldwin beat the old Maple Treeway crs time of 1'35"662 with a time of: 1'35"030 LOGAN KEBABBY beat the old Moonview Highway crs time of 1'43"035 with a time of: 1'42"987 No Glitch: Luke Brown beat the old Koopa Cape no glitch crs time of 2'17"547 with a time of: 2'17"304 Jay Rangthale beat the old SNES Ghost Valley 2 no glitch crs time of 0'52"775 with a time of: 0'52"746 Justin Hitchcock beat the old N64 DK's Jungle Parkway no glitch crs time of 2'11"117 with a time of: 2'11"096 Luke Brown beat the old N64 Bowser's Castle no glitch crs time of 2'30"605 with a time of: 2'30"582 OK right I'm not even gonna lie I actually had pretty fun writing this once again but maybe it's for the best that I don't write these too often, I think this update is a little too retarded and by writing these I am putting myself in a very high risk of cancellation and this is very bad and i dont want to lose my twitter account. Please don't take it seriously I legit just wanna make people laugh with this and nothing else Try to thrive to find meaning in life and you will find treasure beyond your imagination MEME OF THE MONTH: Weexy - Arvo |
Karters at School are all but FoolsArthurOww @ Thursday, September 15th 12:49PM [link] |
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| How is it going, Karters and Kartesses! I hope our students' first few days back to school/uni are going well, and for those dinosaurs that are done with studies already I hope your summer was great! We’re back for some more News Update action, I know it's pretty late in the month but even us Player's Page Updaters have a social and personal life, I know it sounds crazy but trust me I haven't even got time to play this past week. Well, without any further delay, here's the Update! So, what happened lately? If we speak about the community, not very much to be honest, people come and go but the average member's IQ can't seem to stop decreasing I can mention we have the 4th Event of the Masters Tour competition held on the Time Trial public Server currently taking place and running until September 21st, we're on rSL playing shroomless and using the ramp 3/3! If you're interested, the link to the server is in the forum's resources, the "Useful resources for Time Trialing MKW" thread, you'll find everything there. We also got the long-awaited NMeade WR Review return covering the first 3 months of 2022! Last time we got one of these, it was the 2008 review in March so needless to say that everyone was pretty hype about it. And needless to say either, than being an NMeade vid, it was pretty damn good. Go watch it if you haven't already. Oh btw Jesus Chri- uh I mean Mango Man is alive and well, he showed up in our Updating group chat and that's a News in itself because the Man is cool and it's even cooler to know he's doing great Even if Master NMeade takes time to pour out his WR reviews, y'all Karters and Kartesses don't have to worry about not being up to date on the recent improvements… As we're doing the work for him here! What records did the Top players break in August? Starting off the month, we went to KC to see Jongwoo reclaim his WR from Luke with a time of 2:17.361 on August 8th. This was mainly thanks to the new strat he discovered himself that we talked about last News Update, finally getting back WR with it after Luke improved his own record by .4 last month. Well done Jongwoo, we'll see if a 2:16 is performed here in the near future… Multi-WR holder Kasey is back again! Darragh's resurgence didn't last long on rSGB, as Kasey gets not only 1, not only 2, but 3 new WRs this month, from a 1:21.451 to a 1:21.401 barely missing out on the .3. Sosis is still working hard on the track though, so prepare for a battle between the two. Who will come out on top? He does it again! Poyo is back on the grind for WGM glitch, better than ever. He gets a bigger timecut this time, beating his previous WR by 12ms to finish a 31.837 run on the 20th. However, even if Logan doesn't seem to have interest over the category right now, new challenger Ray is climbing up the leaderboard very fast. Will the Spaniard be able to keep his throne? To be continued… It's not the end of the News for that track though… After months of speculation, close attempts and insane improvements, what surely is Wario's Gold Mine's last No-Glitch 10-second barrier has finally been broken, with Luke getting a 1:49.965 on the 27th! With Vincent B not really being a fan of the recent discoveries on what once was his Ace Track, Luke might keep his record a bit longer than expected, but who knows what will happen in the coming months, this category is quite open for any Top player to steal, from Logan to even Fox to a degree. May History bless us with the unexpected! Then we got… KC. Glitch. Yeah. Oh god do I have something to say about it. First off. On August 5th, after countless attempts and after getting multiple glitches to work, one man was able to snatch the WR from Logan, getting one for the first time ever. That player is, you probably know him if you've been here for a while… Lawrence! The Glitch main that doesn't even have a completed Non-SC timesheet (me be mad) gets his first WR with a 2:10.809. But if you thought that was it for KC Glitch… welp, you're as wrong as if you said that Mogi Lounge was the nicest place on earth. So, so wrong. The track got a total of 12. Twelve. World Records this month. Let me explain how in one word… Logan. That dude literally thought it was funny to HIT THE BRAKES ON THE LAST STRAIGHT for every record he set this month, for it to be easier to break. Oof. That's how, in the span of 6 days from the 13th to the 19th, our beloved World Champion got a total of 9 WRs, made fun of everything and everyone, used countless joke Miis, got the community both dying of laughter and unbelieve, and ended with a 2:07.718. But I did say that we got 12 WRs on this track, yet Lawrence's and Logan's only add up to 10… Who's the Karter to whom belongs the last 2 WRs then, you ask? Think about it for a minute. Is it not clear? Could someone else than HIM have shut Logan up like he did? Certainly not. This man regains his crown, and crushes his competition… The man, Justin, stood up to end Logan's foolishments, setting both a 2:05.892 and a 1:59.751, subbing 2 minutes for the first time on this track! Out of nowhere, he actually hoarded his 2:05 and let Logan do his thing before stepping in. He makes it so we only have 4 tracks with Unrestricted WRs longer than 2 minutes, those being BC, RR, rDS and rBC. Congrats to all 3 of them for having pushed KC this far! And that concludes our WR Review for August… Well. At least for course times. You obviously know we on the PP also care about Fastest Laps! So, what Flap WRs did we get this month? Take a guess. What track did I talk about a minute ago? Yeah Lawrence, Logan and Justin crushed the KC Glitch Flap from a 30.440 to a 21.356 in just 2 weeks. Expected. We did see some Flap activity for the other KC category though, as Luke takes advantage of the new strat to get a 43.726 on August 6th, getting Flap WR here for the first time actually, beating Logan's lap by .188. I'm sure it can go lower, I think we can expect to see a 43.5 being performed at some point here, maybe next year… If my calculations are correct, me skipping this part of the update will get me shot with a cannelloni and buried under 500 kilograms of Pizza. Karters and Kartesses, for the first time since 2019 (and June 2008 in Unrestricted!), on the same track again and again… Someone from the Roman Empire of Italy got a Flap WR. And it is no other than… Everyone's favorite long-haired memer JAYU! Now I know why he was begging for the News to come out! He officially becomes the Karter to have set the fastest lap in the History of the game, as his WR was on the shortest category of all, GV Glitch Flap. A 2.872 got on the 18th, only beating Shane by 9 milliseconds is the Italian's first Flap WR. But you know what this makes him as well? It makes him the 2nd new WR holder to NOT HAVE A COMPLETED NON-SC TIMESHEET I swear play those damn flaps or I'm gonna fill them myself with the best split from your 3lap! And there you have it, every single WR that happened in August! Some wild ones, some unexpected ones… And you're not ready for what comes in September's Update. We're halfway through the month at the time I'm writing this and it's already the year's best month for Top-level Time Trials. See you in the next News to find out what happened! You know I love these, after the WR Review always comes the Monthly Stuff! COUNTRY OF THE MONTH: There may be some debate to it, but to my eyes no country has really made itself shine this month. There was no huge movement on any Country Top, or multiple hype WRs coming from the same place. So I’m gonna go ahead and give this award to a country that we almost don’t see at all in this game but has the chance to have a strong and dedicated Karter on its side. Country of the month is South Korea, for the battle Jongwoo is having with Luke for the KC Non-SC crown! It’s “only” a WR but keep in mind that Jongwoo is the only active South Korean player, so if his country had to get a WR it would only be coming from his work. Some countries out there have multiple high-level Karters but fail to have a single WR in their possession… *cough* France and Germany *cough* TRACK OF THE MONTH: There was no hesitation this month for this title. As everyone has already guessed, Koopa Cape wins it with Jongwoo reclaiming his WR in No-Glitch, but most importantly with all that happened on the Glitch side: Lawrence getting his first WR, Logan farming the shit out of the track and Justin shutting him up with the first sub 2:00, not to mention the Flap improvements on both categories we discussed earlier… If you tell me another track has seen more important development over this month, you’re either trolling or crazy. QUOTES OF THE MONTH: “Arthur I have 3 quote of the month candidates” - Ben Hurley, August 26th, 2022 “can I be a pp updater” - the whole public TT Server ANCIENT QUOTE OF THE MONTH: "WiiChuck4life, timing wheelies = (y)" - Silver, 4th August, 2012 This News Update covers from August 1st to August 31st, 2022 We count 6 new players this month: AustinMKW (Literally only submitted an LC 3lap) Spodra Ziemele (1st Latvian player to ever register on the site congrats you) Michelle Zoeller (Has a really nice CM Glitch time) Jimmy (Not doing Jimmeys on DKS… yet) Justin JJ Morris (Wario on the ROB-BLS) Carlo Vasciminno (My favorite italian Carlo because he’s good at Moonview) Before we continue on to the Leaderboard, I'd like to introduce a guest to this News Update... Please welcome, the American fruit, chad worker and News Writer in his spare time... Pear! To lighten up the work we decided to split the Leaderboard in 2 parts. He'll be doing the whole Top 200 while I'll catch you for the rest of it! World-Class Karters (Top 10) #1 (#1) LOGAN KEBABBY Logan landed the famed rMC glitch to get a 28.2 flap record, and did some not-so-little farming for world records on KC glitch for 9 new record improvements. I think it's fair to call 6 of them mickey mouse frauds. Sad! Not to mention, even after all that, he'd be dethroned by.... #2 (#2) Justin Hitchcock THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND, Justin still isn't super active with the time trialing, but got probably the craziest time out of nowhere on us: a 1:59 on Koopa goddamn Cape. Turns out, when you're Justin, you can just find stuff that saves a crazy amount of time and just get crazy big records for it. After getting that crazy glitch lap, he decided to drive the two best no glitch laps in a KC glitch record that we have seen. Just Justin things #6 (#19) Jack Gluesing Jack here got a PB on Parkway glitch flap for a 6.001. I will say, Mr. Prodigy, that Shy Guy Beach flap is right at about a year and a half old now.... hmmmmmmm :eyes: #8 (#15) Vincent Nguyen Vincent played Dry Dry Ruins and got a pretty cool 1:48.7. Definitely some room to go there, 1:47 in the future, perhaps? #10 (#7) Bynt. Bynt continued to track hop and be good at everything. The big times here are a 1:21.649 on Shy Guy Beach and a 1:15.728 on Moo Moo Meadows, which are 7th and 9th worldwide respectively. Despite the PBs, Bynt remains at the knockout spot for the top 10 for the players page. Will he survive? We'll just have to wait and see Mythical Karters (Top 25) #15 (#6) Jay Rangthale Sosis only played one thing, getting a few improvements before landing on a 1:21.447 on Shy Guy Beach. He is still playing, getting some awesome laps and paces. One of them will finish at some point, and this record will be destroyed. Give it time, it will happen. Keep grinding, Sosis #18 (#17) Dane Allen Thunder improved Peach Gardens to a 2:00.324, a pretty bad time tbh bc it doesn't even beat me. Surely he won't beat me come September. He has also been playing some MC3, and we will get into that next month #23 (#23) Joeblase Joeblase continues his unretirement, cutting two spots with some solid times, those being a 1:47.999 / 34.993 DKS, and a 44.3 KC flap. #25 (#3) Luke Brown Luke played only a few things, as per usual, but made them count; one of them was a massive flap world record on Koopa Cape, using the new tunnel strat to get a low 43.7, improving the record by almost .2, even being done on lap 1. Later in the month, however, came the biggest revelation: a 1:49.965 on Gold Mine! This one has been in the works for a while, and its super cool to finally see THE sub come to fruition. Way to keep at it, Luke. Legendary Karters (Top 50) #26 (#36) Phyzothy Phyz dropped some crazy times on us, including a 1:59.8 on BC3, getting that iconic sub 2, a 1:49.6 on DDR, and a 37 on WGM Glitch. However, the biggest kicker this month is the dropping of a 2:04.999 rDS time???????? not sure I saw a 2:04 coming from you, Phyz, but absolute props for making it happen. You're better than you get credit for. #27 (#51) MKRFirestone Firestone here chopped off three spots by PBing on a solid 12 categories, almost all on those MICKEY MOUSE glitches!!!!! Out of all the times he dropped, though, was a 1:59.980 on rPG. Such a cool sub, congrats on getting that, mate. Great to see such high activity on those other categories, too. Who will reach top 25 first, Phyz or Firestone??? The world will know next month! #29 (N/A) Carter Clem did more of the same, dropping a few random times on us. This month, those times are a 1:16.444 on Moo Moo Meadows, and a 1:18.724 on MC3. #35 (#54) Jacob Fitzgibbon Arrow played rSL glitch flap for an 11.181, good enough for 4th worldwide. He also gained AF! #42 (#55) Shane Hogan Shane played a ton of categories, the coolest of which is giving us all an rWS worldwide top with a glitch time, currently sitting at a 1:44.769. Shane also got a casual .6 PB cut on Moo Moo Meadows to a 1:16.3, and also got a big sub with a 1:31 on rMC. Pretty good activity, Mr. Ireland, but we need to see those GV numbers looking up!!!! #44 (#47) Enzo Leussink Enzo may have gained AF, but he did drop us a 1:18.541 on MC3 and a 42 on MG. Enzo has been getting some pretty cool times lately, it's great to see you playing again. Keep grinding! #49 (N/A) LAWRENCE, MY BOY! Dropping us a new record on Koopa Cape glitch early in the month, becoming the next new world record holder for us. He also dropped us a 1:16.0 on Shy Guy Beach, setting himself at a solid 5th worldwide. Flag P Mii stays winning! Royal Karters (Top 100) #62 (#70) Ultra_Pear SHY GUY BEACH IS DEAD LETS GOOOOOOOOOO I AM FINALLY A WORLDWIDE TOPS HOLDER LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO though i lost the tops a week later. oops #66 (#10) Filler PAUL, Paul, Paul M. my beloved. Paul decided to bless us with a 2:21.7 on BC, however, the coolest thing we got was a Sherbet Land grind. WE GOT A NEW CONTENDOR FOR 2:03!!!!!!!! Paul has since stopped at a 2:04.0, second worldwide, but there is no doubt that he will get that sub at some point. We love to see it! Go go #67 (#60) Claus That 53.410 on GV2 is pretty cool but that's all we got, pretty unfortunate coming from third BT #71 (#57) Michele Gallastri Cross played some DKM glitch, giving us a 2:05.9 3lap and a 40.1 flap. #74 (N/A) JAYOO Jayu has gotten some cool times, including getting his first WW tops with a 1:18.002 on SGB. Congrats! WW tops is pretty cool. We also received an MG grind, ending at a 29.997, and randomly dropping us a new GV flap world record with a 2.872. I was in the call for it and did not even realize it happened LMAO, GGs on that record mate #76 (#50) Watcha played BC glitch, landing a 2:11 3lap and a 42.6 flap. Pretty solid stuff and looking forward to seeing you close in on some other things you've been playing. Go! #79 (#76) Neptune Everyone congratulate my mate Neptune for dropping a Koopa Cape glitch time on the world. 2:14.000. If you only count the digits, this time will forever stand as world record. Congrats Neptune! #83 (#128) Nate Schultz Nate continues to gain AF and drop spots! That is very funny. That 8th worldwide flap on MT glitch (24.776) was pretty cool though. #84 (#58) ArthurOww The only good Frenchie got a 2:32.5 on rBC, which is pretty cool. Unfortunately, he had to touch grass and could not play anything else. #93 (N/A) Idriz Idriz has been steadily playing Shy Guy Beach, getting a 1:22.633. Look out though, Idriz has been cooking up some laps. Expect that to drop soon. Also congrats on holding the Moo Moo Meadows world record for 168409 days! Heroic Karters (Top 200) #109 (#62) Acquiesce Acquiesce dropped us a super cool 1:59 on rPG. Congrats! So many players dropping the sub there, it's awesome to see. #129 (#101) Samuel W Samuel gave us 12 new PRs, dropping himself the same number of spots on the chart. Loving the consistent improvements, keep it up mon #130 (#106) Jadid Jadid played five categories, getting some cool subs like a 4.992 CM flap and a 1:22.9 SGB time. Keep grinding #148 (#124) Sebastian Manson Sebastian dropped us a good handful of PRs, most notable are a 53.442 GV2 and a 2:22.5 BC (assuming it is no glitch). Those times need some buddies. Keep grinding #150 (#115) Ben Hurley gave us a good handful of PRs, entering the top 150. Solid placement for the page! #153 (#113) Darragh J not sure why Darragh is here. congrats on the sgb record from march? cool #160 (#118) Mystogan Mystogan please tell me that 2:22.5 on BC is a no glitch time I am getting tired of these 2:2X times being shortcut please for the love of god just have a good time without a glitch pls #164 (#147) James Collins Aussie James got some cool times, like a 34 on CM, a 1:32 on rMC, and a 2:00.991 on rPG, which ties my first 2:00 time. Congrats! #179 (#81) Kenneth Bernales KenB continues to refuse to play glitches, now having a 2:24.1 on BC without glitches. Please play glitches for the love of god jesus christ, nice 1:09.7 LC and 1:51.7 on TF too tho #191 (#144) CedericCederic got PBs in a third of the game, climbing 24 spots and well into the top 200. That Shy Guy Beach 1:22.6 easily stands out as the best, it's even on German Tops nice job Hey it’s Arthur again, so as we said we're splitting the leaderboard in 2 so I’m doing the back-end of it, enjoy lads Advanced Karters (Top 300) #207 (#115) Ben Brophy got a pretty cool 1:09.8 on LC alongside a 2:01.6 on rPG, nice times pushing him closer to Top 200 than ever, will he get it in the next News Update? #214 (N/A) Darien Bawpers only submitted 2 flap times but one is a 34.3 on Moonview Highway so it’s cool. Nice job Bawp. #216 (#143) Glitches, MC and Raceway were in the works this month for Supreme, as we saw him on CM Unrestricted for a 42.8/6.620, on MC with a nice 1:22.1 Non-SC and 1:13.5 Glitch, and getting his first vid on his timesheet with a sub 1:43 on rMR. Good stuff. #219 (#150) Xenophanes got a few times like rBC 2:33.7, DKS 1:52.8, and an improvement on their Ace Track that is CM Unrestricted, now standing at a 37.8 with a 4.669 Flap. Nice. #226 (#106) Brian Lai improved quite much this News Cycle, to end his comeback well before going back to college. The Virgin lad (get it, because he’s from VIRGINIA lololololol) played mostly rDKJP, getting from a 2:16 to a 2:13.8 completely smashing his previous PR. Other than that he completed a good 1:53.4 on rWS, congrats you beat me by one second and are like 130 placements ahead of me! Anyway, good luck on your classes man #228 (N/A) Sam Fairless literally only played glitches I already don’t like this… Oh but it’s a 2nd WW CM flap of 4.189 and a WW Tops rSGB 3lap of 1:16.838? Alright fine that’s pretty good. Congrats on those, maybe you could try and push that CM Flap just a bit more though…? I know the category is as wack as ever but there’s only one man to beat… #249 (#170) Evilninja barely enters Top 250 this News Cycle with most notably a 1:18.994 on rMC3 congrats on the sub! On the Red Chart I’d want to point out his 1:59.662 on CM (may be a sub also? If so, nice job) that’s a 3-way tie, some French and German dudes have now been joined by the US that does sound like a very familiar event tho #256 (#176) Aimee Scaricordi got a four point four four four on CM Flap. Nice digits. Alongside that, some work on her weaker tracks seem to have been made, like BC, rPB or DDR Flap. Get PBs, cut AF, that's how the game works. You should surely hit Top 200 in 2023, it may seem far for now but, speaking from experience, it isn’t really… #274 (#198) ElecTrick got quite a few PRs, like a subbing 1:19.994 on rMC3 (I just noticed it’s exactly one second slower than Evilninja’s PR, quite nice), a breakthrough on BC with a 2:24.8 or a 2:24.7 on KC that PBed by over a second. Highlight though must be that 2-in-1 improvement on GV Non-SC, getting both a 1:56.4 and a 36.9 on the same run, congrats on breaking Top 200 on the Red Charts! #278 (#184) Ryan Lynch cut 3 placements with 4 PRs, the highlight being Moonview without a doubt. It becomes one of his top times with a 1:45.2 and even grants him his 2nd ever Top 100 time on the flap with a 33.4, I love seeing these #288 (#177) Ragemodepigeon goes deeper into Top 300 this month with 5 PRs and 9 placements gained. What made him jump so well surely is that 2:19.5 on BC Unrestricted coupled with a 44.1 Flap, but he backs it up for Non-SC pretty well too with a 2:24.8/47.0. Pretty good stuff, keep it up bro! #289 (#200) Neemo PBed on LC… with a 1:10.8? His other PBs for the month are… 3 Non-SC Top 100 Flap times on MG, GV and BC? Also, on one end he got a 1:17.7 on MMM… And on the other end a 1:23.5 on MC that’s not even top 600? I think you killed consistency bro Karters in the Making (300+) #315 (#202) Ivo Bril only submitted a single 1:54.1 on WGM as he couldn’t find time to play this month. Don’t worry man we both have the same problem! The thing to do is to optimize your time doing attempts, like learning a new strat or fixing mistakes, so that you can PB quickly when everything’s set up… I say that but I haven’t had a satisfying PR in months lmao. Anyway, good luck on pushing this track to your limits, I’ll wait to see your Flower Cup filled with vids! #339 (#195) Zevohno went quiet pretty quickly this month only setting 2 PRs in the first 5 days, then nothing. One was a sub 1:01 on rYF, the other was a non-sub 1:54 on WGM No-Glitch. By the way, I see you still have some Intermediate times, it might be interesting to try and get rid of them all? I remember doing that myself back in the day… #359 (#217) Ncsr. isn’t really a match for his former rival Turkey anymore, as he’s now 26 placements ahead… He does have some weaknesses though as we’ve seen this month on rSL, where the Aussie barely subbed 2:09 with a 2:08.968, not even beating the staff ghost when some crazy lads on the Masters Tour do it shroomless while using the ramp 3/3. For his defense we can acknowledge the 2:05.1 he got on rBC3 Unrestricted, that’s a pretty strong time considering he’s only 7ms behind me… #363 (N/A) Greg Finke please tell me that MG No-Glitch was a one-try to fill-in your Red Chart. A 1:51.9 is not acceptable. Thankfully you improved your rMR flap to a 32.1, good job on getting Top 200 by such a margin! …Yeah it’s 200th. #385 (#224) Johnson Turkey is a time traveler! Congrats on the TF 1:54 you got in January 2023! I know I know I’m not funny so well congrats on your actual PRs this month, some great subs like 1:59 DDR or 1:19 rMC3, alongside a GV Non-SC 1:56 that’s really high-ranked compared to his other times, even more than what GV usually gives due to its implementation in the site occuring a few years after the game’s release. I want to know what 2023 is like tho, is Mogi Lounge still toxic? …Rhetorical question of course. #393 (#218) HazzarUK poured out a single PR this News Cycle, being a pretty good 22.030 on LC Flap. Coming from someone with a 1:09.6 3lap though I’m sure you can do better, go get that sub! #430 (#241) princessje11ybean no Six King’s Labyrinth isn’t good at all. However grinding AF is so getting 12 RT PRs and passing 11 people is a good thing! SKL is too old to be a good CT, it’s nowhere near as good as the most recent CTs like Mushroom Peaks for example. That track is amazing. #459 (#259) Chansey beats me on CM glitch… But NOT ON THE FLAP GET FOCUS PUNCHED!!!! Now that we’re waiting for your HP bar to go down let me first off get some coffee and second off tell you that you got 10 PRs and cut 8 AF with them, not bad not bad but how about you cut it down to a value that matches your Physical Defense stat next time? #479 (#264) Charlotte Crego only submitted a single time this News Cycle, being a 1:46.3 on rMR. I guess MKDD really is better than MKW for it to get all your attention #509 (N/A) Dylan Barlow is the highest-placing timesheeter this update! Welcome to the AF grind! #515 (#281) Leila FalB Massanova got 24 PRs and cut a massive 81 AF for 52 placements. Wow. She learned CM Glitch and got a really nice time, learned MT Glitch and got a really nice time as well… Is it just me or is almost every modern Italian TTer a glitch main? #530 (#276) James Woods got a 2:40 on Rainbow Road. That’s it? …Well he technically spent the rest of the month putting check marks on people’s times for MKLeaderboards and updating some other sheets like flaps and stuff. You’re kinda like Lowercase tbh, you’re always here but you never play lol #546 (#269) Ashley Taylor worked on the whole Lightning Cup this update and cut 52 AF for 31 placements, not bad at all I love this idea of working on all the tracks from a specific Cup! #565 (#275) Zeddicus finishes his timesheet that was only missing ONE SINGLE TIME according to our stat program, you missed out on the last update but welcome to the leaderboard nonetheless! #628 (#294) Ju Ki improves 14 PRs with Auto… Yet only gets up by 3 placements and only cuts 5 AF. Pretty rough if you ask me… #708 (#342) Flora Novia from MKSC finishes her timesheet! Good luck on the charts, maybe you can be as good here as you are in your main game? :o #709 (#343) Jimmy timesheets his way onto the leaderboards by submitting his whole timesheet on the same day, that’s a chad move. Welcome to the charts! #740 (#370) Justin JJ Morris is a timesheeter as well and our last player for this News Update, welcome to MKW! And here you go! I'm not gonna lie, neither me or Pear had planned to take this long to release this News Update. I can clearly remember saying in late August that we were going to finish it in 3 days... Lmfao life owned us both. Hopefully the next one doesn't take as long. In the mean time, see you around Karters and Kartesses, and as always, Happy Karting! Take a closer look at this month’s Site Records: Justin Hitchcock beat the old Koopa Cape crs time of 2'11"015 with a time of: 1'59"751 Justin Hitchcock beat the old Koopa Cape lap time of 0'31"468 with a time of: 0'21"356 JAYOO beat the old Grumble Volcano lap time of 0'02"881 with a time of: 0'02"872 No-Glitch: Jay Rangthale beat the old GBA Shy Guy Beach crs time of 1’21”457 with a time of 1’21”447 Luke Brown beat the old Wario’s Gold Mine crs time of 1’50”037 with a time of: 1’49”965 Luke Brown beat the old Koopa Cape lap time of 0’43”914 with a time of: 0’43”726 PLAYER AWARDS: Player of the Week: - August 1: Lawrence - August 2: Ultra_Pear - August 3: Justin Hitchcock - August 4: Luke Brown Player of the Month: LOGAN KEBABBY MEME OF THE MONTH:  - Arthur'Oww and Ultra_Pear, the News Writing duo you all love |